Blog Entry

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

Posted on: August 23, 2010 4:51 pm
Edited on: August 23, 2010 5:55 pm

Fleeting, first-blush thoughts about the Tiger Woods divorce, finalized with the assistance of no fewer than eight attorneys in a Panamanian courthouse on Monday...

Make that a Panama City courthouse, though it sounds a lot less dramatic.

What happens next? With this weight off his shoulders and joint custody of the kids, he can't possibly play any worse. We think.

As usual, only the lawyers win in this sort of deal. Eight of them? One of them was Elin's twin sister, Josefin Lonnborg. So at least they kept some of the money in the family. Probably not the twin-sister tag-team Tiger envisioned.

Woods hates spending money. If he was able to hold a pen steadily enough to write a check for $100 million, the unconfirmed settlement figure, who is to say his putting stroke won't again improve? That took some mettle, knowing how that guy is fiscally wired.

How will it affect Woods' play? Hard to say. Many of us thought his performance would improve once he shed himself of that posse of gold-digging pole dancers he was hanging around for the past couple of years.

Note to cavemen out there: It's unfair to pin any of this on Elin, who was as classy as humanly possible throughout a humiliating ordeal. What would anybody have done in her situation? Taken him back? Not if she has an ounce of self-respect. And she has that in pounds.

You can bet the back-room reaction in Ponte Vedra Beach will involve backsslaps and high-fives. After all, having closure on this issue can't possibly hurt Woods' chances of knocking the tarnish off his star and helping the flagging PGA Tour fortunes. TV ratings are down 16 percent this year already, according to the New York Times and Nielsen.

Now single, Woods is free to socially associate with anybody. Any. Body. The paparazzi are smiling and buying lens cleaner by the crate.

They each had to complete a four-hour online child-rearing session as part of Florida custodial process. Elin was a nanny before becoming mother to Tiger's two kids. She attended Rollins College while Tiger was on tour. Guessing it was just a tad tougher for the absentee dad to complete than mom.

Who gets the new bazzillion-dollar mansion on Jupiter Island? Elin designed much of it, never really liked Isleworth, and all of the Swedes on tour live in Jupiter. The Swedes are a tight-knit bunch. Guessing that narrows down the answer somewhat. Betting he stays based in Orlando.

According to Bloomberg, court filings indicate his full name is Eldrick Tont Woods. That could not have been easy in grade school. I swear, for the past decade, everybody thought the middle initial T. was short for Tiger. Just another bad assumption on our part about the life and times of Tiger Woods.

If you believe the rumored settlement figure and need a real-world look at what it means: Translated into career PGA Tour earnings, Elin Woods would stand at No. 1, exactly $6.27 million more than her ex-husband's earnings total.

Woods is playing this week in the FedEx Cup series opener in New Jersey. Emphasis on the Ex part.

The court charged the couple $397.50 in fees for the divorce. In the time it took to read that sentence, Tiger made that much money from Nike alone.

Somewhere, PGA Tour rookie Matt Every is reading that Tiger was relieved to get shared custody of the kids and thinking, "I got a three-month suspension for joint custory." Google it.

Newly emancipated or not, Vegas isn't envisioning a huge change in his results. The Las Vegas Hilton has Rory McIlroy listed as the favorite this week at The Barclays at 10/1, with Woods and Phil Mickelson as joint 12/1 picks. The PGA Championship marked the first time since 1997 that Woods was not favored to win a major championship.

Greg Norman and Chris Evert got divorced in Key West, far from media scrutiny. Woods and Elin opted for the other end of the state, in the semi-remote Panhandle. By the time anybody knew they were in court, it was over.
Category: Golf

Since: Nov 18, 2006
Posted on: August 24, 2010 12:31 am

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

Are you trying to excuse Elling and the tripe he writes? The rest of your rant made some sense, you could have left off the defense of Elling at the start of your diatribe, there really is no defense that sounds sane. You can dislike Woods or anyone else for that matter but to obsess about it is another story. Elling has a serious obsession and we are sick of hearing it in a golf column. The guy is just basking in the fact that he can tell his boss that indeed someone is reading his garbage even if they do hate it. It is the sorry state of sports talk radio and stuff on the net. 

Since: Nov 18, 2006
Posted on: August 24, 2010 12:22 am

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

Don't hold your breath with this dill weed. He was stiffed by Woods for an interview and he can't get over it. He is totally obsessed by the guy and can't write an article without some kind of rip on him. When Woods starts playing well again he is going to be suicidal most likely. A totally major league tool that can't help himself.

