"I'm sorry, how much money did you just say Starbury makes to sit in the crowd?" Yes, the answer to that question is beyond human reasoning, but the most over-paid man in the world is not the only concept that leaves me scratching my head on a regular basis. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not going to be setting any records on an IQ test, but there are certain things that leave me more confused than Danger Barch from Million Dollar Baby. You know, the guy who said, "How'd you get all the ice in [the water bottle] through this little tiny hole." In an ongoing series, I will share these concepts in an attempt to receive any reasonable explanations. Why do the Cleveland Browns have orange helmets? This concept that has left be befuddled for the longest time, dating back to when I was just learning the game of football. Was there a mistake in the original order for the team's uniforms, did they change their mind and realize that brown would just make a horrible color for a helmet or is the franchise just hoping its opponent assumes they are playing a color-blind team? Why don't we just make the Red Sox purple and the White Sox...actually, they're already black!
Why are the Pittsburgh Steelers the only team in the NFL that has a logo on one side of their helmet? This is a multi million dollar franchise and one of the most successful in the history of the NFL, but the left side of a Steelers helmet is a dark black nothing. Did they not get the memo about placing the team's logo on both sides of the helmet? I mean even the Cincinnati Bengals were capable of getting this concept correct. Maybe this explains why the Steelers haven't had cheerleaders since 1970. Can you really expect a franchise to organize a group of beautiful women to help entertain its customers if it can't get theuniform correct? Then again, the Steelers put together a winning program every season and have some of the most loyal fans in all of sports, so maybe they are on to something.
How did Waldo keep getting lost? Everyone remembers the "Where's Waldo" books our parents bought to keep us entertained. I was guilty of owning every book published, but what I don't understand is why he continued to get himself in these situations. He was obviously more well-traveled than any one person could dream of being as he visited famous places around the world, showed up at historic events and even found himself in fairy-tale settings. Plus, he really wasn't all that difficult to find, even at the age of nine when we all had the attention span of John Daly in a bar. Maybe if he found a smarter dog to travel with and a bag to carry all his precious scrolls in, he wouldn't need the help of young children bail him out. Come to think of it, I probably shouldn't be complaining since "Where's Waldo" prevented me from having to read actual books.
Why do baseball coaches wear the team's uniform? I understand that baseball is America's pastime, but it's the only sport I can think of where the coaches still practice this fashion faux pas. Basketball and hockey coaches wear full suits and while some football coaches have started the suit trend, most just wear slacks and a collared shirt. To make it even worse, baseball coaches seem to be more out of shape than any other coaches and baseball uniforms tend to be a bit revealing. I can't think of too many people that want to watch a 65-year-old, overweight man in tights walk out to the pitcher's mound. If the sport can finally add instant replay, it can encourage the coaches to entertain a more fan-friendly wardrobe.
Why is Alabama known as the Crimson Tide and why is its mascot an elephant? I have always been turned off by sports teams that don't end in the letter "s," like Stanford Cardinal, Syracuse Orange (alteast they're actually orange), Marshall Thundering Herd and N.C. State Wolfpack, but Alabama bothers me the most. They are one of the most storied programs in college football with arguably the most famous coach ever to live, but nobody really knows what they are. Does the crimson tide refer to a particular type of algal bloom, the 1995 American thriller or the cocktail consisting of vodka and cranberry juice. This leaves us with the theory that Alabama has such an ambiguous and far from intimidating team name that is was forced to pick a mascot with absolutely no relevance.
What was Alex Rodriguez thinking when he left his wife for Madonna? First, let's mention that Alex Rodriquez's ex-wife and the mother of his two young daughters is HOT! He also knows that he is the most scrutanized athlete in all of sports and the press would find a way to turn him into a horrible person, even if he announced his plans to become a priest...ok, that was a bad example. Anyway, even if you have no problem with leaving your wife and daughters (who knows what kind of relationship they had), why would you choose Madonna. I understand that she's an historical and musical icon that every man has fantasized about at one point in his life, but she's 17 years older than him. Even though A-Rod couldn't record a clutch hit in a playoff tee-ball game, he still makes more money than the average person dreams about and could probably land any beautiful woman that the average male does dream about.
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