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Blog Entry

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

Posted on: October 2, 2008 10:59 pm
 
Not to shed light away from Breast Cancer Awareness, but October is also Domestic Violence Awareness Month as well.

Chances are you know someone that has been victim to Domestic Violence. The statistics are staggering. One in four women has been a victim to domestic violence in her lifetime. Did you know that almost 1/3 or the American society say they know someone that has been a victim of domestic violence?  You can find more statistics at: http://endabuse.org/resources/facts
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For nearly a third of my life, I was a victim to domestic violence. At first it started off as verbal abuse. Here I was this independently outspoken female, being shouted down and demeaned into a corner. Fearing my life with every breath, every wrong comment. I began to disassociate myself from people I knew and loved, I was ashamed, scared that they'd see through the mask I was putting up and see the reality. I was called nasty names, and while all this was going on, I made excuses...it's stress, I provoked things, etc.

I was never able to find an out, I had lost a sense of myself, I was not who I used to be. I was tattered and feared if I misspoke or did something that would set things off, we'd have an outrageous blow-up. I walked rather lightly at times, chose words rather lightly, learned not to push buttons and bite my tongue and turn the other cheek.

I had a son, and things got worse. I almost left, but feared things would get even worse, so I stayed. Continuing to fight a silent fight. Then one day, I found some friends, that convinced me I needed to take action. I began to make plans secretly to remove myself and my son from the situation. And then one night, something I had never expected to happen did. No longer was it only verbal, it became physical. My life flashed before my eyes. I knew I could not leave that night, as it would have been a struggle, but as soon as it was safe I did.  My son and I left, not knowing the road ahead.

Sometime has passed since the incident, I have had the benefit of the assistance of close family members as well as very supportive friends. They have lifted me up and made me realize I was worthwhile and can do this. I can be myself. I can be independent, creative again. I often wonder, what if I did not have the support systems that I had, would I still be in that situation? Shortly after the incident, I had a conversation with a social worker, she told me had I wanted to flee to a shelter instead of my Father's, I would have had to wait for three weeks, as that was the waiting list for a shelter for victim's of DV. I was shocked. Three weeks for victim's of DV, could be the difference of walking out of an abusive situation on your own accord, or being carried out on a stretcher or much worse in a box.

I chose to fight, to no longer be a victim, to no longer be victimized, I CHOSE to survive.

I have also had people say to me after the fact, I suspected something was wrong, but did not want to say something. If you ever suspect that someone you know is a victim of DV, be the outspoken friend, lend support and enable and empower your friend or family member a way out of the situation. I did not realize that so many people noticed that I was in a bad situation...but very few had the courage to speak.

Victim's of domestic violence are everywhere. We can be anyone, we could be your corporate CEO, the greeter at your local discount store, stay at home mom, fry cook at your local eatery, the person standing next to you in line...anyone. As a survivor of DV, my goal now is to share my story, with whoever will listen, give a voice to those who need it, and give an exit to those who need one.

Spread awareness. The Purple Ribbon is for Domestic Violence Awareness.
Comments

Since: Oct 4, 2007
Posted on: October 30, 2008 11:28 pm
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

Wow, dook. That is truly amazing and such a testament to the lives many other people in this world live, but yet they are scared to do nothing about it. I am proud of you, for getting yourself out of that situation. I wish the best for you and your son, I and pray that God keep you safe. It's been really nice having conversation with you on this board, and I think this story really shows what you are all about. Have a good night.



Since: Nov 4, 2007
Posted on: October 9, 2008 7:56 pm
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

It's like I have always told you dookisevil!

I admire your courage and you and your Son are certainly worth the effort. No one has the right to try to subjugate or crush the spirit of another. Whether in the name of "Love" or not it is just plain wrong! Congratulations on your continued growth!




Since: Dec 28, 2006
Posted on: October 6, 2008 1:49 pm
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

dook:

I applaud the courage that it took for you to get yourself and your son out of that situation.  So often fear becomes paralyzing and the thought of getting away from the abuser is bigger than the fear of staying.  I especially admire the courage that you show by talking about your abuse.  I can only hope that your courage will empower someone else to take the same gutsy steps that you did to liberate themselves from this travesty.




