Elling's Public Links: Nudism, naysayers and know-nothings

Updated June 19

Apparently, it never crossed his mind.

Tiger Woods, one of a tiny handful who knew he was playing in the U.S. Open on the most notoriously flawed joint since Studio 54, hobbled into history last week on one good leg.

Woods was driven, his knee was riven. Refuse to lose, win one for the Gimper and all those clichés, real or imagined, surely applied.

"I wasn't going to bag it," he said stubbornly.

Not us, exactly. We bagged it, bundled it, saved it and are humbly presenting it publicly to both peruse and amuse.

The pronoun in question, it, relates to the e-mail traffic received over the past few days regarding the storylines at the 108th Open at Torrey Pines. Like U.S. Postal Service carriers -- remember those guys, who haul mail around in a sack? -- we shall not be delayed in making our appointed rounds, or in delivering a written roundhouse.

The written traffic from various times over the past week centered on Open-related fare, from an expose on the nude beach (hey, is that redundant?) located below Torrey Pines to the accomplishments of the aforementioned Woody One-Leg. No double-entendre intended. Really, I swear. Others wanted to know why Woods and Phil Mickelson were paired in the first two rounds, or why the latter chucked his driver for the first 36 holes.

Then there's the shocking number of haters. In the aftermath of Woods' staggering admission Wednesday that he won the Open with two fractures and a blown ACL in his left leg, we're sure many are wondering about the cerebral state of readers who questioned whether he was milking the injury for sympathy. Well, as you can see below, we not only examine their sanity, but supply their identity.

From: S. Thompson

Woods' sore knee is more a fabrication of media attention and over-dramatization by Tiger himself than anything else. I have no doubt that it may still be a little tender, but as evidenced countless times in the Open, many times you never saw Woods grimace at all. Strangely enough, it was each time he completed a good shot. Also, strangely enough, almost every time he completed a bad one, there was that alleged grimace as if to say, "See, that bad shot was because of my knee." What moron would go out there with a bad knee and play a game where there's going to be torque on a sensitive area of the body that just underwent surgery. Answer: None. Which is yet another reason why I think Tiger is playing up to the media hype. You media types have got your head so far up his backside that you can't see a good acting job when you see it.

It's taking every ounce of self-restraint I can muster to refrain from posting this guy's e-mail address, so that you more enlightened readers could remind him, in case he has forgotten, that he's an utter nincompoop.

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From: A. Martin

1. I think he (Woods) is milking his so-called pain. 2. There have been thousands of rounds played better than this one.

3. That was the luckiest round I have ever witnessed in golf. I mean, his drives way to the right should have cost him, but no, he gets a free drop with a direct route to green, not once but twice. Then the bounce-in? It was one of the most exciting rounds of golf but was not an excellent round by no means. Finally, let's see if his luck holds out today, OK?

Reader A. Martin, meet reader S. Thompson. You guys obviously have a lot in common, including a frightening lack of foresight and brain cells.

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From: Jon

I have had five surgeries and one staph infection on the same knee. I'm not nearly as disciplined as Tiger in training and overall health. I will continue to race motorcycles, snowboard, play basketball and golf as long as I can stand up. The limp will go away and the pain will become an illusion. The love of the sport keeps us going.

Hope you are right, because if the flame burning inside Woods wanes during his surgery-induced layoff, golf could become as relevant to mainstream sports fans as the WNBA. Speaking of hoops and the ladies ...

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From: Helen

Tiger would fit right in with today's NBA floppers. Isn't it amazing that Tigger played without a limp today in the playoffs? I get tired of his cursing, spitting, and all-around bad attitude, including caddie Steve Williams. I really think that more people wanted Rocco Mediate to win. Rocco at least has a personality.

Yeah, you're right. Tiger is an absolutely classless disgrace. Refusing to use his injury as an excuse, refusing to overshadow the tournament or upstage Mediate by disclosing the extent of his injury, refusing to withdraw despite the incessant pain. Over the next six-eight months, he won't be missed at all.

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From: Hutch

All of a sudden, his limp and grimace were gone today. I am not saying he wasn't sore or hurt a bit. But please, the drama was a little much. He had arthroscopic surgery eight weeks ago. It's not like he was cutting and running on that leg. I played football in college and watched our fullback come back after the same surgery in four weeks and play in a game, which is a little more demanding than golf.

Not cutting or running, just walking the longest course in major championship history five days in a row. Judging by the number of spelling errors I had to clean up in your message, you must have played at Florida State. Probably without a helmet.

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From: Walter L.

Steve, regarding the Black's Beach story: Ha ha. You seem to have the sexual maturity of an eighth grader. You have a lot of opinions about something you obviously know nothing about. You creep me out. Most of your facts were wrong. Do a little research next time, and by the way, grow up!

I did five or six miles of beach research -- when in Rome, do a bit of Roamin.' And thanks for the compliment. I always thought I had the sexual maturity of a sixth-grader.

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From: Larry H.

