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Blog Entry

Destination Scouting Report: East Lansing, Mich.

Posted on: February 21, 2010 12:53 am
Edited on: March 9, 2010 8:44 pm
Each morning, the CBS College Basketball Road Trip team will stop spooning each other in their Motel Six beds at the crack of noon, grab a couple of NCAA approved bagels and hit the road in pursuit of their next college basketball destination.  Though their dossier and agenda are to supposed to remain top secret, I went to high school with one of the writers from "Viva Laughlin" and CBS forgot to take back his keys.  Here is what he found…

By:  Thomas Beisner

12:30 AM

The story of how East Lansing came to be has the sexiness of Susan Boyle and the entertainment value of Riding the Bus with My Sister. So, for the purposes of this, let’s just pretend that many believe that East Lansing just appeared one day, while others argue the city evolved from monkeys. Both sides, however, agree that it’s in Michigan.  (I hope my vague reference to the Big Bang Theory makes up for the Viva Laughlin jokes...have I mentioned how much I love CBS?).

Traveling Distance: Unshaken by the Iowa blizzard and the audible that landed them at DePaul, our road warriors have just over 200 miles between themselves and the center of Big 10 basketball. In real time, that’s about three hours. In “this is the fourth destination of this road trip” time, that’s miserable. On the positive side, they’ll at least have time to discuss if Louisville fans tucked Black and Milds in their ears for fashion or for function.

Historical Relevance: Michigan State students pack an area of the Breslin Center called the Izzone and the Spartan program can boast of Magic Johnson and The Flintstones. Ohio State, meanwhile, gave the world 1960 National Champion Bobby Knight and the “O-H, I-O” chant, a duo more hateable than Spencer and RoboHeidi.

Boarding School: The Spartans have never been afraid to unleash a football player on your power forward or throw an awkwardly physical white guy on the floor in an effort to grab a rebound (Duke point guard and Michigan State center have to be the whitest position of the last decade, right?). This team is no different - and it could spell doom for the Buckeyes, especially on the offensive end. Michigan State has over 100 more offensive rebounds this season than the Buckeyes and will look to beat them up inside. Can we tag those last seven words under “Rick Pitino jokes”?

Grudge Factor: I’m sure these teams hate each other, but not as much as I hate them. It all stems from the 1999 Final Four. I was there and my beloved Kentucky Wildcats were not, thanks to Michigan State. Ohio State was apparently not there at all thanks to Jim O’Brien. What we were left with was Khalid El-Amin’s beer gut winning a national title and Jake Voskuhl’s hair permanently placed in the record books. These schools must accept at least a little blame for this.

Famous Alumni: For Ohio State, Greg Oden’s genitalia probably has the highest Google ranking, but I don’t think it graduated. But, as far as true alumni go, Ohio State can be proud of Tomlin and Drew’s favorite writers (Bruce Vilanch and R.L. Stine) and Matt’s favorite basket-weaver (Tami Longaberger). Michigan State, meanwhile, earns bragging rights over James Caan, professional junkie Tom Sizemore and lover of the Charles Manson joke, Jemele Hill.

Agenda: While the goal is likely to see how good Evan Turner is and if he has anything up his sleeve the day after John Wall improved his National Player of the Year stock, that’s probably not what will happen. I foresee trouble in reigning in Matt while in the same building as his man crush, Tom Izzo, and Drew disappearing once he finds out Michigan State has the largest “study abroad” program in the United States (abroad is one word, Drew).

East Lansing, let‘s do this.

Since: Feb 18, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 1:08 pm

Destination Scouting Report: East Lansing, Mich.

Good article Beez..hilarious.  You guys are doing a great job.  Tell Jones to keep making the dirty, filthy Cards angry at us.  It never gets old!

Since: Feb 20, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 10:36 am

Destination Scouting Report: East Lansing, Mich.

I was just in Okemos and you all should definitely have taken your KSR attacks the suburbs to this part of the world. Did TJ actually go on the trip? He posted about ER trip with a youngun (again, dang TJ are you training him for a career as a movie stuntman?) and then he is on here talking about MSU...confused. Anyway well done, glad to hear that all is relatively well and the cracks about Odens loki-like member was a classic.

Since: Feb 21, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 10:33 am

Destination Scouting Report: East Lansing, Mich.

I'm glad you guys aren't holding back. Oden's genitalia? Keep on keepin on boys.  Oh yeah, Steve Stiffler went to Michigan State too.

Since: Aug 5, 2009
Posted on: February 21, 2010 9:55 am

Destination Scouting Report: East Lansing, Mich.

Great post Beisner!  as always....  looking forward to the post about the game today... keep up the GREAT work guys!

Since: Feb 20, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 8:28 am

Destination Scouting Report: East Lansing, Mich.

Well done bees. Any post that can tie beer guts, genitalia, Tami Longaberger and Susan Boyle is comic gold.

Since: Mar 10, 2008
Posted on: February 21, 2010 6:41 am

Scouting the KSR Crew

Tom Izzo was Jamie Dixon's scoutmaster.  He "knows who you are", Jones.

Since: Feb 21, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 2:50 am

Scouting the Destination: East Lansing, Michigan

First of all I love KSR, I'm still a huge cat fan and I'm going to school here at MSU(not Morehead State University).  Where are you guys hanging out in the EL?

Since: Feb 18, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 2:01 am


Voskhul looks like the love child of Gary Busey and Drew Franklin.




Since: Feb 19, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 1:45 am

Thanks Beez

I had almost gotten the image of Jake Voskhul out of my mind for good. Like groundhog day, though, now I can now expect 10 more years of Voskhul winter. Thanks a million Beez! 

Since: Feb 18, 2010
Posted on: February 21, 2010 1:42 am

Scouting the Destination: East Lansing, Michigan


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