Blog Entry

A Woman in a Man's World

Posted on: January 4, 2009 1:22 am

I’ve come out of hibernation to write a blog item that presents 2 dilemmas that I’m sure are common in the world today. One is a woman working in a man’s world, and the other is coping with interest in a man you can’t have who you also happen to see everyday on the job. My friend, who I’ll call Jill, is presented with both these dilemmas, and as it turns out, the man she can’t have is part of the problem in the man’s world too.

Jill works for a large company at a relatively high level position. She got hired about 2 years ago based on an impressive resume with years of experience and also favorable recommendations. After a short period of time, Jill’s talent was evident to her new employers, and when a higher level position became available, it was almost immediately offered to her.

I need to mention that Jill is an extremely determined person. I mention this because when she started with this particular company, she was somewhat overweight, but due to that determination of hers’, she gradually lost it all. With her new found figure, she had to buy a new wardrobe, and while she is conservative and tasteful when it comes to choosing clothes for work, she also prefers to be feminine. Nothing wrong with that, in my opinion. I personally don’t think a woman should have to sacrifice being a woman in a male dominated workplace. Anyway, she’s turning a few heads in the skirts she chooses to wear, plus, she’s an attractive woman. I’m comfortable enough with my feminity to say that, lol. She’s not complaining, mind you, because she takes the looks as compliments.

One of the heads she’s turning is a man who’s in a higher position than her. She had some dealings with him at her former position, but now their offices are not only in the same building, but on the same floor. Because he pays her this extra attention, he’s handsome, and he’s just an all-around nice guy, Jill has developed a bit of a crush on him. She’ll never do anything about it because he’s married, but she feels very awkward around him which effects their interactions. So, how does a woman or a man for that matter, handle feelings for a person they can’t have when they have dealings with them almost everyday? I’m sure it happens all the time. On a side note, he doesn’t wear his wedding ring, and I’m curious as to why some men do that. Is it because they don’t want other women to know they’re married? Is it because they don’t like being married? I just don’t get it, but I’m sure there are men on this site who can answer the question.

Now, here’s the other part of the problem with this particular man. If Jill didn’t have this crush on him, she might conclude his looks were a bit lecherous. He purposely walks a little bit behind her to see the view from back there. He’s removed himself from behind someone to watch her walk up stairs. She’s felt a presence directly behind her, and when she turned around, it was him giving her the once over. She basically ignores it because she feels uncomfortable acknowledging it in any way.

As a professional woman myself, I’m always flattered by the looks I get from men I work with or whoever. I’ve also always been of the mind that flirting is fun, and what’s the harm in stroking a man’s ego a little. In fact, because I know my talent speaks for itself, I’m not afraid to help my cause with a little bit of that harmless flirting. There are women, and men too, whose talent is limited and use their charm and looks to get ahead though, so it’s a slippery slope. Should a woman like Jill not wear becoming clothes at work, so everyone will only focus on her talent? Should she be afraid to acknowledge the attention due to the appearance of impropriety? Hopefully, I haven’t lost my readership, and this blog item will evoke some thoughtful discussion.

Category: General
Tags: Job, Men, Women

Since: Dec 1, 2008
Posted on: October 13, 2010 10:24 pm

A Woman in a Man's World by Freud

It is quite simple, the only reason not to wear a wedding ring is so that other people (strangers) don't know that you are married.
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Since: Sep 13, 2008
Posted on: July 6, 2009 12:31 am

A Woman in a Man's World

The question that begs to be asked is Jill concerned about her career?.... I surely hope so.. Nothing wrong in looking good as long as its professional and its not a billboard to suggest look at me and hope to get noticed.. Hey, I am married and don't wear my ring.. Not for any reason other than I don't wear jewelry.. Doesn't make me a bad husband but, prefer not to worry putting it down while washing my hands and walking away from it... Tell Jill not to read too much into that.. hell, I know plenty of women who don't wear their rings either.. who can say why but I hope Jill doesn;t think men are the only ones who don't...

But it seems Jill has her eye on a certain fruit from the forbidden tree.. Question is, will Jill be tempted or will she use good judgement and know that it will be a wrong move for her and for him?... Take it from some one who has seen this happen first hand and up close.. It never works out and both lives are ruin.... Tell Jill to run and don't look back.. Temptation is fire you don't want to play around with.. As Billy Joel once said in a song the closer you get the more you get burn..... Just my thoughts on that... 

Since: Feb 18, 2008
Posted on: January 19, 2009 1:24 pm

A Woman in a Man's World

  I thought sex for men was purely physical

Sex between two people in almost every case changes everything.  Men included.  Though it may not mean much from an emotional standpoint from either party, the interactions between the two parties will forever be altered.  Not trying to be a cynic, just realistic.  And nothing is ever kept confidential, some one always finds out.  This is human nature.  So, are the numerous risks worth the roll in the sack?  Probably not.  As for people not having any other option to find someone, hogwash.  If she is trying to find a meaningful relationship, that's hard work.  They don't just happen, not in real life anyway.  It starts with a date.  Someone you meet at lunch, the bar, the super market,  anyplace.  Just not at work, unless your job is not that important to you.  If she is just looking for that roll in the sack, well, she can find that anywhere.  Just don't be upset when that's all it meant.

