Blog Entry

Man vs. Woman vs. Machine: Week 6

Posted on: October 6, 2011 3:06 pm
 

Posted by Tom Fornelli


Man vs. Woman vs. Machine is a feature that runs every Thursday afternoon. It is here that Tom Fornelli fights against the rising tide of female empowerment and technology to ensure that men everywhere can at least claim that college football is still theirs. He does this by picking a set of games against the spread against his girlfriend, Lynn, and his Playstation 3.

I dug a pretty deep hole for myself in the first week of the season. After picking 15 games that week, I found myself three games behind both Woman and Machine. I don't know what happened that week, maybe it was because I hadn't seen any teams play this season, and I didn't have much to base my selections on. Maybe I just wanted to make this competition more challenging.

I don't know.

All I do know is that I'm out of the hole. Yes, it took a month, but after Machine imploded on its own, I have now caught Woman. This week I overtake her and reclaim the throne for men everywhere.

Oregon (-24 1/2) vs. Cal - Thurday, 9pm (All times Eastern)

Man - Ever since losing to LSU the Ducks offense seems to be on a mission to prove that the opening night debacle was a fluke. I don't think it was, but I also don't doubt Oregon's ability to put up 60 on Cal. So while I'm leery of this spread, I'm rolling with it anyway. Pick: Oregon

Woman - "How am I supposed to make this pick without an advance peek at the Ducks new sexy-time home jerseys? Here's how: Eight of the last 11 games between the two schools have been decided by 10 points or less." Pick: Cal

Machine - The Machine prefers the hippies who live amongst the trees, not in them. Oregon in a rout, 49-17. Pick: Oregon

Georgia Tech (-15 1/2) vs. Maryland - Saturday, 12pm

Man - I don't think Maryland is going to win this game, but I really feel that at some point the Terps are going to play a game on offense that is much better than anything we've seen the last few weeks. I'm hoping that it's this Saturday, because I'm taking those two touchdowns. Pick: Maryland

Woman - "Maryland, you're up against a team averaging 50 points a game, half your defense is sidelined, you have freshmen playing in their places, and your offense is still trying to 'find itself' - kinda hard when it can't stay on the field for more than thirty seconds. But hey, how 'bout them uniforms!" Pick: Georgia Tech

Machine - The option offense that Georgia Tech runs is a reminder of a world in which The Machine did not exist, therefore The Machine refuses to acknowledge it even exists. Maryland wins 27-20. Pick: Maryland

Oklahoma (-9 1/2) vs. Texas - Saturday, 12pm

Man - There's a part of me hoping that Texas can pick up a win this weekend just because I think it'd make the rest of the Big 12 season incredibly interesting, but even though we already know Bryan Harsin knows how to beat Oklahoma, I'm just not convinced that the Longhorns are ready for this yet. Pick: Oklahoma

Woman - "Just heard an analyst say the Red River Rivalry is a traditionally close game. Really? I checked scores and the winner has prevailed by 10 or more points 7 times out of the last 10 years. With an experienced Landry Jones pitted against a QB committee, it's gonna be 8 out of 11." Pick: Oklahoma

Machine - We have a clean sweep here, as The Machine tells us that Landry Jones will throw for 428 yards and 4 touchdowns as Oklahoma knocks off Texas 37-20. Pick: Oklahoma

Virginia Tech (-7 1/2) vs. Miami - Saturday, 3:30pm

Man - I feel like I'm reading a story about another Miami player being lost for the season every day, and even though the Hokies got a wake-up call from Clemson last week, I still think Virginia Tech is a superior team to Miami. Pick: Virginia Tech

Woman - "A blood rivalry in one of the toughest venues in the country. Miami's got a strong defense but the Hokies need to get the taste of Clemson out of their mouths. They'll win but it won't be a runaway. (And hey, Hokies: bonus points for anyone who posts a pic of David Wilson's tricked-out maroon and burnt orange 1978 Thunderbird. I am jonesing to see it.)" Pick: Miami

Machine - The Machine isn't worried about Virginia Tech's performance last week, but it does seem concerned about all the "viruses" that Miami is dealing with on its injury report. Tech wins 31-17. Pick: Virginia Tech

Kansas State vs. Missouri (-3 1/2) - Saturday, 3:30pm

Man - Bill Snyder has made me a believer in the Wildcats, as has Arthur Brown and that defense. James Franklin has not done the same for the Missouri offense. You want to give me points with a team I believe in at home? I'll take them. Pick: Kansas State

Woman - "So, Vegas is picking a .500 team on the road over an undefeated top-20 team? I guess not enough people were betting." Pick: Kansas State

