Why is it that most of the time you sit and plan things and it never works out the way you think it would? I don't know, it always seems to happen to me, that when I plan something, it doesn't go exactly the way I plan it, or even close.
Let me digress a bit. It seems like a long time ago, I had pulled a muscle in my back that had put me into the hospital. It wasn't a good experience. Not only was I in pain every time the muscle spasmed, but they were talking about putting me in traction. Needless to say, with the possibility of having no mobility and being forced to use a bed pan, along with the pain, I was a mess. That night, I laid in the dark, in a hospital bed crying. I had no family around, I was in pain and god only knew if the next day I was going to be hooked up to a contraption that was going to bring out an unknown claustraphobia.
It was then that I fell in love with a male nurse that had been working the floor that night. Okay, maybe not love. After giving me my pain pill and spending some time trying to get me calmed down, I found that he had the nicest hands. No, it wasn't anything out of a deviant sexual fantasy. When I told him about the back spasm, he rolled me on my side and began to gently massage the spasm out. God, I was in heaven. For the first time in 24 hours, I wasn't in constant pain.
The next morning, when I went down for physical therapy, when asked if anything helped, I told the therapist about the back rub. I guess I should have explained that the way the nurse worked it out was gently to rub and sooth the muscles by running his hands in opposite directions. So instead of getting a nice soothing back massage, the therapist began kneeding my back like it was a lump of bread dough. I ended up telling him never to touch me again.
Often times, we take touch for granted. Depending on the way we're touched or the way we touch another person, it can be soothing, therapeutic, healing, calming, or it can be sensual and sexual, or it can be downright painful. I may not be a follower in holistic medicine, nor do I subscribe to touch therapy or even believe completely that Reiki is the cure all. However, being a person who loves to touch and to be touched, being a mother who has seen the effects of her touch on her child and being a wife (and yes, lover), I know the benefits and the downsides of a touch.
When my daughter was a baby, I found the best way to calm and sooth her was to rub her back and her legs. She was never a colicy or cranky baby but always seemed happy. But there were times, when she wasn't feeling well or just had her moments, that all I had to do was lay with her on my stomach and rub her back and she'd fall asleep. Of course, there were the teething episodes that I'd resort to oral jel or the ear infections and chest congestions where a doctor's care was necessary. Yet even then, the touch helped her.
I'll admit it, for me, touches can produce a variety of responses. Alot would have to do with my moods. Touch me the wrong way and I'm likely to try to knock your head off or want to crawl out of my skin just to get away. Even if the touch isn't malicious, just that I was in the "don't touch me mood". There are times that my husband teases me because when I'm sick, I become five again and just want to be touched and cuddled and held. As an adult, I have to fight the urge of crying out "I want my mommy", many, many, many times. And then there are other times, I won't go into detail over but I think you get the idea.
When my husband hurt his back, I had to learn the proper way of giving a massage. Thanks to a friend who's a massage therapist, and a good book on various massages, I think I've become quite adept at giving them. Even lately, I've had to be more aware of my touch and the effect that it has on him, not sensually, but as a calming effect. Many know that my husband suffers from chronic depression. Add to that the mind numbing headaches that his medication sometimes gives him, sometimes the only thing that keeps him from driving his head threw a wall is the caressing of his neck, head and forehead, to help keep him calm until the sleeping pill kicks in.
Okay, so now I'm back to the point where I started at. The past week, though the depression hadn't been bad, nor have the headaches, he had been having alot of nightmares and because of that, had been getting very little sleep. So today, I had made plans to help him relax and possibly try to alleviate the dreams by putting him in a peaceful, restful mood. So just my luck, he sleeps for fourteen hours and is in his better moods where it would take an act of Congress and a miracle from God to allow me to pamper him. Stubborn old goat, at least some of it worked out.