Blog Entry

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Posted on: October 9, 2009 12:35 am
Edited on: October 9, 2009 12:37 am

premature articulations:

Greetings, sports fans!  Warpy is trying hard not to turn this into the Official Kim "The Swedish Turnstile" Johnsson Haters blog, but it's getting harder and harder to do with every passing goal against.  #5 singlehandedly cost the Wild at least one point in the standings with his pathetic excuse for defense in Minnesota's regular season opener against the Columbus Blue Jackets, and his refusal to touch anybody in front of the net cost the Wild another goal in Tuesday's tilt against the Dirty Ducks of Anaheim.

As if that's not enough, The Master Of Hands-Free Defense has already doubled his GAA output in the first period alone in tonight's game against the Los Angeles Kings.  Needless to say, Johnsson has already cemented the Bottom Quark award tonight, so we might as well proceed directly to the Warpy Psychlotron.

dangling sub-atomic participles:

Top Quark(s):  A delayed Top Quark is in order for Martin Havlat after a fine performance in Tuesday's tilt against the Ducks.  Warped minds were too preoccupied with the Twins/Tigers classic to do more than watch the Wild game in fast-forward mode, but that was a heckuva Dome-mojo inspired comeback, eh?  Havlat looks like he's well on the way to another Top Quark in tonight's game, which is now just past the halfway point (with Johnsson The Dildaphonic One chipping in yet another helper for the Kings -- warped minds are surprised that se7en's hat didn't fly on the Staples Center ice to salute Kimmer's efforts:).

Up Quark(s):  Nick Schultz gets an Up Quark for just potting a PPG to cut the Kings' lead down to 4-2 (and he damn near just got another one a minute later).  Aside from his increased participation in the Wild offense, Schultz has been doing his usual unspectacular but utterly reliable work on the defensive end of the ice.

Down Quark(s):  Johnsson is playing so brutally that a Bottom Quark simply doesn't do justice to the debacle that Wild fans are being forced to witness this year -- Kimmer bags the daily double for quarks on the wrong side of the psyhclotron.

Bottom Quark(s):  In order to reduce the amount of typing I'll need to do on future blog entires, I hereby award Kim Johnsson (a.k.a. "I don't wanna touch another guy because then people might think I'm gay") the Bottom Quark on a premanent basis, and will just fill in the necessary details on the next line after each game.

Yep, the Five Million Dollar Salary Cap Boat Anchor strikes again.  Johnsson wasted no time going to his patented Swedish Pansy style of defense, assisting on the first Kings goal before the game was even two minutes old -- his lame excuse of a clearing pass went right on the tape of the Kings' point man, but Kimmer wasn't done yet -- he then proceeded to set up camp in front of the Wild net and do nothing to discourage Kings players from setting up a screen in front of Josh Harding.

The second Kings goal -- minutes later -- was basically a carbon copy of the first, minus the helpful pass.  Opposing scouts have an easy job: just tell players to get in front of the net any time #5 is out there, and watch the scoreboard light up like a Christmas tree.

The Master Of The Screen really outdid himself on the fourth Kings goal, bumbling in front of the crease in classic Martin Skoula style and tangling up Josh Harding's skates at the worst possible time.  Johnsson even displayed a new move on this goal -- since there were no Kings players setting up a screen in front of the net, good old #5 decided to go out there and do it himself.  GWAAAAAGGGH!!  If Johnsson is going to camp in front of the net and screen goalies, it would behoove Todd Richards to move him to forward and at least get him to help the right team.

Strange Quark(s):  It's refreshing to see Wild forwards finally throwing pucks at the net and getting guys down low to sniff around for rebounds, deflections, and the occasional garbage goal.  At the rate Johnsson is going, we'll need all the goals we can get just to stay in the game.

Charmed Quark(s):  The Wild power play is officially on fire; warped minds wonder if Coach Richards read my last blog entry and felt insulted by the comparisons between the Wild offense under Jacques Lemaire and the current "up-tempo" style displayed against the Blue Jackets.  All I know is, the good guys are buzzing the net enough now to bring a joyful tear to my eye.

