Blog Entry

Ask Mom

Posted on: April 17, 2008 12:40 pm
Edited on: April 17, 2008 3:15 pm
 

They knew it would happen.  Just plant the seed and be patient and it will eventually come around.  They know me too well.  I'd resist at first and fight it, but it would be as inevitable as the morning routine of having the dog, cat, canary and kid follow you into the bathroom.  Yes, I fought that too, first making sure the door was fully closed and latched, yet somehow the cat learned how to turn the door knob.  When I would lock it, I could hear my husband laughing maniacally on the other end of the door as he unlocked it, then teaching the dog to open the door. 

Okay, so maybe that's not exactly true, but when I did have animals and/or the daughter was younger, there was always someone or something sitting there waiting patiently for me when I stepped out of the shower.  No, my husband never unlocked a door, though my ex would and then would dump a bucket of cold water on me while I was in the shower.  Oh well, that's another story. 

Anyway, I gave in to the fact that there would be no privacy while I was getting ready for work in the morning, and now I give into this, at least this once.  I'll accept the challenge to open myself up to questions, any questions to be able to see how well I can answer them.   I know I should be afraid but the pull is too much to resist.  It's not that I haven't been asked questions that have taken me aback a bit, like the time my sisters, my daughter and myself were sitting around my sisters table before a funeral and my daughter asked what self-pleasure was (she was 10 at the time).  I had to resist answering her with the typical "a pint of ben and jerry's ice cream and warm flannel pj's", and went about explaining briefly as my sisters ran out of the room laughing.  Of course, there was the time that my daughter was doing a science project when she was 11 and asked what improvements electricity had made in my life.  Okay, so I told her I got to see man first walk on the moon.  Guess it wasn't the right answer though.  I turned around to see her crying and when I asked what was wrong, she bawled out that I was old and going to die soon.  (Yes, I don't let her forget that one either).

Okay, so we'll take a shot at this.  So take your shot, call me Erma, call me Abby, I just ask that any questions don't go outside the TOS of Sportsline and that they don't involve any math whatsoever.   Oh...and I can't guarantee that any of my answers will exactly be really serious either. 

Category: General
Tags: Humor
 
Comments

Since: Jun 29, 2007
Posted on: April 17, 2008 4:06 pm
 

Ask Mom

Oh the mouths of babes!! I'm not looking forward to that stage ;)

Dear Mom,

The problem I face now is that I have the 'golden child'.  Complements come easily and frequently from strangers and family.  Unfortunately the same cannot be said for the other kids he spends time with.  I go to stay at my sisters and the kids are about the same age but even grandma has a hard time not playing favorites.  I put it all on the parents but it just isn't fair to the poor kid.  She isn't getting the stimulus or nutrition she needs.  Another cousin is a fetal alcohol syndrome baby, she is now 5 but has severe problems and her dad doesn't want to admit to it so she is not getting the help she needs.  I am glad to have such a great kid but it makes it difficult in social and family gatherings when the bias is easily seen.  It takes a lot of work to have a healthy well behaved two year old but I can't seem to enjoy it when I see other parents not giving their kid every opportunity to succeed and grow.

Signed,
Golden Mom in the land of Aluminum




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 17, 2008 3:48 pm
 

Ask Mom

Now see, I'm kind of lucky...I think....my husband and I never had one of our own.  He thinks it might be a good thing because if he had a son, he'd be teaching the kid how to blow things up (he's an ex-bomb/eod tech).  Now that I can't handle.

Of course girls do have their own challenge, at least my daughter did.  She was never afraid to ask questions.  We were in a grocery store when she was about 4 and she had asked me why the lady in front of us was so "fat".  Before I had a chance to answer how that really wasn't too nice to ask that, the lady flipped out on me, so I decided not to be nice.

I said...see those donuts, and potato chips and cookies and ice cream and cupcakes and cheetos and all that garbage in her groceries.  (God this woman had nothing nutritious for her family in all the groceries she had).  It could be because of that. 

Stand there and call my kid a brat.  (Now I was almost as heavy as this woman was also...soooo).




