AQUARIUS - (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18); You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. you lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes repeatedly. Everyone thinks you are a "F**king Jerk".
PISCES - (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20); You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward. Pisces people screw small animals and pick their nose alot.
ARIES - (Mar. 21 - Apr. 19); You are the pioneer type and hold most people in contempt. You are quick-tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a "Prick".
TAURUS - (Apr. 20 - may 20); You are practical and persistent. You haved dogged determination and work like "hell". Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamn Communist.
GEMINI - (May 21 - June 20); You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are "bisexual". However, you are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a "mean bastard". Gemini's are notorious for thriving on "Incest".
CANCER - (June 21 - July 22); You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are always putting things off. This is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a chit.
LEO - (July 23 - Aug. 22); You consider yourself a "born leader". Others think you are pushy. Most Leo's are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors alot.
VIRGO - (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22); you are the logical type and hate disorder. This chit picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA - (Sept. 23- Oct. 22); You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are a male, you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most Libra women are whores and all Libra's die of venereal diseases.
SCORPIO - (Oct 23 - Nov. 21); You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-b**ch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
SAGITTARIUS - (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21); You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks or pot heads. People laugh at you a lot because you are always getting f**ked.
CAPRICORN - (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19); You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenchit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.