And I thought this cat commercial was pornographic...
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1. "It's not pretty, gentleman. This guy tried to watch the entire "L" section in one sitting. He's got the worst friction burns I've ever seen. I guess he didn't realize how many movies start with the words "Lesbian" or "Lick"."
2. Sgt. Schamber's new mask was not only ineffective, ironically, at also made for an obvious target.
3. "You don't like that call, eh? Well, eh, what aboot if I drop these here gloves. Wanna make something of it then, hoser?"
4. Women in the WNBA can not only find love in the arms of fellow players, but also in the company of a pet. With any luck, other humans may start appreciating their existence any year now!
5. In shocking revelation, it was learned that Michael Jackson still exists as a circa 1978 black man... The confusion spawned from the fact that, for some reason, Jacko hired Joakim Noah to star in 48 consecutive music videos.