The Invisible Higgs Boson Award(s):  The Pittsburgh Penguins appear to have found the ideal way to use Martin Skoula on their roster... ha hah.

post-dramatic sin drones:

And in Kihnclusion:  Kim Johnsson is officially a disgrace to the sport of hockey.  There's not much more to say (tho #5 is apparently tired of setting screens for the Kings now, and just decided to take a break in the penalty box...)  It's too bad the ref didn't tack on a 10 minute misconduct to keep him off the ice longer, but the Wild are buzzing the net again, so the outcome of this game may not yet be decided.  GO WILD!!!!!

and now, a word from our spawn's heirs...

If my wife to be or not to be is watching, the spread formation isn't just for football anymore.  To the rest of you, thanx for tuning in, and remember: if it ain't broken, you're not trying hard enough.  quando omni flunkus moritati


Since: Aug 13, 2007
Posted on: October 11, 2009 5:03 pm

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Harding got pinned with a couple of losses last year where Backstrom got yanked after giving up 3 or 4 quickies, and Harding got credit for the loss after the Wild scored 3 or 4 goals themselves -- the fact that the Wild never got close to closing either deficit is lost on the NHL method of deciding the winning and losing goalies.  If they did it like the winning or losing baseball pitchers, Harding would've had fewer "losses" last year.

Josh did have a sub-standard game against the Kings, but I've seen worse.  His D did him absolutely no favors, and Johnsson in particular hung him out to dry on a regular basis.  I do see light at the end of the tunnel for the Wild with their increased shooting this year, but it's gonna take a few more preseason regular season games to get everyone gellin'.

Since: Jan 1, 2007
Posted on: October 11, 2009 11:01 am

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Josh Harding helping with the loss is a very valid point. Rarely does Harding let in a softie but he rarely makes the high light save either. I think he is an awesome backup but I am happy they spent the jing on Backstrom and kept him in that role.

My question is, do the rest of the Wild take the night off every time Harding plays? Without looking his stats up from last year he was about 5 games under .500. Harding is definately better than most NHL backups and I think he deserves the full effort of the rest of the team when he is in there.

Since: Feb 14, 2007
Posted on: October 10, 2009 6:46 pm

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Excellent work as always buddy! by the way, it's so funny that you made the comment about me saluting Kimmy Gibblers Johnsson's amazing plays for the Kings, I have some friends from Vancouver in town & I actually made the comment to them that I should toss a hat out! but sadly, I knew the gesture would be wasted on the non-exsistent Staples center crowd. (there was barely 8,000 at the game, the Dodgers & Angels appearently stole the fans from hockey that night...) I do have to throw in there, like others have mentioned, that Harding gave us a clinic on how not to play goalie that game. I know it wasn't all him, but he looked more like decoration then a goalie for a large chunk of the night. Hopefully that was just some early season jitters and we'll see our old beloved Harding next time he's between the pipes...

You've heard me complain about Johnsson's horrible contract for 2 seasons now so I won't bring out that old chestnut again, but It was nice to read the Star Trib article today that Richards will bench the players not doing there job's. That article explained why Havlat & Sykora were no shows on the ice for a large chunk of the Kings / Wild tilt. We had been wondering why they weren't playing much in the second.. Hopefully Richards threats & actions will limit Kimmy's ice time to a solid 4 minutes tonight...

I also hope Richards pep talk puts some fire under the boys skates tonight against the Sharks, sadly I couldn't bring myself to pick the Wild tonight, our previous games against Nabby & the Sharks have been wrought with disapointment, and after our play against the Kings, I have to say I just can't trust the Wild to perform yet.. Hopefully soon we'll look like a hockey team again..

Thanks again for the great read buddy! looking forward to the next installment!

ps- I'm glad I went with the North Stars jersey at the Kings game instead of the Wild, haha I actually got a lot of love for it that night, more then usual! and I know from the 2 Wild losses in LA last year that the inept Kings crowd gets pretty cocky after a win and it makes for a less then enjoyable walk out when you're wearing the jersey of the enemy in Kings territory. haha

Since: Aug 13, 2007
Posted on: October 10, 2009 2:31 pm

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

What kills me is that the 5 million salary is after figuring in the 25% cut that all players took after the lockout was ended.  Johnsson was actually pretty decent until that sucker punch; I like your idea of having Brad May knock him upside the head again to see if we can get the old Kimmer back.  Wasn't there an old Laurel and Hardy flick where Stan got hit in the head and turned into a "Professor Einstein needs a little help on some theory he's working on" genius?

