Ok everyone please allow me one moment to say something I've been dying to say for a long time.
THE Cubs ARE IN FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!
Ahhhhh thank you that felt good.
Now we must address the Holiday situation, its been long enough I'm ready to talk.
Its been a trying week for me. Lets just say this Holiday thing hasn't been easy for me. Really! After learning about the trade local authorities had to talk me off the ledge of a very tall building. I mean how much am I supposed to take! First Marky becomes one of those red devils now Matt. Poor Matt Holiday. I remember just one year ago when I drafted Matt in the first round of my redraft league, FIRST ROUND! I can remember how I used to wake up in the morning and feel safe cuz I knew Matt Holiday was in my outfield. What a difference a year makes. Now my joy has been cruely turned into some perverse joke. Two of my favorite MLB players made prisoner of the enemy.
Now poor Matt and Mark are forced, FORCED (by gunpoint no doubt) to play baseball for the heathens to the south.
Every time I think of the two of them I just want to cry.
Cry because there's nothing I can do.
God I can just see their little faces now, full of terror and sorrow every time they walk into that locker room. I can see little Mark shaking in the corner while Albert Pujols pumps himself full of every bovine steroid known to man. I can almost see Matt's hands shaking as he buttons up the white and red rag they force him to wear, all the while Tony La Russa stands nude in a candle strewn pentagram his skin glistening with the blood of a freshly killed ram, all part of some strange ritual he performs to his dark evil overlords, who in return give him a completed lineup card.
I can see the two of them clutching to each other in terror while Rick Ankiel hands another new born child over to a red robed satan (all part of the deal he made to stay in baseball when he realized he couldn't pitch.) Satan Places the child into the satiny folds of his crimson frock then looks at the two terrified prisoners. "Soon," he croaks with one long clawed finger pointed at them, "soon you will give yourselves to me, just like the others." Then, his eyes blazing red, Mephistopheles vanishes into a plume of hell fire.
What could I possibly do to save them? I am just a lowly CBS sports blogger, I have no power to rival the dark forces at work in that club house. All that remains now my good friends is prayer.
Mark and Matt are lost to us, they have been drawn in to the sickening web of pain and evil that is Bush stadium. There will be no saving them. Everyday there young minds will be worn away by La Russa's dark sermons. If their minds cannot be corrupted through words than they will corrupt them through the flesh. Adam Wainright and Chris Carpenter will invite them to join in their decadent Black Orgies, where sweat, blood and other viscous fluids pour like water over young virgin offerings, given to them by their mindless followers.
They will resist, they will, but in the end it will be to much. Matt and Mark will become part of the coven, brothers in darkness. The only thing we can hope for them is that the end will be swift, and painless. Pray that their souls will be saved from that evil and that when their end comes they will fly free of those demons.
Pray, that the shining sword of truth that lies in the Ivy covered chapel to the north will cut through that festering chapel of the damned.
When the time comes for Mark and Matt to face the Blue clad Knights Templar pray that they will be killed quickly.
Farewell friends you shall be missed.
For when the night is blackest, that is when approaches the dawn.
and... CUBS ARE IN FIRST PLACE!
going to the game tonight, gonna get me a big ole slice of some Astro ass!