Blog Entry

Do Their Parents Hate Them?

Posted on: May 20, 2009 1:14 pm
Edited on: May 20, 2009 1:18 pm
Last week I broke down the 10 best names currently in baseball and this week I promised to do the same for the 10 worst. Over the years, there have been some names in baseball that I am not even sure I can type for this blog, so I am going to keep myself out of trouble; however, I am sure you know what they are. If you don't, a quick Google search will fill you in on the topic.

Now, I understand that some people may find these names quite entertaining and feel they deserve to find a place in the best baseball names, but some of these are just cruel, especially for a young kid growing up. A few are pertaining to the names chosen by the ball players' parents, yet the majority address the last name acquired at birth, which makes you wonder...where do such terrible last names come from? Good names or bad names, these players find a way to entertain us when our team is getting crushed and we still have 15 beers to kill in the third inning.

10. Gabe Gross (RF for Tampy Bay Rays) - There really isn't much indepth analysis needed for Gabe. His last name is Gross! Once you learn what the word gross means as a child and then your realize..."Oh man, that is my last name,"... you have to need a serious sit down with your parents or a counseling session. I mean someone could tell Gabe that he is Gross and not be insulting him...or would they be insulting him without being at risk of getting in trouble. See how confusing this is!
9. Nomar Garciaparra (1B Oakland Athletics) - A lot of fathers give their child the same name as themselves so that is nothing to be ashamed of; however, Nomar's dad, Ramon thought he would do something a little different. Yes, you caught on to that. Nomar is Ramon backwards. "Son, it has been a longstanding tradition in this family to pass down the name Ramon, but you were not worthy of the name so I gave you my name...backwards." Thanks Dad!
8. Scott Proctor (RP Florida Marlins) - OK, I know there isn't anything wrong with this name at first glance, but the word proctor just doesn't sound appelaing to be. It's like a mix between colon, rectal and doctor with a "p" thrown into the mix. Yes I know I have problems, which I am currently seeking help for, but everytime I hear Scott Proctor's name, I think of that certain procedure that my doctor will start performin on me when I turn 40.
7. Joba Chamberlain (SP New York Yankees) - OK, well I am not exactly sure if Joba is his given name or one that he acquired but c'mon people. I know you are thinking, what's wrong with having a name from Star Wars? Well, nothing if your name is Luke, but when you are named after Jabba the Hut, a half ton blob from, from one of the most famous movies ever...and you are already a heavy set person to begin with, the combination is not appealing. I can only imagine the torment Joba received as a child...oh wait he still does.
6. David Riske (RP Milwaukee Brewers) - I am not 100 percent sure about the pronunciation of David's last name, but it sounds like Risky to me. Now I don't know about you, but as a manager, I wouldn't feel very good about sending a guy into a tied ball game with the bases loaded when his name is Risky. Not to mention, what woman wants to marry or let alone, go on a date with a man named Risky?
5. Chris Getz (2B Chicago White Sox) - Chris Getz what? His name is an incomplete sentence? Now even though I can't spell to save my life, I happen to be a grammar freak, and it drives me crazy when something doesn't read properly, like...incomplete sentences. It's like going on a date, getting a nice long kiss at the girl's front door and then not getting invited inside. Yes that's right, Chris Getz nothing!
4. Jimmy Gobble (SP Chicago White Sox) - The poor boy's last name is not only the definition of the terrible sound a bird makes that we happen to eat on Thanksgiving, but the word is also synonymous with a certain action females tend to perform on males. So when you hear Jimmy Gobble, do you think Thanksgiving feast or just late night...oh man I'm just not going to go there!
3. Dan Uggla (2B Florida Marlins) - What was the most frequent insult you heard growing up as a child? That's right! "Oh ya, well you're ugly and your mom is too!" Well, in Dan's case they weren't far off from the truth. Now I'm not saying that Dan and his mother are ugly, but they are indeed Uggla. There is no way Dan didn't run home crying from elementary school at least three times a week.
2. Justin Duchscherer (SP Oakland Athletics) - Man I don't even know where to begin with Justin. I'm not even quite sure I can type his name again or attempt to pronounce it properly without violating the CBSSports Terms of Service. In case you have no idea what I am talking about, Justin's last name is an adjective describing a female action which is not very flattering. Thankfully for him, not many kids knew what that word meant growing up...but every drunk guy in the opposing team's stadium does.
1. J.J. Putz (RP New York Mets) - I know J.J.'s last name is pronounced Poots, but we all know that nobody actually calls him that. Every fan prounounces his name the way it is spelled...Putz. In case you are unaware of the meaning behind the word putz, it is a yiddish word that means, a foolish man or obnoxious man. So yes, J.J.'s last name is actually fool. The announcer for the New York Mets calls J.J. a fool everytime he runs to the mound from the dugout. It's a good think he is a good pitcher!

Category: MLB

Since: Sep 14, 2007
Posted on: June 21, 2009 7:50 pm

Do Their Parents Hate Them?


I can't believe I missed that one! That is atleast a No. 2 if not a No. 1 on this list. Thanks for the head's up as I will definitely keep him in mind for future blogs. And yes, anyone with a name resembling Billy Buckner is a terrible baseball name. Obviously his parents were not baseball fans.


Since: Sep 14, 2007
Posted on: June 21, 2009 7:47 pm

Do Their Parents Hate Them?


Thanks, I definitely forgot about Kosuke. That's a good one. And I knew about the reds pitching coach, but I didn't include him since he is no longer playing. Thanks for taking the time to read my blog.


Since: Jun 3, 2009
Posted on: June 3, 2009 9:24 pm

Do Their Parents Hate Them?

How about Antonio Bastardo of the Phillies? I know he couldn't really help it, what with not having his dad around!Money mouth

Also honorable mention: Billy Buckner of the D'Backs.

Since: Dec 24, 2008
Posted on: May 20, 2009 5:23 pm

Do Their Parents Hate Them?

Oh yeah!  Dick Pole!  The reds pitching coach

Since: Dec 24, 2008
Posted on: May 20, 2009 5:19 pm

Do Their Parents Hate Them?


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