Pond Scrum: Missing, ugly Americans top topics of conversation
INVERNESS, Scotland -- Stateside, the holiday fireworks are over.
Which means they are just getting started overseas, where the golf universe turns most of its focus over the next couple of weeks as the oldest championship on the planet moves to the fore.
Which isn't to suggest there's nothing happening between now and the start of the Open Championship next week at a hamlet called Sandwich in southeast England.
Our weekly alternate-shot adversaries, European Tour correspondent John Huggan and CBSSports.com senior writer Steve Elling, are presently situated a good 5,000 miles apart and divided by an ocean as they break down the game in this week's installment of Pond Scrum, with Huggan perched on the north coast of Scotland.
Huggan's at the Scottish Open, in a town called Inverness in the Scottish Highlands, and until he heads across the Pond this weekend, Elling's in the Florida lowlands -- which is probably redundant, since the entire state's about a foot above sea level.
These boys are here to measure the rising tide in golf. From Inverness to invertedness, these two will turn the game asunder.
Gentlemen, the first tee box is yours. Swing away and mind the gorse.
At the risk of Huggan complaining about starting the morning with our seemingly weekly Tiger Woods query, the former world No. 1 said Tuesday that he had not yet begun hitting balls and will not play at the Open Championship, which starts in eight days. Surely, you two have thoughts on this development?
Elling: Indeed, I guess those "minor" injuries he cited were not so minor after all. This time, the prognostications from outsiders were mostly right. Woods indicated he might miss a few weeks. It's become months, and multiple majors. I keep coming back to the same point -- he has twice injured his knee hitting fairly routine golf shots. That seems like a nightmare scenario.
Huggan: It's a pity, of course. But hardly a surprise. For once, Tiger seems to be telling us the truth when he says he is listening to his doctor. Until he is 100 percent fit, there is little point in him returning.
Elling: It was interesting to watch network broadcaster David Feherty, close to an actual pal of his, trying to get some sort of information out of Woods during the telecast Sunday. Feherty asked him to cite the odds that he would play at Sandwich. Woods said he didn't know and avoided the specifics of the question. Two days later, sayonara. But there was never much chance, was there?
Huggan: I'm just happy that the despicable Steve Williams will be in Sandwich on Adam Scott's bag. It just wouldn't be the same without Stevie. Better, but not the same.
Huggan: Can we stop talking about Tiger now?
Elling: No way he was ready for the rigors of a windy, seaside course with uneven terrain. In fact, he'd be foolish to try. At this point, with his leg and his performance record of late, he's only risking more damage to his knee, reputation, aura and ego.
Huggan: Exactly, he had no chance. And he knew he had no chance. Moving right along ...
Elling: This Tiger talk is making my back ache. Somebody said there's a new Japanese ointment on the market that can help ease the pain? Oy.
Looks like Bubba Watson gave Parisian waiters another bazillion reasons to be rude to Americans for the next 20 years by acting like a parody of an ignorant Yank last week while missing the cut at the French Open on the European Tour. How many schizo personalities does this guy have?
Elling: Somebody club this guy over the head with a stale baguette. It's hard to believe anybody this globally clueless could actually have a four-year degree from one of the biggest institutions in the U.S. Southeast, the University of Georgia. Fellow UGa alums, you have my sympathy. Your college degree was just devalued by about 5 percent.
Huggan: It was a very strange performance from someone who is, well, increasingly strange. I'm really not sure what he was trying to achieve by insulting anyone and everyone he came across. Perhaps the worst thing though, was his reported refusal to share a courtesy car from the hotel to the course with fellow player, SSP Chowrasia.
|
|
| Bubba Watson missed the cut at the French Open after posting a 6-over 148. (Getty Images) |
Elling: So, to recap, he didn't know the name of landmarks such as the Eiffel Tower, Arc De Triomphe or the Louvre, and he big-leagued a European Tour player with whom he was supposed to share a ride from the hotel to the host course. At least he didn't rip the wine. Probably because he doesn't drink. Likely a wise choice. He is unpredictable enough as it is.
Huggan: Such actions inevitably raise the specter of racism, given Chowrasia's Indian heritage. I'm not saying that Watson is racist, just that his action there could be interpreted as such. Could.