Since: Dec 20, 2006
Posted on: October 6, 2008 1:05 pm
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

I am so proud of you for standing up and getting out of that situation.  Domestic abuse alters the person's behavior and changes them - it takes a lot of courage to pack up and leave into the unknown especially when one has a child.... but you did it and you are your own lively, confident self again. 

I echo Gezemice.

Dookisevil, it is hard for me to comprehend such a difficult situation, let alone appreciate the amount of courage required to do something about it. All I can say is that you are to be commended for taking a stand against DV -- when I know there are so many out there who are, for one reason or another, incapable of doing that.

I'm hopeful you know there are many of us out here who are supportive of, and sympathetic to your plight. If everyone had your brand of personal strength and resolve, I'm certain we would have far fewer tragedies as a result.




Since: Sep 10, 2006
Posted on: October 5, 2008 9:21 pm
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

To the women that have been abused, are currently being abused and those that will be abused...

A man that will hit you once, will always resort to hitting you again and again... When he's not slapping you around, he'll be threatening to... Then, when you are getting a break from the beating, he'll talk to you like you are trash and make you feel worthless... His ability to make you feel worthless is his goal... The less you feel about yourself, the more you'll depend on that dirt bag...

Be strong and live... Your life is important...

 




Since: Sep 23, 2006
Posted on: October 5, 2008 8:19 pm
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

I'm glad you got out Dook. It's always a disaster that keeps getting worse. The abuser seldom changes his or her stripes.




Since: Jan 26, 2007
Posted on: October 5, 2008 10:04 am
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

I am glad and proud of you for being able to get out of that situation. What people don't understand about DV, is that it lowers your self worth and your self image to the point it makes it close to impossible to get out of that situation. It takes a great amount of personal strength and a very supportive family and friends to help you through, and I am glad to see that you have both, AND the strength to share your plight, and victorious ending.

Dook is right - If you think that you know somebody that is dealing with DV (and it can be both female AND male. Believe it or not, there are just as many males that suffer through DV - they just do not report it) make it a point to ask if things are going well at home. Even if they lie, you can tell from their response that they are in trouble. Be the FRIEND and get them the help they need to rectify their situation...it could mean saving a life.


You are absolutely correct in stating that people who are subjected to this, ultimately suffer from a low self esteem and image. To constantly be broken down verbally is a horrible thing. Thankfully, I was not subjected to a tremendous amount of physical violence, and when I was, I took the rose colored glasses off and got the heck out. Not so many are as fortunate as myself to have such a strong support system. For this, I am so thankful, as I am gaining chunks of my life prior to the incidents back, piece by piece....and it is so good to be me again.




Since: Sep 10, 2006
Posted on: October 4, 2008 5:11 pm
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

I am glad and proud of you for being able to get out of that situation. What people don't understand about DV, is that it lowers your self worth and your self image to the point it makes it close to impossible to get out of that situation. It takes a great amount of personal strength and a very supportive family and friends to help you through, and I am glad to see that you have both, AND the strength to share your plight, and victorious ending.

Dook is right - If you think that you know somebody that is dealing with DV (and it can be both female AND male. Believe it or not, there are just as many males that suffer through DV - they just do not report it) make it a point to ask if things are going well at home. Even if they lie, you can tell from their response that they are in trouble. Be the FRIEND and get them the help they need to rectify their situation...it could mean saving a life.



Since: Jul 17, 2008
Posted on: October 4, 2008 10:26 am
 

A victim no more...I chose to fight and survive.

I noticed I got a 1 star from colts when I looked at my profile this morning about my response to dook's blog about DV. So I scroll down and this jerk makes a nasty joke about Dook's tremendous courage to do something about it. I shouldn't even be responding to something like this but this topic is a very important issue in the world today and people need to be made aware of how much of a crisis it is. I wish they could lock people up from even joking about something like this. No doubt colts has some serious issues. colts if you read this my email is public for all to see so if you want to discuss this with me in private feel free to do so you piece of garbage.


Colts.
Since: Aug 27, 2008
Posted on: October 4, 2008 10:13 am
This comment has been removed.

Post Deleted by Administrator



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