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Lies Rumors & Results - MaxStout League Wk 2 2012

Posted on: September 27, 2012 2:26 am
 
INS Agents Fired after Drunks Game  When the Commissioner announced that a Mexico based team would join the League this year Drunks owner, Bunky Stout went ballistic. “If the Commissioner thinks that I’m going to cross the border for a fantasy football game he’s got another thing coming” Bunky fumed. “Perhaps no one has noticed but I haven’t been outside Loop 820 for years.” He called the League office to vent and before it was over he had negotiated a deal for the Drunks to play all their 2012 games at home. The Union Gospel Mission was thrilled but that wasn’t all Bunky had up his sleeve. Bunky has had a lot of interaction with law enforcement in the past and he used his contacts to make sure that the INS would be on hand when the Gypsies came to town. “We’re not letting a bunch of wetbacks come up here and play. We want to make sure that everything is done to the letter of the law” Bunky announced but that wasn’t how some observers saw things unfolding. When the Gypsies arrived at the Union Gospel Mission for the Thursday Night game, INS agents pulled the team bus over and detained all the players. “Just a routine check” they were told but Robin wasn’t so sure. “I had the Green Bay defense and Chicago quarterback, Jay Cutler playing on Thursday night. The agents took Cutler off the bus and roughed him up for several hours but they wouldn’t let the D off the bus. They kept telling us that they were just doing a job but we had all the papers ready and everything was in order. I had to pull the D out of the starting lineup at the last minute and I would have pulled Cutler if I’d known what was going on in that back room” Robin reported. “Somebody did a job alright and I’m pretty sure I know who it was.” As the crowd queued up to get into the game, the INS made sure that anyone who looked like they may have been rooting for the Gypsies was threatened with deportation. By kickoff there wasn’t a Gypsies fan in sight. The Drunks took advantage, grabbing the early lead with 13 from Green Bay kicker Mason Crosby. Meanwhile, Cutler was having a tough night for the Gypsies. Rattled by the rough treatment he received before the game and the agents in mirror glasses that surrounded the Gypsies bench he ended the night with four picks and only 126 passing yards. Robin was down but not out. “We decided to fight fire with fire so we showed up on Sunday with a couple of cases of tequila and some bikini clad senoritas. When we pulled up we had the girls hop off the bus with the tequila and we were waved right through the gates.” The Gypsies briefly took the lead in the early game with 14 points from New England tight end Ron Gronkowski but that lead wouldn’t last. The Drunks came back in the late game led by 28 from San Diego quarterback Phillip Rivers and never looked back as the Drunks drill the Gypsies 103 - 66. The big fireworks were after the game. When the video of the INS Agents shooting tequila with bikini clad senoritas hit you tube it really hit the fan. The agents were summarily fired and when rumors that Bunky had used his influence to get them to the game circulated Bunky became the subject of a criminal investigation. The cops aren’t talking but there haven’t been any arrests … yet.

Pugs Lick Lions Stacy Katasse and the Pugs met Frank Katasse and the Smashing Lions on the Juneau Ice Field this week in a matchup that had the whole town buzzing. Everybody from the Thane Ore House to the Nugget Mall had an opinion about the game. It looked like things might get ugly when Stacy headed for the game with Autumn in a Pugs sweatshirt and Frank trailing behind with a Lions T shirt for her but after a brief discussion it was decided that Autumn would change at halftime and it was game on. Stacy grabbed the early lead on Thursday night but her three players only combined for 18 points. The Lions would get on the board in the early game on Sunday when Kansas City wide out Dwaine Bowe went off for 22 points but the Pugs would play their big guns to try to extend the lead. They had New York Giant quarterback Eli Manning and Houston running back Arian Foster on the field. Foster had a nice day posting 21 points but things didn’t start out so well for Eli. He threw three first half interceptions and some in the crowd were concerned that Stacy’s famous stomp might set off an avalanche. Stacy and Eli had a little talk at halftime and Eli came out of the locker room with fire in his eyes. He threw 3 second half TDs and ended with a 32 point day. The Pugs added 20 from the Seattle defense in the late game and that put it out of reach as the Pugs lick the Lions 98 – 74.


