Blog Entry

Blog Cabin: Don't be 'that guy' at the game

Posted on: June 9, 2008 7:04 pm
From my life...

It doesn’t matter where I go, at every sporting event I attend, I always seem to sit next to “that guy”.

Now, I don’t mind people taking through a game, or screaming at the players. I don’t even mind the big, fat, smelly guy who’s had a few too many, and insists on a dancing the “shirtless shuffle” up and down the isle.

I’m fine with that, that’s what you expect when you go to a game.

What I don’t expect, is to see a couple ladies gossiping while knitting... and I have. In fact, it seems like most of the time, my “that guy” is a woman.

I’m not trying to say that women don’t belong at ballgames, or even that they don’t know the etiquette. By and large, women do just fine in the midst of the shirtless, sun-burned fat guys and over exuberant fantasy players. Most of them even know the game well enough to add something to the conversation that usually develops among the fans in your vicinity.

There are a few, though, that have no business anywhere near a sporting event. They drive me crazy! And why, God, do they always sound like Fran Drescher!?

The two knitters I mentioned before... Basically, they looked like fourth grade teachers, and they didn’t watch or say one word about the game. Not one! Of course, I did, unfortunately, get to hear about what Sally said to Marge, and why Anne’s granddaughter shouldn’t be dating that boy.

This type of thing has no place at the stadium, and I thoroughly believe that you should be able to call an usher and have them removed. After all, what if a foul ball came up there? These old hens could have been seriously hurt... and they probably would have freaked out and stabbed me in the neck with a knitting needle.

OK, the yarn-wielding grannies are maybe my best example, but I ran in to another of “those guys” yesterday at Dolphins Stadium.

The woman sitting right in front of me was probably in her mid-40s, but I could tell that most of those were hard years. At first, she just seemed like an average fan, but it didn’t take long for her to scare off the two guys sitting next to her.

I’m actually shocked that her date didn’t abandon her as well, because all she did was harass him about “smoking four cigarettes every time he went to get more beer”.

Self-medication, I’m sure.

By the third inning, it was full-on. She, for whatever reason, found it necessary to use her horse, nasaly voice to give play-by-play for the entire game.

If you can, imagine Joan Rivers as a baseball commentator, while holding her nose...

Yeah, it was brutal... and it would have driven me crazy, except for the first time, I figured out great way to combat the annoyingness.

I listened to her, and I imagined that she was the play-by-play voice.

“Oh, Keeen Greeffey hit a fowl bawl!”

“Oh, weeew, he made the catch ova theeer!”

I would have preferred not to have to role play through the entire game, but let me tell you, it made for one of the most hilarious games imaginable, and it was a small price to pay for the chance to catch No. 600.

In any case... Has anyone else had to deal with that guy or girl? I’m curious to hear some of the great stories from around the country.

From the Blogosphere...

Can Indiana make it to the NIT next season? While the NIT hardly seems important to many basketball fans, that's the question on The Teen Expert's mind. See what he predicts.

With the Greatest NFL Team of All Time complete, cirknick has decided to fill the void by putting together the Greatest Colts Team of All Time. This week: wide receivers.

Boziebob thinks that the NBA Playoffs are rigged, and to prove it, he sites the horrible disparity in free throws. Yeah right, Bob. Next you'll be telling me that boxing isn't legit.
Category: General

Since: May 21, 2007
Posted on: June 10, 2008 3:10 pm

Blog Cabin: Don't be 'that guy' at the game

I'm hoping that I was never "that girl" at a sporting event and that I can hang with the best of 'em. . . I know I've never knitted -- not ever, let alone in public or at a sporting event – but I could have been a loud, and obnoxious,  Gator fan at say Florida vs. Georgia in Jacksonville or in New Orleans at a Sugar Bowl,  where it's totally accepted behavior in the stadium, while tailgating or at any other time on game day. 

However, I can honestly say that this phenomenon happens at the movies ALL the time, where I ALWAYS sit next to the loudest and most obnoxious person in the theater.  Whether it’s a young teenager let out on the loose or an old hearing-impaired couple repeating each and every movie line, it’s the same horrifying experience. 

Since: Dec 4, 2006
Posted on: June 10, 2008 2:39 pm

Blog Cabin: Don't be 'that guy' at the game

I know you were talking about baseball, but I am a die-hard hockey fan who has had more than my fair share of run-ins with "that guy."  Sometimes they are drunk and sometimes they are just extremely uneducated about the game, but they are always annoying.  I absolutely cant stand it when their team is on the powerplay and they are working the puck around trying to create mismatches or advantages or a good seam for a backdoor pass and "that guy" keeps yelling "SHOOT!" over and over again, regardless of whether or not the guy has a shooting lane or if their is traffic in fron of the net. 

The other thing that annoys me to no end is when "that guy" keeps yelling "Fight!" or "KICK HIS A$$" or something along those lines.  I enjoy fighting as much as anyone, but I dont go to games just to watch guys fight.  Fighting should be done within the context of the game.  It should be done for a reason.  People like that are what give American media the idea that hockey fans are uneducated morons and that the game is too violent for tv; it gives people like Gary Bettman (ugh!) the idea to tone down the game to make it more appealing to soccer moms who dont want to watch the game anyway. 

Since: Jan 23, 2008
Posted on: June 9, 2008 11:22 pm

Blog Cabin: Don't be 'that guy' at the game

Dental floss... LOL, that's too graphic.

As far as the heckling goes... they really should post those rules at the park. There have been so many times I've seen guys violate all three of those rules in a period of 15 minutes.

Since: Apr 6, 2008
Posted on: June 9, 2008 10:20 pm

Blog Cabin: Don't be 'that guy' at the game

I know you article really wasnt about hecklers but I wanted to add a few thoughts.  Heckling has been around as long as baseball.  Its good natured fun and is often humerous if "the rules" are followed

1. NO CUSSING while deploying your heckle.  Baseball belongs to children.  Do not expose them to raunchy bad words. " I often use profanity in conversation but not when I heckle.  I always respect the children and parents around me, no matter what my blood alcohol level is....

2.  KEEP IT CLEAN.  No overt sexual overtones when heckling.  Although I was heckling David Wright one game that he got my sister pregnant, and she and her attorney were well aware of the deal he had signed.  But I did not cuss and that was the extent of the overtone.  I along with the group around me thought it to be good natured and funny.

3. BE A MAN.  If you are heckling a guy and he hits a three run bomb, do not sit down and cover your face.  Just yell at the player that you are going to go get a crow hotdog, but you will be back by his next at bat. 

Since: Dec 1, 2006
Posted on: June 9, 2008 8:58 pm

Blog Cabin: Don't be 'that guy' at the game

Aye, Captain.

You haven't experienced real pain until you've sat in front of a "Body/Mass Index-Challenged" woman in a halter-top. Oy vey! Picture, if you will, an English Muffin gift-wrapped in dental floss. My buddy and I could only stomach 2 innings of this wildebeest before we returned home to watch the game on satellite. If I could have taken my eyeballs out and soaked them in Lysol - I would have.

Where are those Men In Black mind erasers when you really need them...?

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or