Elling: Watson is a tough guy to figure, which his Ryder Cup mates learned last year in Wales. He talks smack, but gets his feelings hurt when other do the same. He acts like he doesn't care what others think about him, when down deep, he's a mountain of insecurity. The guy is no redneck, either. After five years, I have no better handle on the guy than I did on Day 1. Anybody else who says otherwise should be put on a breathalyzer.
Huggan: It was just so odd. But it does go a long way toward confirming some of the impressions Bubba has left with many of his fellow players. There are quite a few unsavory tales out there. His temperament seems to be as orthodox as his swing.
Elling: Yes, there are plenty of Bad Bubba stories, to be sure. Yet at other times, he can be downright charming. You wonder, though, if he is "playing" us, because he blows hot and cold so often, you don't really know his true colors. Other than pink.
Huggan: He certainly did nothing to enhance the stereotypical image of the American abroad. But don't worry, folks, we olde worlde people know you're not all like that -- give us some credit.
Elling: The story of his post-round interview after Thursday at the U.S. Open was a textbook example of his volatility -- he rudely declined to talk about his round, that mindless video he'd shot and his trip a day earlier to the White House.
Huggan: I heard his agent had a huge falling-out with a British newspaper guy, too. All in all, not the most successful sojourn across the pond.
Elling: Actually, many of us are exactly like that -- blissfully ignorant of the world abroad. But we can tell you how much a new Apple cellphone costs and how to use it while driving.
Huggan: That is true. When I was with Golf Digest, a co-worker once asked me if we have Christmas in Scotland. I told her "only every second year," and she went away quite happy.
Elling: Do you celebrate July 4? Just kidding. Sort of. We Yanks just finished the party marking the 200-and-somethingth year since we emancipated ourselves from the rule of King George. Probably a relative of yours.
Elling: Alternate years? Classic. So, you celebrate Christmas during Ryder Cup years. Good to know.
Huggan: I didn't specify odd or even. Bet she wondered later.
One of the best events of the year on the E-Tour takes place this week at the Scottish Open, to be held at a new track in one of the northern-most parts of the U.K., Castle Stuart. It appears to be an ideal prep week for next week's Open. Huggan, since you are at ground zero this week in Scotland, what say you?
Huggan: I am of the opinion that Castle Stuart is the best course built in the British Isles since the Second World War. Only a few minutes ago, Phil Mickelson came into the media center here and was almost giddy in talking about the links. He loves it and sees it as the perfect prep for next week.
Elling: Well, Phil is on the sponsor's payroll and has been known to sit up and sing on demand. What do you personally like about it? How exposed to the water and wind are the holes?
Huggan: The great thing about this course is that anyone -- even you -- could play it, have fun and not lose balls on every hole. It has the same philosophy on which Augusta was built: easy bogeys are there to be had, but pars and birdies are a bit more difficult. It is situated right on the banks of the Moray Firth. Scenically, it can compete with anywhere in the world.
Elling: Wow, finding a wayward ball, that's a heretical notion. Many of the links tracks I have played when in the U.K. have rough so deep, any ball off the fairway is a souvenir. For the next guy.
Huggan: Yes, it can get a wee bit windy up here. The Arctic Circle isn't that far away! As Phil said, "Too many architects are obsessed with making courses longer and harder, thinking that is better. But longer and harder is only longer and harder." He's a bit of a philosopher, old Phil.
Elling: So, from an Open standpoint, it has to provide better prep than the Loch Lomond venue of years past. That was a traditional American-style layout -- tee it high and let it fly. Fair to say the entrants might get something out of the week other than a nice payday?
Huggan: Indeed, there are a few Americans here and I'm sure their numbers will increase as word-of-mouth spreads on the tours.
Elling: How remote is Inverness? Is there a McDonald's? Where will Bubba eat?
Huggan: Inverness is in the Scottish Highlands. It is regularly cut off in the winter when it snows. But it is close to, as you'd expect, Loch Ness. No sign of the monster this week, though.
Huggan: And yes, there is a Mickey Ds.