If you think Johnsson's play on the 2 on 1 goal was bad (personally, I've seen much worse, so I didn't count that one on the Warpy Johnsson Meter) you must've gone postal watching his sorry excuse for defense on three of the first four Kings goals.  I damn near put my fist through the screen when he set a screen for the Kings all by himself right after knocking his own goalie off balance.  I'm warming up quickly to the warped idea of having #24 defend the crease area when he returns -- it's not like he's gonna be a high octane forward, so we might as well use his intimidation to keep guys away from Backstrom and Harding's territory.

Since: Oct 10, 2006
Posted on: October 9, 2009 4:37 pm

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Well well well. Same ol' garbage different day. Someone needs to sucker punch this guy again! If this loser wouldv'ee dropped to the ice to block a pass instead of barely bending his knees the Wild wouldn't have gotten that 5th goal I believe it was scored against them. I knew that when he scored his goal that he couldn't get through a game without being a cause of a couple. What I want to know is what in gods name did Dougie see in this waste of space to award him a 5 million dollar ransom??

Since: Aug 13, 2007
Posted on: October 9, 2009 11:12 am

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Yep, I've gotta agree that Harding looked less than spectacular, but he got virtually no help last night.  Two of the Kings goals were on perfectly executed 2 on 1 plays where Josh had no prayer.  One other goal, as you mentioned, went off Burns' skate, and Johnsson either set up dandy screens on the other three goals, or did nothing to prevent Kings players from doing so.  Harding did look weak on a couple of those Johnsson enabled goals, but it's hard to stop pucks that one can't see.

Niklas Backstrom and Josh Harding have both proven that they can rack up a Vezina-caliber saves percentage when they can see what's coming at 'em.  Stay tuned to Warpyland for a future blog entry, where warped minds solve two problems at once by moving Kim Johnsson to forward, and putting Boogey in charge of keeping opposing forwards away from our crease area.

One thing is perfectly clear: when Warpy complains about problems, Warpy also thinks up creative solutions. Laughing

Since: Sep 13, 2006
Posted on: October 9, 2009 10:21 am

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Kim Johnsson may have cost the Wild a few goals last night but Josh Harding had a lot to do with it, too. He looked downright awful, including a 2 mile-per-hour backhand shot that harmlessly slid between his legs like an awkward high school couple on prom night. Sure, the goal was scored, but man did it look awful and downright painful. Any game you save less than three-fourths of the shots on goal, you're going to have a problem. Even take away that goofy shot that went in off Brent Burns' skates and it's still 5 GA against 16 saves.

Credit the Wild for trying to come back in this one, almost erasing a second three-goal deficit in as many nights. I think we can still get five points out of this road trip, and it begins with putting Niklas Backstrom back in net.

Since: Aug 13, 2007
Posted on: October 9, 2009 12:56 am

Kim Johnsson Strikes Again..and again..and again

Johnsson scooooorrrres!!  Figures he'd pot one just after I posted the above entry.  Maybe if I hate on another Wild player fast, we'll have a tie game shortly.  Yo, Nolan!  Get off the rocking chair and skate for a change, will ya?!  ha hah

The official Warped Kim Johnsson Meter now stands at minus 3.

Game 1: Johnsson cost us a goal -- minus 1.
Game 2: Johnsson cost us a goal, but also made a nice play to set up the OT goal, so this game's a wash on the Warpy Meter -- still a net of minus 1 for the season.
Game 3: Johnsson has cost us three goals with his piss-poor play, but has potted one -- minus 2 so far tonight on the overall Johnsson Meter, for a season total of minus 3.

And in the time it took me to post this, the Kings bag two more to restore their three goal lead.  Johnsson was on the ice for goal 5 by the Kings, but I can't fault him on that score; there's only so much a guy can do in a 2 on 1 situation, and Johnsson actually played it pretty well, so the Warpy Meter remains at minus 3 for the season.

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