Phil Mickelson's decision to leave the driver out of his bag while playing the longest course in major-championship history has to be the dumbest thing he has ever done.

Well, until the next thing. Like the TV commercial said, "What will Phil do next?" I predict Mickelson will reveal at the British Open that he has removed another particularly damaging instrument in order to better his chances of winning -- his brain.

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From: Tim L.

OK, so what is one good reason not to pair Tiger and Phil together from the start at Torre Pines? If, as you say, 66 percent of the spectators follow that group, then the patient 33 percent of the spectators get a much better view of the rest of the golfers out there. Hey kids and midgets, wanna see some good golf? Stay away from Tiger 'n' Phil.

Torre Pines is the home-team bench at Dodger Stadium (ask Andruw Jones). Torrey Pines is a golf course. Just so there's no confusion.

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From: The Kid

Great article Steve! Your negativity and pessimism never ceases to amaze me. Keep up the great work. Kudos!

No clue as to which story you're referring, but you forgot to mention my liberal use of sarcasm and irony. By the way, the latter is what happens when, for instance, you blowtorch a guy for being too negative.

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From: Laker4life

Steve, are you a sportswriter or an entertainment pen? Who cares about Black's Beach. I lived there for years, we also used to launch hang gliders from right near there. The only nudists are usually the last person in the world you ever wanted to see nude. Get it together and let's cover the golf scene, players, field, weather, equipment. If you really want to see the hottest chicks on the beach take a drive down to La Jolla. Forget the old nudist ladies who need a good ironing.

True, there are many wrinkled older folks down there, as well as younger women who would give most males too much starch in certain areas. Nude volleyball should be an Olympic sport. Although I had a difficult time noticing who was winning.

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From: Jennifer A.

Steve, you've got to one of the world's biggest #%*holes to write that kind of deliberately demeaning and largely inaccurate crap about the people at Black's Beach. You clearly are the kind of person who despises those who are in any way different from you, and who seeks to harm them just for the fun of it. That has to be the most gratuitously nasty article I've read in many a year.

If you thought that story was deliberately nasty, you have not been paying attention when I've actually been upset. As for gratuitous, guilty as charged. Wondering why it was so personally offensive when folks who participated in the story had no issues whatsoever? Read onward, Jennifer.

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From: Dave C.

Great story. I was wondering how you were going to work a nude beach into a golf story, but you did it. Loved the information on the song, I had heard that it existed but didn't know who did it. Now I have more research to do.

Dave Cole is a member of the Black's Beach Bares, the activist group that self-polices the famed beach, and was quoted liberally in the story. I'd tell Jennifer to stick her e-mail where the sun doesn't shine, but we're talking about nudists here, so I'm not sure where that would be.

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From: George M.

Wikipedia supports the claim for good surf at Black's Beach.

Charley Hoffman, a PGA Tour pro and occasional surfer, had offered that fact in defense of his admission that he'd visited the beach in the past. Although, going to Black's for the surfing is like going to Tulsa for fresh lobster.

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From: Jim P.

What is wrong with you people? Is Tiger the only golfer on the course? Why are you not lauding Appleby? Last time I checked, he was ahead of Woods.

Uh, check again? You'll be getting guys like Stuart Appleby in droves, on the broadcasts and in newspapers, now that Woods is out for the year. Happy now?

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From: Bill

Hats off to Tiger. He persevered and prevailed again. However, only time will tell what toll this victory will take on his knee. His window may be shortened dramatically if this thing isn't given time to heal 100 percent, which may not be possible now -- time will tell. I also believe his days of smashing the field by 15 strokes are over. The competition is starting to catch up to him and close the gap. Any one of 10 guys could've taken this thing had the ball bounced slightly differently. Tiger will get his share but it will be much closer and more difficult than in the past.

Woods blew out his ACL last July, then shot 63 to tie a major-championship scoring record while winning the PGA Championship. All he's done is win 10 of 13 starts since then, with two runner-up finishes and a fifth. Who, exactly, is catching up? He's going to take six-eight months off and you can bet he'll retain his No. 1 ranking nonetheless.

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From: Carolyn

I hate golf. Always have. But I am glued to it when Tiger plays. What an amazing athlete. What an amazing intelligence. What amazing focus. What amazing courage.

There's not a darned thing I can add to that. Succinctly, distinctly put.

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From: K.V. Bee

Was this the greatest major ever, or what? It has my vote: gripping drama, wild roller-coaster swings of momentum, white-knuckle thrills aplenty, miraculous shots, gut-wrenching flubs, all that grit, all that pain, and then a bruising heavyweight toe-to-toe slugfest today, only to be followed by sublime class and dignity in the face of a crushing loss by Rocco. This was one for the ages. Now that Tiger and Rocco have taken me to the top of the mountain, it's a bit of a downer having to trudge back down into valley of plain ole, ordinary, everyday sports.

Think about how we golf writers feel. Now we have to be nice to Mickelson for the next eight months.