Blog Entry

Harvey Updyke's lawyer wants off the case

Posted on: February 18, 2011 1:00 pm
Posted by Tom Fornelli

The country's most famous tree-killer, Harvey Updyke, may have to find himself a new lawyer. When Updyke was arrested for poisoning the trees at Auburn's Toomer's Corner the court appointed him a lawyer, Phillip O. Tyler. Well, Tyler doesn't really want to handle the case and he's filed a motion to remove himself from it.

Why? Well, Tyler's current law firm represents Auburn, and he's a part-time professor at the school. He also lives in Auburn and is a fan, saying that he has "numerous personal and family ties to Auburn University."

Which would be what we in the business call a "conflict of interest." I can only imagine the type of defense a lawyer from Auburn would craft for an Alabama fan who may have destroyed Toomer's Corner. It would probably be something along the lines of standing in front of the jury and screaming "He did it! He killed the trees! I urge you to sentence him to death!"

Which would likely please the Auburn fan base, but it wouldn't reflect too kindly on the American judicial system.

Since: Aug 29, 2006
Posted on: February 18, 2011 1:39 pm

Harvey Updyke's lawyer wants off the case

They're 130 year old trees, poisoned with a controlled substance (at more than 50 times a typical leathal dose) that will leave the ground where those trees stand and a large area around them very toxic to plants for many years to come - unless all that ground is dug up and replaced.

For this, "Al" isn't likely to be fined.  He's likely to go to jail for a third degree felony spending 2-3 years (of a maximum 10) behind bars contemplating just how stupid this "prank" was.  And that at the very least would be a reasonable end to this story and reason that future "pranksters" won't follow in his footsteps...

Since: Jan 3, 2008
Posted on: February 18, 2011 1:34 pm

Harvey Updyke's lawyer wants off the case

Avengersgirl-Save us from your "THE VIEW" response. Besides locals or alumns at Auburn nobody gives a shit.

Since: Sep 27, 2006
Posted on: February 18, 2011 1:30 pm

Harvey Updyke's lawyer wants off the case

The author of this piece, and other people I've seen, seem to be laughing because "all" the guy did was kill two trees.

Trees that had been around for decades. Trees that had sentimental value.

But the pesticide he used lasts in the ground for decades so anything else that is planted there is going to die, too.

So let's get into the part of this that you guys can understand and perhaps appreciate. The university is going to have to dig up tons of soil and put it somewhere else, and truck in soil  and new trees. And that's going to cost thousands of dollars - which hopefully Updyke will have to pay.

Then there's the fact that the magic is dead. People gather in that spot from now on, and I'll they'll be able to think about is that some a-hole decided that his pleasure was more important than the pleasure of thousands of football fans.

The man has set a precedent. You don't think future "pranksters" aren't going to do even more destructive things, up to and including kidnapping and killing school mascots, torching buildings, etc? If you you little know human nature. Everyone who has read this story has been soiled by it, and there are thousands of arrogant SOBS who are going to take inspiration from this and take it to the next level.

And we can blame it all on Updyke, who probably confidently expects to get just a slap on the wrist, and then continue with his life as if nothing had happened.

Since: Jan 3, 2008
Posted on: February 18, 2011 1:20 pm

Harvey Updyke's lawyer wants off the case

Its a damn tree. Only in america is this news.


Since: Dec 23, 2008
Posted on: February 18, 2011 1:17 pm

Harvey Updyke's lawyer wants off the case

Tom Fornelli writes like a school girl. Great job on the story, did you write this while taking a dump?  Tom, all you had to do was just post this goofy jerk's police photo and say "this is the man who tried to kill a tree, have a good weekend everyone." made an attempt.  Well done intern.

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