Here, let me recap the last two months on the PGA Tour for you:
Bubba Watson won the Masters in the most boring way you can win a Masters, Matt Kuchar chipped in for a win, and a bunch of stars played badly with leads on Sundays.
There, that's it. You're caught up.
Ever since Patrick Reed did his song and dance at the Cadillac Championship back before March Madness started the tour has been largely a snooze-fest.
First-time champs named Noh and Bowditch are fine stories, but they don't drive the sport.
The LPGA Tour has been far, far more intriguing with wins from Michelle Wie, Lexi Thompson, and Lydia Ko. Hell, you could argue the Senior PGA Tour has been more interesting than the regular one.
At least you have Miguel Angel Jimenez and his aviators saying "I do not care where you place the flagsticks" in Spanish. Or something like that.
This is a three-part problem that only has one solution.
First, Tiger Woods isn't playing and has only played 14 rounds on the season. He's not in the top 200 in FedEx Cup points. He's likely not going to make the FedEx Cup Playoffs.
Not much anybody can do about that.
The next problem is that nobody plays in tournaments. The season is longer than Manute Bol with his hands over his head and you can't blame the stars for skipping lesser events. Still, it would be like if Dwyane Wade and Blake Griffin only played in half (or less) of the NBA's games.
OK, Wade is a bad example, but you get what I mean.
The third problem (the solvable one) is that when the stars have played, they haven't played well.
The top 10 golfers in the world to start the year have exactly two wins. Phil Mickelson has zero top 10 finishes. Tiger was covered earlier.
Golf could use a injection in the form of an old-fashioned duel in the next two weekends.
It would be terrific if we could get a Rory-Phil battle royale at Quail Hollow this weekend. I'm talking about trading 65 punches and counterpunches, both of them just tearing up the track in a way that makes you remember what made them stars to begin with.
How about another 62 from McIlroy on Sunday with the thumbs from Phil flying as he shoots 65? How good would that be?
It would be even better if that happened at The Players the following weekend.
When is the last time we had a two-man battle like that on a Sunday?
And I don't even care if it's Rory and Phil. It could be Adam and Jordan or Sergio and Dufner. Actually, please let it be Sergio and Dufner.
Whoever it is, golf could needs it. Golf's fans need it. A golf world without Tiger can't survive on first-time winners alone.
It's time for the stars to re-align.