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Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

Posted on: November 5, 2008 1:15 pm
Edited on: November 5, 2008 1:18 pm

The future of working outIn last week's episode of People Who Drive Eric Nuts at the Gym, we (who is this we? This isn't written by a group of people, you moron!) looked at  WalkisEndlesslyusBetweenusSets.

This week's entry has little to do with extended narcissistic breaks between deadlifts or a complete lack of form during group workouts like NoFormusFemalus. Rather, this is strictly a fashion issue. So if we may go Bravo on you for 250 or so words, this week's PAGDEN is FutureMan.

Who is FutureMan? He's the gentleman sporting the latest and greatest in gym attire, and looking oddly futuristic in doing so. This usually involves being covered head to toe in some sort of Under Armour-Nike Dry-Nike Shox-iPod Touch w/sweatproof cover and pedometer mishmash. This individual, inspired by his attire, can be typically seen working on machines lifting light amounts of weight and causing blindness to people who stare too long at the sheen radiating from his body.

But let's break it all down:

His habitat is ... around light weights, usually machines. Checking out the merch for sale at the gym. Sometimes spotted on elliptical machine.

You may notice him ... wearing bright colors, because you can't see any flesh on this breed of human, in skin tight, synthetic clothing.

What drives him nuts ... noticing another FutureMan gym patron with more futuristic attire on.

The deal with FutureMan is that he believes the clothes make the workout man. But there is good to FutureMan. Because sweat simply beads off the man and doesn't collect on his synthetic skin, there's rarely a residue left by him on machines.

Who drives you nuts at the gym (Maybe it's me, the person watching everybody else at the gym!)? Next week we'll have another PAGDEN.

On to the best blogs ... around

The Greek Speaks presents The Best Damn Poll In The Land's Top 25 for week 10. As usual, it's better than anything spat out by a computer.

Random Thoughts about Stuff has some pretty wild thoughts about what the Dodgers should do this offseason, including acquiring Jake Peavy and sending Andruw Jones back where he came from.

It's been nearly two days since the Allen Iverson-Chauncey Billups blockbuster wend down. Thoughts of Basketball weighs in, with plenty of criticism for all parties.

Lastly, if you like Minnesota sports, check in on Minnesota Homer, who breaks down all the teams in the Great Lake State.

Klick of the Day 

Making the most of having one line on The Sopranos (NSFW: language)


Since: Mar 9, 2007
Posted on: November 10, 2008 1:15 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

Used to be. Now I'm the cleanly shorn guy staring at people while jogging on the treadmill.

Since: Oct 19, 2007
Posted on: November 8, 2008 11:49 am

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan


Who me?  Sarcastic?  Why would you suspect that?  Yeah, betting against the Steelers right now may not be a good idea.  I just lost an av bet myself and have to wear Jay Culter for a week.  At least he graduated from my almamater Vanderbilt, so it's not all bad.  But man, Browns fans like me really don't like Denver very much and I'll be counting the days.

Since: Oct 28, 2008
Posted on: November 7, 2008 5:01 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

What really drives me nuts is when you walk by a sexy girl thats on a treadmill or a stationary bike with some sexy tights and you take a big wiff and i smell the best thing in the world,i think you know what im talking about and if you dont know i will give a hint guys have nuts and girls have this.YUMMY I LOVE IT.

Since: Aug 25, 2006
Posted on: November 7, 2008 3:15 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

So you're the creepy bearded guy that stares at people while sitting on the stationary bike without pedaling.

Since: Mar 9, 2007
Posted on: November 7, 2008 2:17 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

As for my avatar. I thought the world knew why (and maybe there was sarcasm in your question), but I lost a bet with MLF regarding the Redskins-Steelers game. Hence, why I'm the proud owner of a Troy Polamalu avatar. RedskinsFail.

The gym is a helluva place to people watch. One of these days, I may even workout while there!

Since: Aug 25, 2006
Posted on: November 5, 2008 5:28 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

FutureMan also works out at my gym.  However he also sports a cell phone complete with the holster.  His workout is split 50/50 in doing the light weight machines and talking on said cell phone.

I also get a kick out of the guy that shows up at the gym and does the same three excercises each session.

Since: Sep 29, 2008
Posted on: November 5, 2008 4:44 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

I read Jelly's blog a few days ago about "The Dark Days are Here" and he was encouraging me to go work out to not be so depressed, especially since I drive from Detroit to every Browns game, but I already went out and bought a whole new wardrobe of futureman gear... I even bought it a size too small to excentuate my soft physic that I have developed over the past 4 winters. I only hope that the people in the gym take a liking to me and my futuristic clothes... LOL

Since: Oct 19, 2007
Posted on: November 5, 2008 4:21 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

I went to Dick's with my wife last Summer to buy some gym outfits for me.  More than anything, I decided the money spent buying clothes would commit me to actually going.  If I had gone by myself, I would have come home with gray tops and bottoms, spent $50 or so on three outfits, and been done with it.  But no, I went with my shopping crazy wife, and came back with three styles and colors to fit my mood.  Nothing like your futureman though.  At least the shopping worked.  After I spent the money on gym clothes nothing was going to stop me from using them!

By the way Eric, I notice you took the pic down that you've had up forever and replaced it with an av of Steeler great Polamalu.  What brought that on? Do you not like the Redskins so much anymore?  Curious if you've become a Steeler fan?   

Since: Jul 7, 2008
Posted on: November 5, 2008 3:19 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

Whatever happened to using and old white tee, some cross trainers, and the gym shorts you wore in high school? I'm not putting my money into FuTuReMaN!

Since: Jun 30, 2008
Posted on: November 5, 2008 1:28 pm

Who drives me nuts at the gym: FutureMan

I am inspired by the idea of future man. Perhaps one day I'll go on to become that guy.

I find it funny there are so many different personalities at the gym. I've actually started to look out for  interesting characters myself :)

"Leon, take your break at two."

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or