Blog Entry

Off the Deep End

Posted on: February 5, 2008 8:47 pm
Edited on: February 5, 2008 8:48 pm
 

My 91 year old grandmother, god bless her, suffers from a severe case of dementia.  Unfortunately, that and alzheimers is not uncommon on her side of the family.  It was a few years ago that my mother, who was caring for her, ended up having to put her in a home because she had gotten to the point where she was seeing children in the closet, taking her shoes.

It actually didn’t come as a surprise to me that these events were occurring and that my grandmother’s state of mind was slowly deteriorating.  So, when my mother called me to tell me about it, to resist her wrath, I refrained from asking “is she sure they’re children and not elves”?  It struck me then, that there was a good chance, that one day I too could suffer from this ailment.

Lately, my family has been noticing my short lapses in memory.  They’ve also started pointing out times, when I’m bored I start muttering to myself and in turn, start scheming.  So, for them, they know that bored Mom with faulty mental faculties is a very, scary thing.  Now when Mom gets bored, be very, very, very, afraid.

One thing that easily bores me is long car trips and anything over 15 minutes, is long for me.  Today, because the closest audiologist in our insurance network is an hour and a half away, I had to make a long, boring trip.  While going up there, I decided to let my mind wonder (don’t worry, I was still fully aware of the road) with possible scenarios.  Yep, I tend to play things in my head to get a feel for them.

One of the things that my mind wondered to was journalism.  A few times in my life, I had contemplated being a journalist, only to have reality snap back at me.  Today, I contemplated what it would be like to be a sports journalist and imagined how I would interview Tom Brady, Ben Roethlisberger, Eli Manning, Brady Quinn and Bill Belicheck.  Okay, it started out pretty innocent, but by the end, I even scared myself.  I’ll show you why.

Tom Brady Interview:

Me:  Mr. Brady, thank you for taking the time to chat with me.
Brady:  No problem Ma’am, it’s my pleasure
Me:  You must be very proud of the things that you’ve accomplished since becoming the starting quarterback for the Patriots.
Brady:  Yes.
Me:  Would you care to elaborate?
Brady:  No.

Okay, so the Tom Brady interview was a little dull, and instead of playing it out , I went onto the next one.

Ben Roethlisberger Interview:


Me:  Mr. Roethlisberger, thank you for taking the time to chat with me.
Ben:  Please call me Ben, after all, you are old enough to be my Mom and it just doesn’t sound right to be addressed as Mr.
Me:  Ummm, okay…Ben…so…
Ben:  Excuse me Mom, can I get you some tea, would you like me to drag your walker closer, can I get you some geritol?

Well, so much for my self-esteem on this one.  Maybe the one with Eli Manning would go better.

Eli Manning Interview:

Me:  Mr. Manning, thank you for taking the time to chat with me.
Eli:  Please call me Eli
Me:  Thank you Eli, wow what an incredible season you had.
Eli:  Yes, by the way, I like older women
Me:  Ummm…okay Eli, that’s…ummm…good to know, about your…
Eli: (In a whispered tone), you’re rather hot, you know

Okay, so I’m starting to get scared here, time to change to another interview.

Brady Quinn Interview:

Me:  Mr. Quinn, thank you for taking the time to chat with me.
Brady:  Please call me…snookems
Me:  Ummm…snookems?
Brady:  Can I call you…mommy?

Oh lord, I’m now almost to the point that I’m freaking, just a little, so I move on to the last interview.

Bill Belicheck Interview:

Me:  Mr. Belicheck, thank you for taking the time to chat with me.
Bill:  You can call me…..daddy

It was right after this one that I found myself in a cold sweat and had to pull over to the side of the road to calm the oncoming anxiety attack that I was about to have.  It was then that I realized that children stealing shoes in the closet may not be a bad thing, compared to the alternatives.   So if you don’t hear from me for the next 72 hours, check the nearest mental hospital, I’m sure they’ll have me locked up for my own good.

Note:  With all respect to the persons mentioned, please, please, please forgive me...

