Blog Entry

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

Posted on: November 23, 2008 7:43 pm
Edited on: November 24, 2008 6:30 pm
I feel nauseous as I type this right now. Legitimately sick to the stomach.

I feel like I just got out of a Ludovico Technique session that involved watching the Jaret Leto-infected-arm in Requiem for a Dream on repeat for four hours.

I feel like I just polished off a handle of El Toro with all the lovely nausea and none of them sexy party-ness.

I feel like I got my beans caught above my frank.

Why you ask? At 3:58 PM Eastern Time Sunday I, this is too funny, really. I put in Derrick Ward for, you're just going to die laughing. So I subbed in Derrick Ward for, get this, the running back for the Atlanta Falcons, Michael Turner.

Now if you don't know who Turner is, let me refresh your memory. He plays for the Falcons, which I already told you 20 or so words ago. But he's also been my sort of muse this season. I bet with a buddy of mine in early September that Turner would outperform L.T. this season. I also drafted Turner on most of my Fantasy teams. I've talked him up to anybody with a pulse and an inkling of interest in Fantasy football, regular football, me playing Fantasy football, the Falcons, the city of Atlanta, the city of San Diego, people named Michael, people named Turner, Northern Illinois alums, people in the MAC, people nicknamed Burner, my parents and just about anybody that comes within a 3-foot radius of my work desk.

So benching Turner wasn't easy. But I'm in a PPR league and I figured Turner would be good for 85 yards and a score vs. the Panthers. I kinda, and this is what's just hilarious, thought Ward was good for a Mewelde Moore-like 160 combined yards and two scores. Oh, how bright my prospects looked at 4 PM ET.

For those who don't follow the NFL, or were out doing something less stressful -- like fishing for Opilios on the Bering Strait -- than watching their Fantasy football team, Turner sort of, well, blew up.

This is the point of the story where I smash my hand against the keyboard a few times to express my happiness for the lad.

You see, this was one of those weeks (let's call it Week 11 for fun), this was one of those leagues (let's call it a big-money league for laughs) and this was the sort of situation (let's call it must-win for chuckles) where I needed to be whatever the Fantasy football equivalent of Bill Belichick is. It's probably Stu in accounting for all I know.

So I thought, "Derrick Ward can be THAT guy, the one where everybody goes, 'how did he know to put Derrick Ward in OVER Michael Turner?'"

Instead I'm THAT guy. The one who left a net of 20 points on his bench.

The story goes on to talk about how I eventually lost, fended off morbid thoughts and mustered enough energy to show up to work the next day. But in the meantime, I'd appreciate it if you remember me for the person who thought highly enough of Michael Turner to bet a bottle of scotch on him outperforming the best running back of the 21st century and not the schmuck who sat him down the week he erupted for four touchdowns.

The following event happened just as I finished writing the word "touchdowns:"

Hmm, a text message on my Blackberry. Who could it be from? Ah, it's ESPN. It appears to be Fantasy football related. Let's click on it to find out more information.

"Falcons RB Michael Turner rushed for 4 TDs; finished with 117 yards on 24 carries in win over Panthers. Watch Matt Berry on FFNow, Sun 12 PM ET" Anybody got a copy of Requiem for me?
Michael Turner vs. LT

                               100-yard games | Rushing yards | Total touchdowns
Michael Turner:
         5 100-yard games | 1088 yards | 13 touchdowns
LaDainian Tomlinson: 2 100-yard games | 770 yards | 6 touchdowns

Esquire Toledo texted me last night:

"I'll be in Fort Myers in three weeks so drive across Alligator Alley and get your stinkin' scotch"


I consider that a concession speech.
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Why is USC ranked above Oregon State? Why is Ball State ranked so high? And how would Ole Miss fare with BYU's schedule. Just some of the headscratchers that have The Bong Zone ranting on college football.

Klick of the Day 

I can't get this song out of my head!


Since: Oct 13, 2008
Posted on: November 25, 2008 5:34 pm

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

Enjoy the Scotch.

Since: Nov 17, 2008
Posted on: November 25, 2008 2:11 pm

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

My league commish told me once early on in my fantasy football years to "Always start your studs". I have found that abiding by this rule has saved me much stress and anguish. Match-up predictions often turn out to be right on target, but when they are wrong and you bench one of your studs for an inferior player the pain can be immense. It is much easier on you brain to lose a game because you stuck with your star player. I understand what you were thinking, but you are correct that benching Turner for Ward was a mistake EVEN if it had turned out differently. That being said, don't beat yourself up. The fantasy football beast is often agonizing. Just ask my opponent this week who had to watch Green Bay's fullback get a rushing touchdown on his second goal line attempt on Monday night instead of Ryan Grant who had just run them down the field. This game can make you crazy.

Since: Oct 29, 2008
Posted on: November 25, 2008 10:54 am

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

They were only two hours behind...I started Jacobs too, luckily I had LT as my other back.....what a f_ckin waste of a pick.  He is the Ryan Leaf of fantasy football this year.

Since: Aug 26, 2008
Posted on: November 25, 2008 12:23 am

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

I feel your pain!!!
I had Matt Cassel on the bench the last two weeks.
Week 11 : Started Trent Edwards, who I cut after the week. ( he went off against K.C. in week 12)
Week 12 : Started Jeff Garcia against the Lions. Not bad, but not Cassel's #'s either.
All of this because I drafted durable Tom Brady, with no real back-up QB!
SO, YEA, I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since: Aug 26, 2008
Posted on: November 24, 2008 9:35 pm

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

Dude, we have all done that. i hate to say this, but I played him, and picked up and played Hillis this week too. Big win. But Derrick Ward,  c'mon.

Since: Nov 24, 2008
Posted on: November 24, 2008 6:50 pm

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

Hey I picked up Ward off the WW and was going to do the same thing once I found out Jacobs was not going to play. Luckly enough I was at my grand daughters birthday party and forgot. Luck me.

Since: Jun 30, 2008
Posted on: November 24, 2008 2:55 pm

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

Don't feel so bad, I kept T.O. on the bench for Roddy White.
What kind of league do YOU play in?

Since: Mar 22, 2008
Posted on: November 24, 2008 1:44 pm


Solid It's Always Sunny shoutout.

One of the best shows on TV...

Since: Nov 27, 2006
Posted on: November 24, 2008 1:03 pm
This comment has been removed.

Post Deleted by Administrator

Since: Nov 24, 2008
Posted on: November 24, 2008 1:01 pm

I made a horrible Fantasy football mistake

Don't feel so bad, I kept T.O. on the bench for Roddy White.

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