Blog Entry

It's Not Going To Happen

Posted on: April 2, 2008 6:55 pm
Edited on: April 2, 2008 6:55 pm

They thought they caught me in their little traps.  They laid the bread crumbs ooooh so nicely, and I started to follow.  When I started to back away, started to get skittish, they used sparkly objects to divert, capture and hold my attention.  They were masters at weaving a spell, of tempting me, seducing me and they almost got me there.  Got me to where I would be helpless, needy, dependent on them.   That was until I read this.  Wow, talk about being in shell shock.

For a long time I have fought even my own curiosity of fantasy football and resisted the urge for it.  I've already said that I've been known to kill Tamaguchi pets, let fully trained Furbies digress back to the start and have thrown many dead chia pets away.  If it doesn't breath, eat, and sleep, chances are, if it needs some kind of care, I'll destroy it.  My daughter entrusted me with her little egg pets, which I would take to work with me each day, by lunch, they were dead and she'd have to start all over.  When she finally got her furbies trained to speak where you understand them, she asked me to take care of them while she went on vacation to PA for a month.  I was a big disappointment to her when she returned and had to retrain her furbies all over again. 

It's easy, they told me, don't worry, you can't do anything that will hurt your team.  Okay, three different men tried to get me into three different FF leagues for the next season.  They almost had me.  They knew what would entice me.  Yeah, they almost were able to find a sucker.  Fortunately, I decided that I would start reading up, look at what the "experts" wrote up, read the blogs on FF.  It was Dave Richards blog today that had me running, screaming for the hills. 

I didn't know you needed to have a PhD in physics.  I tried to comprehend, really I did.  Okay, so I caught some of what he was trying to project for Laurence Maroney but now he's talking variances. Oh my god, I'm not John Nash, I'll never get this.  Heck, I struggled through the variance and methods, means and modes portion in stats 101. 

So I was saved in the nick of time, before I dove in with both feet, before they tried to push  Brian St. Pierre on me as my starting Quarterback (yeah, I know he was cut as the 3d string QB from the Steelers).  Before they tried to get me to draft Terrelle Pryor.  This is one fool they didn't catch in their sinister web of treachery and deceit. 

I admit it, I know my limitations, I know what I can't do, it's not something I'm going to be good at.  It's just too much for my mind to comprehend doing every week, taking the stats, multiplying them by x to the 5th power and then dividing them by pi to determine whether or not I should start Jerome Bettis that week or not. 

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit, but I think I'll give it about 5 years for me to fully comprehend it before dabbling in fantasy football.  Thanks Dave for opening my eyes.


Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 3:03 pm

It's Not Going To Happen

Now see Unitas that style of FF I can get into without a problem.  The one where you're using established NFL teams.  I do this with my husband once a year.  In fact I have bragging rights because one year, on the sports board he used to go to for the Colts, he was the one with the most correct picks and I had a better season at picking then he did.

The type of FF that I'm trying to be coerced into are the leagues that have you drafting players and creating your own team.  Okay, if I can have P. Manning as my starting QB, Tom Brady as my backup and Ben Roethlisberger as my 3d string, with Parker and Taylor as my RBs and TJ as one of my WRs, ...oh and the Pittsburgh Defense...then I'd probably say yeah baby, count me in....what are the chances though?

Since: Nov 6, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 2:46 pm

It's Not Going To Happen

Fantasy football isn't too hard at all, Mom.  I'd be more than happy to teach you.  The only things you really need to know are
1 - Avoid the guy on Madden.  He's cursed.
2 - Very rarely is the FF Champion (currently, Tom Brady) the best next year.
3 - Draft kickers and defenses later.
4 - Don't draft quarterbacks with the same bye, even if you can get Peyton Manning and Tom Brady.
5 - The experts have some good suggestions, but nobody is perfect.
6 - Draft a stud running back first, and then get a quarterback.  If it's a big league, consider your second running back in the second round, and then a quarterback.  Barring a 2004 Peyton Manning or 2007 Tom Brady season, most quarterbacks aren't TOO far apart (Manning, Brady, Palmer, Brees, Roethlisberger, Romo)
7 - If your down by twenty, and your best player is playing on Monday Night, you can count on him to get nineteen points, max.

Since: Sep 27, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 2:37 pm

It's Not Going To Happen

Oh yeah! I was a fantasy football guy before it was cool.

It's not that hard. I don't spend a ton of time researching like a bunch of my buddies do. We live far apart, so we have to do the on line stuff. No money involved. But trash talk each other to death. LOL

What we do for money is pick games and scores. We don't work against the spread. 12 of us put in $40 bucks each. We have a weekly winner and a season winner. This actually entails more trash talking than any fantasy football league I've been in.

