On the 234th anniversary of the British invading Massachusetts, patriotism suffered another blow, this time in Oklahoma City, as Kansas put a spanking on Patriot League champion Lehigh, 90-74.
Not surprisingly, it wasn’t Cole Aldrich or Sherron Collins, both America-loving All-Americans, who stuck a fork into patriotism. Though they finished with 11 and 18 points respectively, it was one half of the Jayhawks’ sophomore twin tandem that unleashed a furious attack on all things red, white, blue and brown.
Marcus “Benedict Arnold” Morris hit 12 of his 15 shots for 26 points (in 26 minutes) and pulled down 10 rebounds, six of them coming on the offensive end. Morris’ outburst came on the heels of a great performance in the Big XII Championship Game, where he went for 18 and 8 against Kansas State, widely regarded as “America’s Team”.
It’s clear that Marcus Morris has beef with America, but why?
Well, according to a source who wanted to remain nameless, Morris has been out to squash all things patriotic since a book report in the fourth grade. According to the source, each student was assigned a U.S. president for the report and Morris mistakenly did his on George Washington Carver, not George Washington, leading to harassment and heckling throughout the rest of his prep career. For some reason or another, Morris blamed this confusion on George Washington himself and has aimed to destroy America ever since. By committing to Kansas, he hoped that a red, white and blue jersey would make him fly under the radar, thus making him seem less conspicuous on his quest to kill patriotism.
But, by sending the Patriot League into NCAA tournament extinction so emphatically, has Morris made himself a target? Only time will tell.
In the meantime, Morris and his Kansas teammates will move on to face Northern Iowa in the second round of the Midwest bracket on Saturday. Should they advance, the Jayhawks will travel to Missouri, the home of George Washington Carver, possibly paving the way for Morris' greatest basketball performance yet.