Lumberjacks Whack Bulls David Stout’s CowTown Bulls headed out to the piney woods to take on Steve Bruner’s East Texas Okie Lumberjacks at the Tomato Bowl this week. Steve had taken a lot of heat in the local press this week after getting drubbed in week one. “We were a little bit nicked up last week and Maurice Jones-Drew’s holdout had the whole team distracted. With MJD back in the fold and getting a full week’s practice and Steve Smith back in the starting lineup you’re going to see a different team this week” Steve said. The fans weren’t as optimistic but when Steve announced he was bringing in the Pixley Dust singers to perform before the game, ticket sales went through the roof. Steve set up a huge Bulls piñata in the parking lot and tailgaters were erupted when big Jim Bob Bodine’s mighty whack split the Bull in half and sent Lumberjack logo footballs sailing across the parking lot. The Tomato Bowl fans settled in as the Lumberjacks took a slim lead in the early game with Jacksonville running back Maurice Jones-Drew leading the way with 13 points. The best the Bulls could do was 12 from the New England D in the early game and 14 from Dallas quarterback Tony Romo in the late game. The Lumberjacks had better luck. The Tomato Bowl was rocking in the late game when the Lumberjacks opened up a lead behind 23 points from Pittsburgh quarterback Ben Roethlisberger and then extended it with 19 from San Francisco tight end Vernon Davis in the Sunday Night game. The Bulls added 24 from Denver running back Willis McGhee on Monday night but that wouldn’t be enough and the Lumberjacks whack the Bulls 112 - 82.

Panthers Maul Gangstas Bill Cooper was headed north looking to strike gold in Juneau as his Fort Worth Panthers faced Angelo Katasse’s Got Gangsta Wit It at the Gangsta’s new home at Floyd Dryden Middle School. “It’s a fantastic facility.” Angelo told the visiting press corps. “It’s a very convenient location out in the Mendenhall Valley, there’s plenty of parking and we have the only covered seating in Juneau.” Gangsta fans poured into their new home and one couldn’t help notice that there were an unusually high number of young ladies. “That Angelo is just the dreamiest coach I’ve ever seen” one coed was overheard gushing. The home crowd got a good performance in the early game from New York Giant receiver Hakeem Nicks who posted 26 but the Panthers would take the lead with 21 from New Orleans quarterback Drew Brees and 19 from Tampa Bay wide out Vincent Jackson. The Panthers pulled away with 18 from Seattle running back Marshawn Lynch in the late game and never looked back as the Panthers maul the Gangstas 109 – 69.

Goons Rough Up Rednecks Ryan Stout’s REDneck Raiders were in the big apple this week to play Alan Stout’s Goon Squad. This was the home opener for the Goons and the capacity crowd went bonkers when Alan raised the 2011 League Championship Pennant at MCU Park on Coney Island. “The fans have been waiting for this a long time and I can’t wait to raise the 2012 championship banner. The Goons will be the first back to back League champions” Alan told the press. Things started off great for the Goons on Thursday night but Chicago running back Matt Forte left the game with an injury in the third quarter it took the air out of the crowd. Ryan tried to take the momentum in the early game on Sunday, sending out five players but the best performance he got was 13 from New Orleans tight end Jimmy Graham. The REDnecks added 32 from Washington quarterback Robert Griffin III in the late game to build a 23 point lead going into Monday Night. The REDnecks were played out but the Goons still had Atlanta quarterback Matt Ryan and Denver receiver Demaryius Thomas. Both reached double digits with Ryan leading the way posting 22 points on the night. The Goons come from behind win had the joint jumping as the Goons rough up the REDnecks 79 – 66.

Nobody Takes Bus Sam Stout’s nobody was at Texas Stadium this week to face Mike Roubadeaux’s Ken Kesey’s Bus. As always, the tailgate parties were in full swing before the game and the Bus crowd came in hopped up and ready to roll so the Bus sent out five players in the early game. Philadelphia quarterback Mike Vick had the home crowd roaring with 24 points but didn’t get a lot of help. Meanwhile, Sam went with the running game early and it paid off. Cleveland running back Trent Richardson and Miami running back Reggie Bush combined for 58 points. Nobody also got it done through the air. New York receiver Victor Cruz pitched in 24 and Nobody takes the Bus 129 -89.

Hellions Dump Dads Mike Stout’s Whose Yo Daddy was in Hollar Stadium last week to face off with Richard Cooper’s Hollar hellions. The Hellions faithful had packed the stadium that many now refer to as “Richard’s World” for the 2012 home opener and, as always, they making lots of noise. “Hellion fans are the best fans in the world” Richard said as the crowd roared while the Hellions were introduced. It only got louder as Buffalo running back C.J. Spiller scored two first half TDs for the Hellions and put 29 points on the board for the day. The Dads answered with 27 from Carolina quarterback Cam Newton to keep it close. Richard’s World was rocking as the Hellions pulled away in the late game led by 17 from San Francisco running back Frank Gore and the Hellions dump the Dads 125 – 76.


Be sure to check your lineup before the Thursday Night game.


Good luck to all next week!

Max Stout
Commissioner
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