Blog Entry

Goodbye, SportsLine

Posted on: June 13, 2008 9:07 am
Edited on: June 13, 2008 9:50 am
Today is officially my last day as a SportsLiner (CBSSportser just doesn't have the same ring.)

On Thursday, the Fantasy guys did a roast of me at lunch. It was one of the coolest things I've seen. Here are a few of the "publishable" jokes that Ross and Dave Richard (along with some of my rebuttals) said to the group:

  • You know what Serge’s problem is? He’s too nice. If he were any nicer, he’d be gay.
  • Blanco couldn’t be here today. He just couldn’t get over the terrible empty feeling -- in his skull ... Blanco is going home to see his family in Georgia this week. Wonder if he’s staying with his sister, his mom or his aunt? Oh wait, they’re all the same person.
  • Jamey is getting married soon, poor lad. It’s amazing Gonos’ ex got back into the wedding game so quickly ... Some people might think Jamey will be neutered by marriage, but not to worry -- his voice tells us everything we need to know about the state of his cojones.
  • Hurc is so cheap, when someone rings the door bell at his apartment, he sticks his head out the window and says, ding-dong.
  • Big thanks to Emack for actually putting down his "work" and showing up today. ****ing 27-year-old baseball players is hard work, I bet.
  • Some people say you’re fat, Gonos. Fat? You're not fat, you're just ... OK, hell, you’re fat ... Gonos’ new workplace is apparently a little closer to the beach. Problem with that is he doesn’t know how to swim. His mother would never let him in the water ... because it was never more than 30 mins since he last ate.
FROM DAVE RICHARD: (Notice "Lion King" pillow in Richard's messy cube on right.)
  • Gonos, your office chair wanted me to thank you for finally letting it breathe. My office chair is jealous.
  • Now Gonos is off to Hey Gonos, speaking of cube stuff, I'm glad you can take your TiVo with you to Will you be able to rewind your decision to leave when your place shuts down in two years?
  • Knock, knock
    (Who's there)
    ( who?)
  • To Ross (he's British) -- Remember when we kicked your ass in the Revolution, then saved your ass in WWI and WWII? Then you gave us Pet Shop Boys and Mr. Bean. Thanks. Even the French gave us the Statue of Liberty and tongue kisses ... I like your hair culdisac.
  • To EMack -- You’ve mentioned my new job is like me going from the NFL to the XFL. I think that makes you the LA/Oakland Raiders. Lots of lateral movement in the company and everyone hates you.
  • To Fazal -- You're a good guy. If all Muslims were like you -- lazy, slow and apathetic -- there'd be peace in the Middle East.
  • To Jamey -- I hope your fiancee Allison doesn't mind when you shove her out of the way to get solo time in your wedding video.
  • To Dave Richard -- YOU are to FUNNY what EMACK is to GOOD BREATH -- you don't have it ... Taco Bell called -- YOU WIN! ... Dave, that salad bar up there -- it's not just a big garnish.
Throughout my tenure here at SportsLine, I've always written down any great quotes that have come out of the mouths of my workmates (including some of my own poorly chose words). Jamey read off a bunch of them at my Roast. I'll print them as the day rolls on -- and until they kill my password on my computer.

Thanks to former SPLNer's
I've yet to thank a good group of old SportsLine guys that I've worked with and have now moved elsewhere. (I've already mentioned Tristan, Engel, Fabiano and Dobish -- and Alex Riethmiller's a good guy, but he works in a diff department now.) But former writers Matt Lawrence and Brian Flood occupied the same cube diagonally across from me at different times (and both wrote basketball). They were great to work with -- and even better to drink with.

Marc Bernstein, Lyle Skolnick and their leader Peter Pezarus are all toting the banner now, but they were all integral in the early success of the Commissioner product. Brett Tresky also works at Multiply now and I see him still for softball all the time. Great guy that takes a lot of abuse. Danny Kadoche has moved on to -- and he bought me wings Wednesday! Another SPLN softballer that has been a good friend through the years.

Thanks to current SPLNer's to come.

The SportsLine Top 10
It's been discussed for years, always evolving and rearranging, adding those that are new and removing those that move on. Here is the current listing, in alphabetical order:
  • Amber
  • Annette
  • April
  • Debbie
  • Erin F.
  • Jocelyn
  • Kate
  • Kira
  • Mary Ellen
  • Stacee
  • Suzanne
Category: MLB
Tags: Leaving SPLN

Since: Aug 10, 2006
Posted on: June 29, 2008 9:48 am

Goodbye, SportsLine

Thanks Ray -- and LUV 2 Q, Caddyshack references are always welcome! And I think Judge Smails also said it best:

It's easy to grin
When your ship comes in
And you've got the stock market beat. 

But the man worthwhile, 
Is the man who can smile, 
When his shorts are too tight in the seat.


We'll be launching in the coming weeks. Meanwhile, enjoy this

Since: Mar 25, 2008
Posted on: June 25, 2008 3:57 pm

Goodbye, SportsLine


Since: Sep 29, 2006
Posted on: June 24, 2008 11:56 pm

Goodbye, SportsLine

WOW... sad to say that you were one of the only reasons I came on this site... well... that and all my fantasy teams are on here... and for some reason MLB and are both blocked at my work... but other then those reasons you were there... Good luck in everything that you do... See you at an SU game sometime...


Since: Jul 28, 2007
Posted on: June 20, 2008 8:26 pm

Goodbye, SportsLine

Good luck Dave . . . will miss your advice.

Ron Stott

Since: Jan 15, 2008
Posted on: June 15, 2008 7:42 pm

Goodbye, SportsLine

Dude.. the Top 10 was a secret for years, i cant believe you have aired that now. Sorry i missed the happy send off at Bru's. Good luck and Go F#$% Yourself.

Since: Aug 14, 2006
Posted on: June 14, 2008 10:42 pm

Goodbye, SportsLine

The SportsLine Top 10 -- what?

Nicest people at the office? If that's the case, I'm very upset I'm not on that list. ;)

Loves it.

We'll miss you Gonos, but I'll always pester you on IM.

Since: Aug 17, 2006
Posted on: June 14, 2008 9:27 am

Goodbye, SportsLine

Sorry, Gonos ... had to 1-star you for finding the Lion King pillow and placing it toward the front of my desk as well as PLANTING the McDonald's bag on my desk (though I suppose it's not out of the realm of possibility that one COULD be there).

Sadly, the rest of the desk is as advertised. No mention of the refugee munchkins living under my cube?

Since: Aug 10, 2006
Posted on: June 14, 2008 8:52 am

Goodbye, SportsLine

That ... is how you go out with class.


Since: Jan 16, 2008
Posted on: June 13, 2008 10:52 am

Goodbye, SportsLine

Ross and Richard were great. Ross' joke about you swimming was hilarious.

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or