Elling: Golden arches, golden paydays, golden tuneup for the Open to follow? You're right -- there might be a few Yanks who turn up in the future if the course proves to be a permanent venue. Designed by, dare I say it, a Yank?
Huggan: Yes, architect Gil Hanse did a great job.
Looking forward, California Nick Watney held on against a decent field last weekend outside Philadelphia to win for the second time since March on the PGA Tour. Does he have the stuff to stop the record-setting run of five straight major championships won by international players?
Huggan: I don't see an American winning at Royal St. George's. Of course, I said that last time and up popped a guy called Ben Curtis. That's the great thing about links golf. You never quite know what is going to happen, especially when the course is a bit bouncy, as it was then and is again now.
Elling: Hey, if Curtis can do it ...
Huggan: Curtis did turn out to be a better player than we all thought at the time. But he was still a massive shock. I'd never heard of the guy before that week.
Elling: It remains an amazing victory, even after all this time. I talked to Curtis about his defining win a few weeks back. It was his first start in a major and he beat the best names in the game. Nowhere to go from there but down, really. He came pretty darned close to winning the PGA Championship three years ago, losing in that back-nine battle to Harrington and Sergio. He can play. Just not all that consistently.
Huggan: Indeed. He's a lovely lad too.
Elling: There's enough circumstantial evidence to suggest that Watney has a superior shot to the rest of the American contingent. He was co-low American at the British last year and held the 54-hole lead at the PGA Championship a month later. Then again, what do I know about a preponderance evidence? I live in Orlando, where accused murderess Casey Anthony was just acquitted.
Huggan: Who? Where? What?
Huggan: Watney has a shot though. I like his game in U.S. conditions. But what is he like on a fast-running links? Inexperienced, I suspect.
Elling: At this point, I have no idea who the best American player might be. Maybe it's still Mark Wilson.
Huggan: Monty just walked into the media center. Greeted me with his usual cheery scowl.
Elling: If I gave you $50, who would you put your money on for next week? To win?
Huggan: Had to laugh when he was giving Rory advice on winning majors the other day.
Elling: Well, as we all know, it was Monty's shrewd Ryder captaincy that made Rory the player he is today. You can wager on anybody, not just an American.
Huggan: Graeme McDowell. Free from all the U.S. Open hype and a renowned linkster.
Elling: Really. Good to know. The Ulstermen ride again?
Are we supposed to laugh or cry? Thomas Levet won the French Open before a legion of his countrymen on Sunday, then took a celebratory leap into a greenside pond and cracks a bone in his leg, leaving his availability in doubt for Sandwich next week?
Elling: Maybe he was doing his Jerry Lewis imitation? The French love that guy. This was a big-league pratfall for one of the most popular players on the entire European Tour.
Huggan: Levet has always been a little eccentric, a bit like his compatriot, Jean Van De Velde. And I'm not sure he actually hurt his leg jumping into the lake. He was fine afterward. My suspicion is that the injury was incurred later in the evening. Ooh La la!
|
|
| Thomas Levet's celebration following his French Open victory cost him a trip to the British Open. (Getty Images) |
Elling: Wow, I like that theory better. Levet played a season in the States after his Ryder Cup appearance a few years back and lost his card, but in his short time in the States, he endeared himself to nearly everybody with his sense of humor and self-deprecating style. Is it unreasonable to think of him as a potential captain for the Ryder team when it's played in France in 2018?
Huggan: Or, "that's life" as they say in France. I see Thomas as a great vice-captain. But not a skipper. Not high-profile enough.
Elling: Yet Paul McGinley is on the supposed short list? I think Levet would be a terrific boost for the game in France if he was picked as captain. He's far more at ease in front of cameras than, say, the usually shy Jose Maria Olazabal, and has actually done some work in the booth for foreign broadcast outlets at past majors when he wasn't in the field. The Ryder is an exhibition that's mostly about entertainment, after all. Oops, did I say that out loud? Anyway, the French would definitely be more engaged with a homeboy at the helm, no? Besides, think of all the Napoleon jokes we could crack if the Euros blew it.
Huggan: I actually think Padraig Harrington is more likely to get the nod than Paul. Then there's Thomas Bjorn, Darren Clarke, etc., etc.
Elling: Alas, McGinley is third Irishman.
