The reality, though, is that he actually is great for golf. He's hilarious, talented (ranked in the top 30 in the world), and, you know, really interesting.
We are compelled by his existence. We want to know what he does, why he ticks the way he ticks and what it would be like to be him.
But he's not at the top of the list of golf's most interesting characters.
For that, a power rankings of sorts. Let's get to it.
1. Tiger Woods: Look, I'm sorry. This is how the world works. You can't have Sports Illustrated quote your father saying you'll "do more than any other man in history to change the course of humanity" then win 79 tournament and not be the most compelling, interesting golfer in the world.
He is the foremost driver of interest in this great game. We want to know every single thing about him that can possibly be known.
You might be shaking your head, saying, "no, I don't," but every metric of online data tells me differently. He is far and away the most interesting man in golf and the title is his until he retires (and probably for a few years after that).
2. Miguel Angel Jimenez: The Mechanic can have the second spot for now. He'll never overtake No. 1, but it's pretty nutty in its own right that a 50-year-old from Spain who has never won a a major is genuinely considered one of the most interesting figures in the sport.
3. Ian Poulter: He holds the "I'm not totally sure what drives him to be who he is" title belt. With Woods you know it's majors, with Jimenez you know it's the good life, but Poulter is different in that he's interested in such a wide variety of things.
Cars, fashion, historic putts in Ryder Cups. He's truly a fascinating dude.
4. Graeme McDowell: I appreciate folks who have interests outside of golf and McDowell has a fistful of them. A friend recently described McDowell as "how you and I would be if we were famous." He's genuinely funny and appreciates his fame. He's a renaissance man of sorts.
5. Will MacKenzie: He's going to Nicaragua on a surfing trip this Novemeber. I'm guessing that's more exciting than what Jim Furyk will be doing this November.
6. Sergio Garcia: Ahh, El Nino. Complex as he might be, he is fittingly not even the most interesting Spaniard.
"I don't mind to be alone for five, six weeks. Golf is a sport where you play alone. I just like to play for myself. ... Basketball, it was great, but I don't really like to depend on other people."
8. Jordan Spieth: I saw Spieth at the Byron Nelson Championship this weekend and I just kept thinking that I don't understand how he is the way he is at age 20.
I was a pretty mature 20-year-old but I would have melted faster than a freeze pop on a patio at the US Open in June with the pressure he faces. There's something inside of him that not everyone has. That's interesting to me.
9. Angel Cabrera: El Pato. The Argentinian Jimenez. The man is stronger than a hundred Americans and has the major championships to prove it.
He always has that mysterious look across his face, too. As if he knows something you don't know but you should know and he has the upper hand because of it.