I'll start, I just posted this on another thread and figured it would be a good blog!
About two weeks ago I had just recovered (I thought) from a stomach ailment, I woke up feeling great, hungry as heck went out to breakfast with some buddies, instead of the usual, I had biscuits and gravy, side of eggs, half stack of belgian waffles and just to re-grease the equipment, slammed a couple five pieces of bacon and three or seven sausage links down the old food flume. Well usually i just drink a 50/50 mix of O.j. and Cranberry juice. When we gave the order my buddy asks if I am on a diet, and I say "no, just getting over the flu a bit and thought I would take it easy for the morning. He pipes up with "Dude, you need to drink this herbal south american citrus tea that they serve here, you'll feel tons better and it will clean all of that crap out of your system." I figure what the heck, I order the tea, the waitress brings it just as the food gets there, and after I had polished off the 50/50 cranoj.
The stuff was citrusy not in really a good way, more of a grapefruit, melon, horseradish sort of way. After emptying the sugar packets from ours and the surrounding tables, to get rid of the melon taste, I managed to choke the stuff down. The rest of breakfast was pretty calm, nothing real interesting, but to make a short story long. I part company with the lads and head off to get some stuff done. I get about three blocks away from the restaurant and Charlie Brown's School Teacher starts screaming at me. (WHAAAWHAAAWHAAMMPPH) My Stomach and lower g.i. tract cramp up like I'd been shot, my butt checks pucker shut and every fiber of my being is now focused on nothing other than getting to a John and quick. As luck would have it I was coming up on the local Chevron, I cut across three lanes of traffic, almost took out an octogenarian toting an oxygen tank while chain smoking, (she gave me the bird) ran over the curb, skidded to a stop and left the truck running and ran as fast as an overweight middle aged penguin can run, I come around the corner fling open the door to the can, grab the stall door and tear it off it's hinges while entering, I knock the little kid out of the way, (he was just buttoning up his pants) I yell RUN, RUN for your life! He Ran, the little miscreant didn't even wash his hands. I manage to get situated just in the nick of time, then a series of explosions that I could only describe as carpet bombing went off! I had no idea i had that in me! Well the volcano simmered down and it was time for a courtesy flush and guess what, The little miscreant had clogged the toilet! So I rush to the garbage can, dead bolt the door and start the cleanup third world style, meanwhile the toxic waste is flowing everywhere and has now clogged the floor drain, so it's gettin ugly fast, i do a haphazard cleaning job, jump over the puddle to wash my hands. Step out of the bathroom and make a mad dash for the truck. I don't think I can every show my face in that place again!