As I sit back on this gentle Wednesday and survey my supplies for the upcoming Super Bowl Extravaganza in The Den, surely I lament a bit I realize that Wade Phillips will be again viewing the big game from the comfort of his saddled horse at home and T.O. will have to wait at least another year for everyone to hate loving him again. And I think to myself what it must be like on the other side of the SB fence...the East Coast frame of mind...that skin bubbling knowledge that your team will take the grand stage to play for immortality. Deeper yet, what if my team were a team perfect in record and full of those who stand alone in achievement with bars set higher than anyone has previously reached...what if I were a New England Patriots fan. So here are the top 10 things I would do if I were a Patriots fan...
10. Begin donations to the "Keep Randy in Chowder" fund.
9. Demand the rights to the moniker "America's Team" from Jerry Jones, he should make me a good deal.
8. Walk into a Schula's reasturant, order a bottle of Dom, pay and leave it unopened on the Table
7. Sell "Mercury Morris Needs AA" shirts before the Big Game
6. Open a Boston area resturant and have every item on the Menu reference this season (ie. 19-0 Chowder, The Perfection Platter)
5. Divert Money from the "Keep Randy in Chowder" fund to his legal defense coffers
4. Never tell anyone that Bill Belecheck is a robot from the future sent here to....I've said too much
3. Hand Tom Coughlin a Video Casset titled "Defensive Play Calls" and say, "The Guys Said This Won't be Nessecary"
2. Petition George Bush to wear the Belehoodie when the team meets him at the Whitehouse
1. Not post a damn thing on the CBS Sportsline Message Board defending my team, because they are 18-0, have already been penalized for thier rules infraction (cheating, we can say that...its ok, it happened, its over) and are 12 point favorites to win the Super Bowl and go undefeated....they need no verbal defense, just post a link to the NFL standings as my response and move on. If they do loose, I would take it for what it was, a phenominal season and make sure my team's front office knew how badly we wanted that nucleus back next year to make another run at it. What I wouldn't do is give every jag-bag in the world the ability to get me riled up about what THEY said about a team I don't play on to the point that all the board is filled with are threads where a person is trying to get a desired response out of another person or persons.
crap my soapbox is tipping and I need more ice