Blog Entry

Whose Problem Is It?

Posted on: March 21, 2008 12:03 pm
 

It is rumored that there is a law still on the books in Newberry County SC, that a man can take his wife to the court house steps in Newberry , on a Sunday and beat her publically with a stick.  This law, at one time did exist.  Given the states increased crack down on domestic violence and tougher criminal domestic violence (CDV) laws, I doubt it’s still in effect. 

We have evolved as a society that once encouraged the husbands to beat their wives to keep them in line, to ignoring the issue and it just being a dirty little secret, to it being an act that should not be condoned.  Although we have made great strides to educate, prevent and rehabilitate, domestic abuse is still a major issue faced in this country.   In 2007, the National Domestic Violence Hotline released their Decade For Change Report in which they’ve estimated 33 million American women have experienced abuse.

The report also goes on to site that:

One in four women have been physically assaulted or raped by a partner vs One in fourteen of men having experienced the same.

Women are 7 to 14 times more likely to report being assaulted, choked, threatened with a gun or knife, or had their partner attempt to drown them.

The Justice Department had determined that 30% of female victims were killed by an intimate partner, compared to 3% of male victims.

That same sex couples were not immuned from being victims of abuse. 

With the numbers in this finding, it is not surprising that since, professional sports is a slice of American society, that the various leagues and franchises in all sports, would be faced with players who have either abused or been abused by their partners.  The recent release of Cedric Wilson from the Pittsburgh Steelers and the report of James Harrison’s assault on his girlfriend, once again shows that, despite education programs provided, makes no team, no sports franchise or figure immune to what is a major problem in society. 

Indeed, abuse and violence by major sports and entertainment figures tend to glaringly point out an issue that often times is under reported. From the most extreme violence, as in the tragedy with WWE’s Chris Benoit’s double murder, suicide and the Carolina Panther’s Ray Carruth, conspiracy to murder charge, to the custody situation with Najeh Davenport, to Darryl Strawberry’s abuse charges, to improperly accused charges against Randy Moss

Incidents like Strawberry’s and Warren Moon’s assault on his wife, has led the MBL, NFL, NBA and NHL to institute programs and policies to address spousal abuse and violence.  These programs are no different then what employers like the military and various large police departments have in place.  However, the police departments are the only employers that I’m personally aware of that actually fire an officer if arrested on a CDV charge.  Others provide intervention.  Most employers tend to release abusers only if their productivity is effected or if it’s outlined in a morality clause in their contract.  Given this, how far should we expect the major sports franchises to go in reprimanding their players for the same things that most of us would get a pass on?

At the time of the release of Wilson, the Steelers organization came out and stated that they have been taking the incidents on a case by case basis.  Often times in the NFL, a player rightfully accused of abuse has faced with some sort of suspension, whether it’s one game or eight.  In two incidents over the past year, only the Steelers and Rams released a player due to a second incident.  The Decade for Change points out that the situation in abuse is complex, especially since no group is immune from it. 

Does releasing a player solve the issue?  Probably not, nor will it prevent it, according to the study.  In fact, the Domestic Violence Service and Community Partnership Panel suggests we should avoid a simple solution to a complex problem.  Just releasing a player wouldn’t change the tide of abuse.  Can it send a message to other players, possibly, but it can also send a message to the victim not to report abuse because their spouse or partner may lose his livelihood, adding another issue onto an potentially volatile situation.

Perhaps all employers, not just major sports organizations need to join the fight against domestic violence to be able to reach out, not only to the abusers, but also potential abusers and their victims and provide resources, either through health insurance programs or access to community based programs.  Until we ask all employers to be accountable for their employees actions, how can we ask anything different from the the NFL, MLB, NHL and NBA?

Comments

Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: March 30, 2008 7:04 am
 

Whose Problem Is It?

JSB,

As far as your testing, I can tell that the 2nd meets most of the criteria (though I can't tell you if the answer is correct...lol).  The 1st looks like it meets the criteria also. 

As far as the rare abuser, would it be more likely that they just fit the same circumstances that the "occassional" abuser does.  Where it's not so much an issue of control, but an issue of unchecked anger and/or rage?  Where their emotions have gone out of control and once the action occurs, are appalled that they did that, even moreso because they were abused themselves and swore that they would never do that to their wives or children?




Since: Sep 13, 2006
Posted on: March 27, 2008 3:07 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

    The more interesting of the two separable (?) situations is that of the 'rare' abuser.  As you note, chronic abusers
were more often  than not themselves abused as children -- the way out of this cycle is unclear, although I know
for a fact that being abused as a child does not guarantee that you will yourself become abusive.
    The rare abuser is the man (usually, always ?) who finds it in himself to batter his partner (usually), even
when he himself may earlier have been appalled at such behavior in others.  Why men come to this as a
legitimate option is unknown, but it is there.

    end bug test :

       In discussing the climate of this, or any  planet, the two critical elements are the local star, and  the planet's own
    magnetic field.  The magnetic field is composed of teh[SIC] toroidal and the poloidal segments.   Of these, while the
    toroidal accounts for circa 90% of the over-all field, the poloidal segment offers two immediately attractive
    factors, namely, because it is accessible it is susceptible of measurement;  because it is tenuous, it is more
    likely to incur considerable change at any moment in time.   Using the well-known descriptions of Faraday
    and Ohm for description of the overall field's construction. Neglecting for now the displacement currents,
    the induction equation can easily be described by

      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;    |      
;         1     &nbs
p;                       |       .
      