Since: Jun 29, 2007
Posted on: April 17, 2008 3:33 pm
 

Ask Mom

We are opposites once again; I can't imagine having a daughter, I am soooo glad I had a boy and I hope the next ones are boys too.  A step daughter living 6 hours away is hard enough.  Scary, scary, scary!



Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 17, 2008 3:29 pm
 

Ask Mom

LOL red...that is why I'm sooooo glad that I had a daughter.  Though after hearing a conversation between her and her friends, I'm a little afraid that she'll don a whip and motion to her boots.



Since: Jun 29, 2007
Posted on: April 17, 2008 3:17 pm
 

Ask Mom

Unfortunately, my two and a half year old is going to grow up to be one of the boys the parents worry about.  He has already pinched a waitress' but because she didn't tell him how cute he was, it was probably my fault she was a hooters girl but still.   He will also play helpless on the playground if an older girl comes over, especially if she has just come from swimming in the river next to our favorite park.  He has been able to climb to the highest slide for quite a while but as soon as he picks out a 'mark' he just reaches and whines for help until she comes to his rescue.  I roll my eyes but I have to admit I am a little proud too. ;)

As far as the self gratification goes, I have him trained well enough that he only does it when he is stripped down waiting to get dressed, or in the bath.  I'm hoping that if I don't make a big deal out of it it won't be such a novelty.  I just take a little extra time picking out his clothes and ask if he's all done.  9 times out of 10 he'll put his hands up and say all done even if the diaper doesn't quite fit right yet if ya know what I mean.  It is the creepiest thing in the world to deal with but I guess it's a fact of life.




Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 17, 2008 2:30 pm
 

Ask Mom

gtbumblebee,

Thank you, I enjoy participating in the photo caption contests, especially when I get to tease Joe about the beefcake. 

Well, I'm not really sure that this is the topic at hand persay, but I do like the tangent that it went off on (sometimes general blogs have a way of doiing that).  I'm not sure if I agree regarding the Romans, yeah there was alot of self-gratification in the ways of eating, drinking and being merry) but chances were by the time their children reached sexual maturity, they were already being married off.  But I do agree that the Roman and Greek civilizations were probably less uptight about sexuality then we American's are today.

I actually never had a problem talking about sex and being open with my daughter.  Your right about needing to be able to not only answer questions but being comfortable with talking to our children about sex. 

 




Since: Nov 20, 2006
Posted on: April 17, 2008 2:13 pm
 

Ask Mom

Mom, first I want to say that I'm a big fan of your work at the photo captions blog.  As far as the topic goes, I think our puritancial ancestors had alot to do with our view point on self gratification.  I just can't imagine back in the days of the Roman empire(Eat, drink and be merry) that a parent would be overly concerned about their child's self gratification, when all they were worried about was where were they going to get theirs'.  Anyway it is better to answer the questions before they get any misinformation in preschool



Since: Feb 12, 2008
Posted on: April 17, 2008 2:08 pm
 

Ask Mom

Big E,

yeah, 35 sounds about right. I told my wife I was going to be like Dan Hedaya in "Clueless":

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, and I doubt anybody would miss you."

I'm right there with you.  I'll be conveniently cleaning my guns on the nights my daughter has a date.  I would assume that seeing a table full of assorted hunting rifles and shot guns would be pretty intimidating when handled by a man of my size. 



Since: Sep 9, 2006
Posted on: April 17, 2008 2:01 pm
 

Ask Mom

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, and I doubt anybody would miss you."

My husband makes a point to show every one of my daughters (male) friends, his shooting trophies, taking time to explain just how he won them.  His analogy, "anyone can own a gun, you need to make sure they're aware you really know how to use it".




Since: Jul 6, 2007
Posted on: April 17, 2008 1:46 pm
 

Ask Mom

A few months ago she came up to me and said, "Daddy?"  and I said, "Yes Baby."  She followed with, "Guess what.  me and Mommy have vagina's and you have a penis.  We have boobies too."  Keep in mind, this is a 2 year old.  I'm not really sure how I managed to hold my composure.  My wife and I had a very "interesting" conversation that evening.  Did I forget to mention that I plan to have her locked in a closet until she is 35?

yeah, 35 sounds about right. I told my wife I was going to be like Dan Hedaya in "Clueless":

"Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, and I doubt anybody would miss you."



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