Machine - James Franklin goes off for 410 total yards and 4 touchdowns as Mizzou puts an end to Kansas State's unbeaten season, 38-14. Pick: Missouri

LSU (-13 1/2) vs. Florida - Saturday, 3:30pm

Man - Here's a better bet for this game: How long until Jeff Driskel decides he doesn't want to play football. I mean, the freshman began his career last week coming on for an injured John Brantley against Alabama. This week he gets the LSU defense. That is no way to begin a career. Pick: LSU

Woman - "Les is more." Pick: LSU

Machine - The Machine has no concept of fear, so it obviously has no idea what Jeff Driskel is going to be dealing with on Saturday night. Florida wins 24-20. Pick: Florida

Arkansas (-10 1/2) vs. Auburn - Saturday, 7pm

Man - If this game is anything like the contest between these two schools that we saw last year, it's going to be very fun, and it's not going to be over before midnight. Still, the more I think about it the less I feel like I can trust the Auburn offense to keep up with Arkansas after Michael Dyer collapses from exhaustion following his 83rd carry in the third quarter. Pick: Arkansas

Woman - "Auburn pulled it out against a scattered South Carolina last week but they were just staving off the inevitable. The Tigers are still last in the SEC in total defense, pass defense and scoring defense and first in the hearts of an Arkansas team that wants revenge. (By the way, I have unearthed some rare NSFW archival footage of native Auburn fans watching last year's Auburn/Arkansas game. Particularly fascinating are the propane tanks inside the house.  Now I know how Margaret Mead must have felt when she first set foot in Samoa.)" Pick: Arkansas

Machine - The Machine doesn't see quite the same shootout we saw last year, but there's not a whole lot of defense in this one either. Arkansas overpowers the Tigers in the end and wins 41-30. Pick: Arkansas

Northwestern vs. Michigan (-5 1/2) - Saturday, 7pm

Man - Northwestern is just a different team with Dan Persa, and I feel like this could be the toughest test the Michigan defense has faced all year. I'm not sure who is going to win or lose, but I'm pretty sure it's going to come down to the final minutes, so I'm taking the points. Pick: Northwestern

Woman - "Northwestern has committed a lot to its 'Persa Strong' campaign. Maybe too much. They'll slap on some Kinesio and stick him out there again but I'm betting he's sidelined before the end of the third quarter and this becomes a blowout." Pick: Michigan

Machine - Apparently The Machine reads Denard Robinson's now deleted Twitter account, as Denard struggles on Saturday night and Northwestern prevails 33-20. Pick: Northwestern

Texas Tech vs. Texas A&M (-6 1/2) - Saturday, 7pm

Man - So far this season I've seen Texas Tech struggle at times with Kansas and Nevada the last two weeks. Sure, I've also seen Texas A&M collapse against Oklahoma State and Arkansas, but Texas Tech isn't Arkansas or Oklahoma State. The Aggies right the ship this week. Pick: Texas A&M

Woman - "Before the pick: After 70 years, we need a little sad goodbye music to commemorate the end of this historic rivalry. Okay, back to business. Hey, Aggies, once burned, shame on you. Twice burned, are you flipping kidding? I'm not putting my hand into the flames a third time, especially when I'm getting points." Pick: Texas Tech

Machine - The second half collapses end this week, as the Aggies have a relatively easy time in Lubbock, winning 45-27. Pick: Texas A&M

Nebraska (-10 1/2) vs. Ohio State - Saturday, 8pm 

Man - I honestly have no faith in either one of these offenses right now, but I'm more confident that Nebraska actually has an offense. I'm not sure I can say the same about Ohio State. Pick: Nebraska

Woman - "After last week's respective debacles, this game feels like I'll be watching two bloodied fighters hoping the other taps the canvas first.  The Buckeyes might put up a fight for the first five minutes but the Huskers ground and pound will drop them soon enough." Pick: Nebraska

Machine - Nebraska enjoys Big Ten games at home a lot more than it does on the road, and the Huskers knock off Ohio State 24-20. Pick: Ohio State

Standings

Season Record (Last week)

1. Woman 34-21 (6-4)
2. Man 34-21 (7-3)
3. Machine 29-26 (6-4) 
Comments
kkjyywlpo
Since: Dec 2, 2011
Posted on: December 17, 2011 2:09 am
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Since: Sep 18, 2010
Posted on: October 6, 2011 8:56 pm
 

Man vs. Woman vs. Machine: Week 6

"... maybe it was because I hadn't seen any teams play this season, and I didn't have much to base my selections on. Maybe I just wanted to make this competition more challenging..."

Or maybe it's because you are a total luckbox.


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