;     &nbs
p; curl  |  ______________ curl B | = - B
          
;     &nbs
p;      |         u  sig  (r)      
;                |
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;                0     M

      
;     &nbs
p; where u   is the permeability of vacuum, and  sig  (r) is the electrical conductivity of the
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;     &n
bsp;    0     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;     &n
bsp;     &
nbsp;     
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;     &n
bsp;     &
nbsp;     
      M
      
;     &nbs
p; mantle (for now, assumed dependant on radius only).          We can then divide the field as

                      
;      B = B  + B  = curl (rT) + curl curl (rS)
      
;     &nbs
p; t                p
      
;    [SIC]      
;   [SIC]
           From here, we can use the Laplace Operators described in the previous note.  IF the previous note did
      
; NOT describe the operators as function elements of the fields  (S), (T),  then the message you received was
      
; invalid;  because the arithmetic sent was generalized, if you received any further description of the harmonic
      functions (SH) of S inproper geometric terms (sin,cos) then the message sent was tampered with.
       
        How did we do?
      
;     &nbs
p;   
      
;  AND

      
; After expansion in spherical harmonics of  the magntic[SIC] field, we must account for the known
    considerable seasonal variation.  Using
   
          
;         m   m
          
;      (q  ,s  ) for the Gaussan[SIC] coefficients describing internal and external sources respectively,
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp; n    n

    we can allow for this variation as

      
;                      0          0          0     &nbs
p;          0
                   
;     &nbs
p; q (r) = q     + (q    cos r + q    sin r)
                            n        
;  n,0      n,1c           n,1s

      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;                            
;  0     &nbs
p;              0
                          
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;   + (q    cos 2r + q    sin 2r),
                            
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;     &n
bsp;   n,2c             n,2s


      with well-known covariance limitations.

      The 1st should have one misspelling AND the out of place subscripts, leaving the equation undefined.
      
; The 2nd should have magnetic and Gaussian misspelled but arithmetic ok.    Okay messages?



Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: March 24, 2008 7:11 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

kcman,

Thank you for your insight and talking about your own experiences.  I agree that it is very impressionable for a young child.  Seeing adults abusing each other, though it scares them, may not go to show them that this is not the way to be. 

It's good for yourself and your family that you've recognized your capabilities and work so not to repeat the cycle with your family.  I know it takes alot of will power and control to be able to do that. 

Thank you again for stepping on your soapbox. 




Since: Mar 21, 2008
Posted on: March 24, 2008 4:51 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

As someone who came from an abusive home (my father as an alcoholic, my mother manic depressive...not a good combination), I can attest to the fact that abusive relationships stay with the impressionable youth who are exposed for the rest of their lives. One of my first memories was of my mom crushing a vase over my father's head in a fit of rage at a time in which she was 'cycling.' I, as a husband and father of three wonderful children, have honestly had to hold myself in check a number of different times. I have never struck my wife, but I have come dangerously close three times. And my wife had to keep an eye on me the one time I spanked my son to make sure that I didn't take it too far.

A person's subconscious is a dangerous, murky and often confused place where fantasy and reality often get mixed up and the thoughts and actions that can stem from the subconscious are often unexplained and uncontrollable. But they are without merit, because it is there where you can learn the most about a person, what they are capable (and incapable, as the case dictates) of doing, and the moral fiber that has woven them into the person they have become.

An abuser has an addiction in many cases, just like an alcoholic, drug addict, or compulsive liar or gambler. They thrive on the suffering of others, if not to mask their own suffering for a short amount of time. Abusiveness does run in a vicious cycle. While I do not think it is hereditary, I do believe that it is a product of one's surroundings, and if a person is subject to constant abuse as an impressionable child then they in turn will in all likelihood continue the cycle. It takes a lot of willpower and dedication, not only to the spouse and children, but to YOURSELF, to overcome the demons of the past and break the cycle. It took me 4 years of intensive counseling to figure that out. And, while it's a constant struggle to keep those flaring emotions in check, it is my proudest accomplishment. Being able to say that my three children will grow up in a healthy, loving, peaceful home means more to me than anything in the world.

And I am now officially off my soapbox...




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: March 22, 2008 7:22 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

JSB,

According to the paper, the habitual abuser is more about control, kind of along the same lines of rape.  As far as why someone easily hits another, it can go back to our parents for alot.  There have been studies that showed that abusive men and women come from homes where their fathers or mothers were abusive.  Same with abused women (and men). 

Is the arguments for the bugs working?