Huggan: I've never understood why the nationality of the captain is an issue. In 2014 at Gleneagles the captain is unlikely to be Scottish. I couldn't care less. As long as it isn't Monty.
Elling: You think Tiger ever serves as captain? Does he deserve to?
Huggan: Good question. But a moot point, I suspect. It would surprise me if he ever wanted the job. He's probably still bitter that his pal, Mark O'Meara, was passed over in 2006. Which was actually a break given that particular squad was the worst American team in history.
Elling: Well, at the rate he is playing. ... If most guys come up on the captaincy radar at age 46-48 or so, that puts him on the list in another decade or so. He has some major personality rehab to fix before I see it happening.
Huggan: Are you saying Tiger isn't a team guy capable of bonding with the lads over a game of pingpong or a few brews? Say it ain't so.
Elling: He was a bit miffed that O'Meara was snubbed. I recall talking to him about it privately at some point. But in another 12 years, if the Tiger Brand is still a non-starter, he might be begging for the job. I mean, the guy is doing an endorsement deal for a Japanese butt balm.
Huggan: You haven't shared your Open tip with us yet? Who do you fancy? Tiger is more likely to promote the brand by being Presidents Cup captain.
Elling: Hmmmmm, having not been to that venue, that's a hard one. I see no reason not to back the favorite, since he has held a share of the lead at some juncture in the past four majors and Northern Ireland has become the epicenter of the golfing world. All hail the new boy king.
Huggan: How original. It's like you've been on vacation or something.
Elling: Does spending a week with the in-laws count as vacation? Well, as for gambling gambits, you are talking to the one guy who never bets on these things. Ever. Parades of American fans walk into the ubiquitous U.K. betting parlors annually at the Open to hand over their money. I prefer to bet on the sure outcome -- me, spending my money on a cold pint of local lager.
Huggan: Make that a lukewarm pint.
Elling: In fact, I might even buy you a glass. But don't tell the boss, because I intend to put it down on my expense report as "lunch with Tiger Woods."
The biggest title in the female side of the ledger, the U.S. Women's Open, will be staged this week at The Broadmoor, a terrific track situated high in the Colorado mountains. Had you guys noticed?
Huggan: The what? Where? Yes, of course. I pay attention every time my pal Catriona Matthew is in the field. Although women's golf at the moment is more about who is going to be second than first, such is Yani Tseng's dominance.
Elling: Looks like the big news up in the Rockies is the evolving LPGA status of teenager Lexi Thompson, the latest American to ascend to the "potentially the next big thing" hot seat.
Huggan: Tseng is, by miles, the best player. But I'm more focused on the Women's British Open at Carnoustie at the end of the month. I approve of any event played 20 minutes from my front door.
Elling: I read a note recently that said no Korean players have won this year on the LPGA. Shocking. Then again, how many tournaments have been played? Maybe 10? I try to pay attention. Seriously. Carnoustie will have to be softened from its daily rigors, no? It probably plays tougher for members than it will in for the women.
Huggan: The LPGA is in a bit of a mess at present. Stop-start barely does the schedule justice. Sad .... I'm sure the Carnoustie tees will be up and the rough down. Never fear. It's not as if they screwed up that course before, right? What? Oh, never mind.
Elling: Darned right. It's become a spastic, syncopated, scheduling mess. How can fans track what's happening? More gaps than with Tiger's credibility.
Huggan: Boom, boom.
Elling: If they don't mow, they will be out there playing so long, Lexi Thompson will be 30 by the time she finishes and playing against Lorena Ochoa's daughter.
Huggan: You're on a roll. Keep going. All I know is that there is no truth to the rumor that Sergio is changing his name to Sally in a late bid to win a first major.
Elling: It's the malaria talking. I got chomped by several Midwestern mosquitoes on vacation last week that were so large, they had FAA tail numbers and stewardesses. They were tossing out peanuts to victims. Anybody for Sergio as El Nina?
Huggan: On that note, I'm off to lunch. Haggis, neeps and tatties.
Elling: I might be a dumb Yank, but I'd suggest the Big Mac, side salad and diet soda -- with ice. That close to the arctic, you ought to be able to find some.
