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Blog Entry

When is the last time YOU ---

Posted on: January 31, 2008 5:19 pm
 
Destroyed a public toilet?

I'll start, I just posted this on another thread and figured it would be a good blog!

About two weeks ago I had just recovered (I thought) from a stomach ailment, I woke up feeling great, hungry as heck went out to breakfast with some buddies, instead of the usual, I had biscuits and gravy, side of eggs, half stack of belgian waffles and just to re-grease the equipment, slammed a couple five pieces of bacon and three or seven sausage links down the old food flume. Well usually i just drink a 50/50 mix of O.j. and Cranberry juice. When we gave the order my buddy asks if I am on a diet, and I say "no, just getting over the flu a bit and thought I would take it easy for the morning. He pipes up with "Dude, you need to drink this herbal south american citrus tea that they serve here, you'll feel tons better and it will clean all of that crap out of your system." I figure what the heck, I order the tea, the waitress brings it just as the food gets there, and after I had polished off the 50/50 cranoj.

The stuff was citrusy not in really a good way, more of a grapefruit, melon, horseradish sort of way. After emptying the sugar packets from ours and the surrounding tables, to get rid of the melon taste, I managed to choke the stuff down. The rest of breakfast was pretty calm, nothing real interesting, but to make a short story long. I part company with the lads and head off to get some stuff done. I get about three blocks away from the restaurant and Charlie Brown's School Teacher starts screaming at me. (WHAAAWHAAAWHAAMMPPH) My Stomach and lower g.i. tract cramp up like I'd been shot, my butt checks pucker shut and every fiber of my being is now focused on nothing other than getting to a John and quick. As luck would have it I was coming up on the local Chevron, I cut across three lanes of traffic, almost took out an octogenarian toting an oxygen tank while chain smoking, (she gave me the bird) ran over the curb, skidded to a stop and left the truck running and ran as fast as an overweight middle aged penguin can run, I come around the corner fling open the door to the can, grab the stall door and tear it off it's hinges while entering, I knock the little kid out of the way, (he was just buttoning up his pants) I yell RUN, RUN for your life! He Ran, the little miscreant didn't even wash his hands. I manage to get situated just in the nick of time, then a series of explosions that I could only describe as carpet bombing went off! I had no idea i had that in me! Well the volcano simmered down and it was time for a courtesy flush and guess what, The little miscreant had clogged the toilet! So I rush to the garbage can, dead bolt the door and start the cleanup third world style, meanwhile the toxic waste is flowing everywhere and has now clogged the floor drain, so it's gettin ugly fast, i do a haphazard cleaning job, jump over the puddle to wash my hands. Step out of the bathroom and make a mad dash for the truck. I don't think I can every show my face in that place again!

Category: General
Comments

Since: Sep 10, 2007
Posted on: January 31, 2008 8:11 pm
 

When is the last time YOU ---

Yup!




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: January 31, 2008 8:07 pm
 

When is the last time YOU ---

And just so you don't get into a frackus like we did - keep the candles away from the chalupas, they are highly flammable.

 

 


 

Especially once digested, right?  LOL, you're a nut.




Since: Sep 10, 2007
Posted on: January 31, 2008 8:01 pm
 

When is the last time YOU ---

Mom,

Nothing beats a good yak story! Thanks for sharing. Speaking of Barfing i will post another blog soon about my first day as a missionary for my church in Argentina, it is the barf story to end all barf stories!

By the way we take our own Candles and Tablecloth when we go out to Taco Bell. There stored in the romance kit right next to jack and lug wrench in the trunk of the Yugo.

And just so you don't get into a frackus like we did - keep the candles away from the chalupas, they are highly flammable.




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: January 31, 2008 7:46 pm
 

When is the last time YOU ---

LOL noflbl4me, great sense of humor.  The paper napkins and the packaged hot sauce really adds to the ambience of the restaurant, doesn't it.

Ummm, something embarrassing?  Hmmm, well they had to break my water, so that won't do.  Oh, I have it.  When I was about 20, I had been drinking (it was legal to drink on base at that age at the time), right before I went on a date to Worlds of Fun in Kansas City.  My date convinced me to ride a loop da loop coaster, when they first started having them in the park.  Despite my fear, I went on it.  When the ride was over, I made a great impression on my date by barfing all over his shoe.

My husband quit asking me to ride the newer coasters when I relayed how I lost my lunch way back when,.




Since: Sep 10, 2007
Posted on: January 31, 2008 7:33 pm
 

When is the last time YOU ---

Take it to go?

Are you kidding me Mom, I took it and it WENT!!!

Now you share something embarrassing like your water breaking or something like that, My wife's broke in the middle of a classy restaurant when she was 8 months along. The Taco Bell folks weren't real happy.




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: January 31, 2008 7:19 pm
 

When is the last time YOU ---

Okay, I hate to say this...this is funny.

Moral of the story, when they say drink something that will clean out your system...,take it to go.



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