Blog Entry

USC to leave Pac-10

Posted on: June 27, 2010 10:14 pm
 
Thought my fellow Vol fans would appreciate my article from www.sportscomedian.com

"Conference realignment has been the buzz word of the college football off-season and a huge source of confusion for most sports fans.  To sum up the recent changes simply:  Colorado left the Big 12 for the Pac-10, making the Pac-10 actually the Pac-11 and reducing the Big 12 down to the Big 11.  Then the Big Ten (which really had 11 teams) added Nebraska making the Big Ten effectively the Big Twelve and leaving the conference formerly known as the Big 12 with just ten teams.  Then Utah joined the Pac-11 to make it the Pac-12 and we thought things were settling down on the conference shift front.  That is until the stunning announcement that USC will be leaving the Pac-12 conference, making it the Pac-11 again.

“As of today we will be withdrawing our appeal of the recent NCAA sanctions and ordering all NCAA inspectors off our campus,” stated USC athletic director Mike Garrett “We have instead decided to accept an invitation to become a member of the Axis of Evil Conference effective immediately.”  According to Garrett, the school received a call from AOEC officials following news of the harsh NCAA ruling.  It seems the group was looking to replace former AOEC member Iraq following the latter’s transition to a free society and was also looking to expand their evil influence into college football.  “It seems like the perfect fit to us.  The AOEC has experience thumbing their noses at unjust sanctions from overbearing institutions.  They’ve promised us that the puny NCAA will not be a problem and that it will be backroom business as usual at Southern Cal.  We’ve even discussed using their contacts to add a nuclear option to our offensive playbook for the next season. ”

The transition could prove more difficult than USC expects.  TSC has learned that the AOEC requires each member to cut all social and economic ties with the West and to adopt an official language other than Satan’s tongue (read English).  Despite the challenges, new coach Lane Kiffin seems confident.  “I am very happy with this move,” said Kiffin, “Convincing recruits to renounce their United States citizenship may seem hard to some, but we have the best recruiting staff in the entire world here at USC.  We just remind these kids that no matter what evil we may perpetrate, at the end of the day we put people in the pros.”  As for the new language, Kiffin said the team has already begun the process of transitioning over to “whatever that language is that Coach O speaks.”

While Southern Cal fans may be surprised by this recent turn of events, it seems clear that folks in Oakland and Knoxville were right to claim that Lane Kiffin is an evil. . .well not genius, bent on college football dominance just like North Korea’s head man Kim Jong Il and Iran’s skipper Mahmoud Ackm. . .Mahmoud Ahmi. . .the beady-eyed, bearded dude.  “USC is a very strong and powerful school,” said Kiffin, “much too powerful to submit to the rule of any conference and especially to the whims of an organization as biased as the NCAA.  The AOEC was attractive to us on many levels:  First, they have no restrictions on recruiting which fits in with the way we do things here at USC; B) they have assured me that we can add the Southeastern Conference, Urban Meyer and all Tennessee fans to the AOEC list of sworn enemies; and 3) their football national champion is determined by supreme leader instead of by some stupid BCS formula invented by greedy capitalists.”  

find more stories like this at www.sportscomedian.com
Category: NCAAF
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