We have three fun awards each week....which get you nothing other than bragging rights.

  Close call of the week....the person who comes the closest to the actual score of a game.

  Crack pick of the week.... the person who makes the boldest pick of the week that actually turns out correct.

  Meth pick of the week.... the stupidest, I must have been totally intoxicated with ammonia, et. al, when I made the pick

At any rate, if you don't like to trash talk, none of this has any value. I take a lot of crap...because I talk a lot of crap. LOL

Take care

Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 2:26 pm

It's Not Going To Happen


In all fairness to Dave, his blog was trying to determine approximately how many carries Laurence Maroney would have next season, and provided the mathematical equations on coming up with those numbers.  I've been trying to pickup some information to actually learn about FF before I get into it, if I would get into it and the CBS people have been pretty detailed on this. 

Not saying it didn't confuse me quite a bit...but you know me...when I see an opportunity to take something and run with it, I will. 

The CBS folks here on the site have been pretty good natured about my teasing them (Shuless Joe, Eric Kay, Gregg Doyel)...Dave just happened to be my latest victim, but his blogs have convinced me that if I do decide to get into an FF league, I'm going to need to not "just" jump into it. 

As far as my missives about getting drunk with the boys...well there was this time....nah, not going there.

Hopefully you'll find out where your issues are with your bug testing.  Not sure if you have one already, but you may want to think about getting a router to set up a "hard" firewall.

Since: Sep 13, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 1:56 pm

It's Not Going To Happen

    Hi, mum.
    I'm surprised to hear that anyone playing fantasy football imagines that his statistical manipulations could help
him.  I'd be interested in reading that blog (I don't know Richards) to see what they have in mind.
    The kind of league that involved constant drafting, trading, playing/benching players, in the end has little
to do with football, as a game.  It is 'individual' oriented, and, as you point out, would be enormously time-consuming.
There are fantasy 'leagues' that function only on picking the winners ATS each week, and so, is actually
football oriented, rather than individual-oriented.  I am certainly curious about the methods they employ, per
your description - and might well be mildly amused.

    I thank you for sticking it out re the 'bug' tests.  Since you did receive what I was sending, I'm going to have
to look for a different way of finding and trapping it(them).  Windows has so many holes in it that these things
can attach themselves pretty much anywhere.  If they weren't interested in the missives, then at least I know that I
am dealing with some sort of 'seller' - type bug, using my machine to sell who knows what to who knows whom.
I believe (rightly or wrongly) that the majority of internet bugs in existence were created by assorted government
agencies -- if it(they) were one of those, it would have attempted to alter / correct the messages. ( I think).

    Looking forward to that missive on getting drunk and going out with the boys ...

Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 11:06 am

It's Not Going To Happen

6) I don't bet much.  I'd rather put the $ in the bank then buy a lottery ticket.  I don't subscribe to the theory you can't win if you don't play.  My philosophy is more like you can't lose if you don't play.

There's money involved...okay, that explains why they wanted me as a patsy.

Since: Oct 19, 2007
Posted on: April 3, 2008 11:04 am

It's Not Going To Happen

I've thought about FF or FBaseball as well, but for several reasons it never got past just thinking:

1) It would take too much time.  Might be too much work.

2) I would always lose money, just like the NCAA tournament bracket and superbowl squares (and the squares are just luck)

3) I don't understand the scoring systems, and not sure I really want to. 

4) A little concerned I might get duped.

5) Not sure how to go about getting in a league.

6) I don't bet much.  I'd rather put the $ in the bank then buy a lottery ticket.  I don't subscribe to the theory you can't win if you don't play.  My philosophy is more like you can't lose if you don't play.

I still might someday.  I like challenges and sports, and I think it could be fun, but too many negatives.


Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 10:52 am

It's Not Going To Happen

Well, since those who want me to get involved are based via the internet, playing golf and getting drunk is not going to happen.  Besides, it's not a good idea for me to get drunk around a bunch of guys (that's something for another blog also ... which I'm not going there either). 

Since: Aug 1, 2007
Posted on: April 3, 2008 10:12 am

It's Not Going To Happen

At our FF draft we simply play golf, get drunk and ridicule each others picks. No science needed there. The only variances we have to worry about are the ones concerning closing time and lewd public behavior.

Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 3, 2008 9:29 am

It's Not Going To Happen

On a separate note, I guess having Brian St. Pierre wouldn't be an illegitimate QB to have pushed on me since he's been picked up by the Cardinals.

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