Since: Aug 21, 2006
Posted on: August 23, 2010 11:13 pm

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

First, a side note. I am beginning to think that some people who attack Elling in their comments 1) sit by their computer waiting for an article to show up from Elling, and 2) don't care what the article says, they are going to attack. Nuff said.Has to be. Elling has been very good throughout this ordeal. I think that's why the original post was removed, it was a baseless and thoughtless attack. 

Since: Oct 27, 2006
Posted on: August 23, 2010 11:06 pm

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

Ok, so be it Tiger is divorced.....Lets just hope they both can move on and be parents to their kids as that is what important...Yeah someday Tiger will have to explain to his kids what he did....Move on....

Since: Feb 2, 2008
Posted on: August 23, 2010 8:16 pm

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

Any idea why my post was removed? Too negative of the wannabe writer?

On a serious note, maybe people should be aprised of why they were removed.

Since: Feb 15, 2008
Posted on: August 23, 2010 8:09 pm

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

Elling fancies himself as a David Letterman, lots of quips and clever (he thinks) jokes at someone else's expense. That's all he gave us in this article: his Letterman/Leno impression. Yep, got to get all those witticisms in before the other hacks beat you to the punch. Starting right now, I'm going to boycott Elling's "material". And if you want to see improvements around here, follow suit. Don't click on the link. That's all that keeps him employed here, his perceived popularity.

Since: Oct 13, 2007
Posted on: August 23, 2010 7:59 pm

Sad, but not unexpected

First, a side note. I am beginning to think that some people who attack Elling in their comments 1) sit by their computer waiting for an article to show up from Elling, and 2) don't care what the article says, they are going to attack. Nuff said.

While I had hoped that Elin and Tiger could/would survive with their marriage intact, I have to admit that it didn't doesn't come unexpected. Unlike so many who insist on blaming one or the other, or even both, I'll not do that. My expectations were based on an assumption, one for which I have no proof. My assumption - that Tiger went into therapy and Elin did not. Like it or not, and I suspect the therapeutic world certainly doesn't broadcast this, when one person in a relationship goes into therapy, the odds are the relationship will end, and end to a large part as a result of the therapy. (I think I hear people saying that I am crazy Smile .) At the risk of oversimplifying, here's my thinking - right or wrong. A relationship is similar to two gears meshing as they turn. The makeup of each individual meshes with that of their partner when a relationship is successful. Well, therapy changes the makeup of a person dramatically. It's like manufacturing a whole new gear and, guess what. That gear doesn't mesh any more. Anyone who has gone through serious therapy, such that it makes a dramatic improvement in their lives, knows what I am talking about. Pretty much a person's entire "friend base" will change. Consequently, if only one person enters therapy, my expectations are the partners will find more and more that their needs are no longer compatible.

On a side note, I also believe that as a person goes through therapy, the more comfortable they are with themselves, the less they need positive affirmation from others in order to feel good. Stated another way, in my opinion, it is likely that the more Tiger changes, the less winning will matter to him.

Since: Apr 9, 2007
Posted on: August 23, 2010 7:46 pm

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

I think Tiger should load up on some anti-fungal creams as well

Since: Nov 24, 2006
Posted on: August 23, 2010 7:19 pm

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood


I'm absolutely stunned.  You have zero class and have lowered yourself to the levels of TMZ or the British tabloids.  Amazed that you have a job.

Since: Dec 2, 2008
Posted on: August 23, 2010 6:57 pm

Thoughts on Tiger and bachelorhood

What a terse and ugly article.  One of many taking cheap shots at Tiger Woods that has been typed out and uploaded by Steve Elling in these recent months.  As a golf columnist I would think maybe I could take joy in writing about golf.  Joy in the agonies and unthinkable victories that define the sport.  A sport with a twist on baseballs ability to win any game no matter what the score as long as you have an out yet.  In golf when you're down to your last nine holes your best possible score would be, well, 9 and your worst possible score is unlimited.  A cruel game, but one that most watchers have played themselves and empathize with its harshness and marvel at PGA talent. 

Instead, Elling, you have been taking joy in Tiger having to spend spend money, because you apparently have the scoop that "Woods hates spending money."  You make jokes about Tiger taking parenting classes, a staple of any divorce in virtually any state in the union, presuming you know what he feels for his children or how he cares for them and spinning off of the nasty rumors that Tiger was a monster who would have no parenting time with the children.  I hope that someday journalistic intergrity will once again take over and perhaps Elling will write sports news stories based on reported fact.  Then maybe CBSSPORTS readers won't need to be subjected Steve's personal tirade against Tiger and won't need to read stories that treat divorce and family struggles as a joke.

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or