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: March 22, 2008 7:08 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

plaid,

I can understand your wife.  I know that I am capable of hitting out of anger and I know that my husband is also.  We have this agreement that if we get angry, neither of us will discuss it at the time and if one of us say we need to leave, we don't try to stop the other.  But yeah, I know where you're coming from.

As far as your ex goes, well it's dependent on how secure your wife is with your marriage.  I wouldn't have a problem with my husband going to his ex, though she may be tempted to slit his throat, so for his safety, I cut his hair...lol. 

A tat of Baby Plaid would be cool, where would you like to get it?  Just don't get one of your wife, just in case.  My husband has a few tats he got around the same time I got mine.  A set a cuffs and a eod crab, a matching kanji and a large naked woman on his back with my initial on her arm.  Luckily since my name starts with a D is wouldn't take too much to change that to a heart...or he could just find another woman with the name that starts with a D.




Since: Sep 13, 2006
Posted on: March 22, 2008 7:06 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

    Good blog, mum.
    Your point about making certain that all the facts are in before making judgments is a good one which people
seem to have ignored.  There has been a (large) increase in females reporting false rape/ abuse situations,
especially when they stand to get $ from it.  Equally, just to get back at their partner for perceived mal-treatment.
Rumors of abuse do not constitute abuse.  They may do so, but not necessarily.

    The 'existence' of male abuse of women (everywhere, not just here) is longer than the Bible. 
   
    There is no obvious solution to the problem, and I'm not certain that we even genuinely understand
why it happens.  There are (Big) numbers of repetitively abusive males, but I suspect that they are in a
minority.   Even among those men who are not habitually abusive, though there still seems to be a 'willingness'
to become abusive for,...  whatever reason came up.
    I doubt that any man can convince himself that he is being 'manly' by beating up a woman.  And yet, if
pushed, a (large) number of men, in fact, do.  Most of these 'sometime' abusers do not abuse their children,
so it isn't a question of being certain that they will have an uneven match.   Something else allows men to
'attack' women.  If we knew what that something was, we might have more success in dealing with it.

    Segment 2 of the bugs :

    After expansion in spherical harmonics of the  magntic field, we must account for the known considerable
    seasonal variation.  Using

      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;   m   m
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp; (q  ,s ) for the known Gaussan coefficients,
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;   n   n

      
;  describing internal and external sources respectively,    we can allow for this variation as


              
;    0     &nbs
p;     0         0                  
;  0
                q  (r) =  q    +  (q      cos r + q    sin r)
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp; n     &nbs
p;    n,0      n,1c              n,1s

                                  0                
;    0
      
;     &nbs
p;     &nb
sp;     &n
bsp;    + (q    cos 2r + q    sin 2r) ,
                                  n,2c               n,2s

       with known covariance limitations.    
;  Back Monday,  happy Easter




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: March 22, 2008 6:59 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

As scary as it can be to get involved, we need people to stop and help when someone is in danger

Unfortunately not many people are willing to risk their own safety and security to help another.  There is probably about a 30% of the population who would be willing to do that. 




Since: Nov 26, 2006
Posted on: March 22, 2008 6:54 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

And would your current smack you if your ex cut your hair?  I guess that depends on how well you and your ex get along.  Some think it's justification for murder (you know, those states where crimes of passion are legal).

She has smacked me for much less. She is the only woman that has ever hit me in anger. I am not an agressive person so it has taken me by surprise. I understand when women say that it was their fault, because I did the same. It was my mouth that got me into trouble, so if I were to just keep my mouth shut, it wouldn't happen. I know it sounds stupid, and I am in no way a wimp, but if it weren't for Baby Plaid, she would have been gone the first time it happened. It has only happened twice by the way.

I feel that no one should hit anyone for any reason, and thats how I try to live my life. However, as my ex and I still get along, and because she was my hairdresser before we were married, she should still be able to cut my hair. If I trust her, then Mrs plaid should too. The ex stands behind me with scissors in her hand for crying out loud!! I'm sure she would know where to dispose of my body if she wanted to also. She was the one to find out that she could bury me in my back yard if she wanted. She just had to let my neighbors know she was doing it. (Don't ask me why she wanted to know that. She just informed me of that one day)

 Anyway, I have been considering getting a tat of Baby Plaid because I just thought it would be cool. I would want something that is 'me'.




Since: Sep 13, 2007
Posted on: March 22, 2008 2:45 pm
 

Whose Problem Is It?

A consequence of the type of society we live in today is that most people will not intervene when they see something unsavoury.

One of the news shows (Dateline or 60 Minutes, maybe) just did a study on this.  A man and woman posed as a couple fighting in a park in broad daylight, and the man started to get a little physical (pushing and shoving, no hitting) to see if people would help.  Women were more likely to intervene than men.  Although one guy that stopped was pretty aggressive with the attacker - it was probably about to come to blows when the production crew ran over to stop things.

As scary as it can be to get involved, we need people to stop and help when someone is in danger.  The police can't have a presence everywhere at all times.  If those who are prone to violence knew that the average citizen would intervene, they might think twice.  Of course, this must stop short of vigilante justice, and be limited to ensuring safety until help arrives.


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