 

Category: NFL
Tags: Humor
 
Comments

Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: February 7, 2008 5:03 am
 

Off the Deep End

I'm right with you on the umbrella's...but mine began spiraling along time ago, when I left a $250.00 worth of camera and accessories in a cab in Kansas City, never to be seen again.




Since: Sep 13, 2006
Posted on: February 7, 2008 2:28 am
 

Off the Deep End

    No comment re adult entertainment.
    I forgot to mention that dimentia is rare under the age of sixty, but not out of the question.  I'm quite
certain this doesn't relate to you,  but it might well to me.  I categorically refuse to buy another
umbrella.  A goodly number of the people you see in parts of Chicago, lower Manhattan and downtown
SF are carrying their rainwear courtesy of yours truly. 



Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: February 6, 2008 3:41 pm
 

Off the Deep End

Well JSB, I'm not going to go into whether or not I look good in spikes.  As far as the men being pretty rude, I know most men aren't rude, and I kind of contribute this thought process to a possibility that I fell asleep with the tv on and ended up either waking up during or right after the "Drawn Together" (adult) cartoon on Comedy Central.  Either that, or my husband must have covertly turned to the adult movie channel.



Since: Sep 13, 2006
Posted on: February 6, 2008 3:21 pm
 

Off the Deep End

    Hysterical!
    Mum, you probably look great in spikes.
    I did notice that all of the men you interviewed, other than Brady, were pretty rude.  We're not all rude (at least, not
all the time).



Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: February 6, 2008 11:43 am
 

Off the Deep End

Well...ummm...no, I don't think that was it Neal...lol. 



Since: Jan 12, 2007
Posted on: February 6, 2008 11:42 am
 

Off the Deep End

Personally I would hold off on the Tomlin interview until the team has actually done something...that is why your Belichick move was so smart  ...... well smart for a woman 



Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: February 6, 2008 11:34 am
 

Off the Deep End

Also, now common, which coach do you think works better with....call me Daddy?  BB or Mike Tomlin.  Tomlin is younger then me, so I just don't think that would have worked well in that intrview.




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: February 6, 2008 11:32 am
 

Off the Deep End

A chink in my armour?  Oh there's several chinks in my armour, but not because I've "interviewed" two Patriots players....lol.  Not sure why I'm at a crucial stage in my life yet...heck, I'm not even 50.  But to answer questions.

Cookies and Cheesecake or  Wheat bread and reduced fat butter substitute - A little of both.  Cookies and cheesecake are great every once in a while but it's good to be smart and take care of your health too.

Nylons or warm woolly socks! - depends.  Stockings when I'm dressed up, cozy slippers when I'm in the house.

Internet Diva or housewife. - Ummm, I have a job, so I'm not exactly a housewife.  Internet diva...oh no way....besides, I'm too honest to ever fit into that category and I'd get caught sending the pic of Pamela  Lee over as my own.

Summer dresses or comfy sport sets. - Summer dresses

High heels or sensible sandals - sensible sandles

Night club or country pub - depends on my mood.  I love to dance, but I also enjoy quiet evenings in a pub.

Beastie Boys or Perry Como - Ummm, neither...one's before my time, one's after my time...how about ... Billy Joel

Steelers or Patriots...stop sitting on the fence! -

STEELERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Since: Jan 12, 2007
Posted on: February 6, 2008 11:17 am
 

Off the Deep End

It was so impressive to me that you choose to "Interview" two Patriots..thats shows me there may yet be a chink in that Steeler Armor!

Mom, you have reached a crucial stage in your life and its time to make choices:

Cookies and Cheesecake or  Wheat bread and reduced fat butter substitute

Nylons or warm woolly socks!

Internet Diva or housewife.

Summer dresses or comfy sport sets.

High heels or sensible sandals

Night club or country pub

Beastie Boys or Perry Como

Steelers or Patriots...stop sitting on the fence!

...and MOM, dementure is all in the mind it is a disease whereby we all think we are normal when in actuality we are already suffering delusions of one sort or another.

Life is an illusion....live the illusion!

 




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: February 6, 2008 10:17 am
 

Off the Deep End

Clovdyx,

Well, I originally thought Aaron Rodgers, but......



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