Since: Jul 31, 2008
Posted on: January 19, 2009 11:54 am

A Woman in a Man's World

My sense is that the guy is telling Jill that he is available to her without wanting to come out and actually say it.  He likely doesn't want to make a move as a married man unless he is sure that the feeling is mutual.  He's afraid that he's reading the wrong signals and that a wrong move will disrupt his home life.    He is probably also wary about having a relationship with someone in a lower position in the company.  A wrong move could lead to a lawsuit.

I agree with most of the other posters:  It is almost always a bad idea pursuing a relationship with a coworker.  There is just too much downside.  Once she has settled that in her mind, she should find it easier to deal with him in the workplace.  She'll be able to have her fantasy without any of the tension.

Since: Dec 1, 2007
Posted on: January 18, 2009 3:02 pm

A Woman in a Man's World

Gastrapod, as I said in response to Neil, a ring being foreign to a man never occurred to me, good point. 

You threw me with the 99% of people being incapable of having a physical relationship without emotional attachment.  I thought sex for men was purely physical.  I've been told that by many men.  I do agree that ideally, any kind of relationship should be kept out of work, but sometimes it's just not possible.  I mean, let's face it, most of our waking days are spent at work, and if you're single, your only hope of meeting someone might be there.  The someone should not be married, of course, that's just morally wrong. 

NeilP, let me just add that your comment about acknowledging the attention gives pause for thought.  If she's even thinking about acknowledging it, she's thinking about doing something about it.  I guess no matter how wrong a person might realize something is, we all can't help but be human sometimes. 

Since: Dec 1, 2007
Posted on: January 18, 2009 2:53 pm

A Woman in a Man's World

NeilP, thanks for the insights.  I guess I never thought about the fact wearing rings/jewelry isn't commonplace for men.  As for how women dress, you're of course right that part of it is to look good for the opposite sex.  We all want to feel good about ourselves and looking our best is a part of that.  I personally subscribe to the adage that less is more.  I believe you can look feminine at work or wherever without revealing too much.  At work, low cut tops and short skirts don't fly with me, and I think it distracts from the job at hand. 

Since: Feb 18, 2008
Posted on: January 8, 2009 2:09 pm

A Woman in a Man's World

Where to begin here.  First the ring.  Many guys don't wear them.  they are not hiding anything, it's just alien to them.  Girls start wearing rings at an early age and get used to them.  A guy may never put one on until he is in his 30's.  After never wearing one of 30+ plus years, it can just feel uncomfortable.  In my case, I take it off each morning when I go to the gym so I don't destroy it.  Most days, with the rush to get to work on time,  I simply forget to put it back on.  Not hiding anything.  Everyone where I work knows who I am, my wife, that I have kids.  I would not look too deeply into the ring issue, it probably has little to no meaning.

As for the flirting issue.  Foolish.  99% of people are incapable of having a physical relationship with no emotional attachment.  Getting involved with co-worker is beyond idiotic, it is a down right occupational hazard.  Emotions will get in the way and someone's career will suffer.  Add into it that one party is married, and there are not enough red flags to wave.  Solution, completely  separate personal life from work.  If looking good can get you a bump up, you would be foolish not to dress good.  No different than being in shape, or having a perfect smile.  People want to have good looking individuals as a reflection of their company.  Not a tough concept.  Leave the emotional attachments at home.  Treat co-workers like co-workers, not friends.  Certainly not physical partners. 

Since: Jan 12, 2007
Posted on: January 7, 2009 10:11 pm

A Woman in a Man's World

Well, I do not profess to be the oracle here but a guy not wearing a wedding ring could be anyone of a number of things but an awful lot of women it seems want to interpret it that he is on the look out for another woman. I NEVER wear my ring, I hate rings and I am just uncomfortable wearing one, nothing more, nothing less.

The dress comments are amusing to me, why do women dress the way they do? If you are not prepared to admit you dress for attention then I think most women and indeed men are merely deluding themselves.  In a professional enviroment you absolutely need to tone down the way you dress, there is nothing wrong with being a woman but there are also levels, maybe she needs someone to have a quiet word with her ( and no I would not want to be that person either!!!)

He too needs to improve his standards of behaviour ( Maybe someone should have a word with him ) but reading between the lines here it seems to me there is a mutual attraction.. hard to tell from mere words. I don't want to be accused of double standards here his behaviour it seems is highly inappropriate.

Men and women flirt.. really!!!! LOL

There is not enough room to go into that comment here it would be a series of essays, suffice to say it makes the world go around.

Should she be afraid to acknowledge the attention due to the appearance of impropriety?

The way the question is asked makes me wonder about the whole situation, if she acknowledges it she is inviting more but maybe that is what she wants otherwise why would you acknowledge such behaviour?

Since: Dec 1, 2007
Posted on: January 7, 2009 8:51 pm

A Woman in a Man's World

Aw, Sunnysidez, I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time.  Things will get better, just give it time, I promise.  If you need a sympathetic ear, feel free to message me. 

You make a very valid point about what a guy would do in front of his wife.  If it's something he wouldn't do, he shouldn't be doing it at all. 

Since: Dec 31, 2007
Posted on: January 7, 2009 10:52 am

A Woman in a Man's World

Well we can't have our pretty ladies dressing up in mumu's all day because if that happens you know.....the terrorists win. lol

But just the actions you've described about the guy.  Looking is one thing but what he is doing (imo) tells me that he is that kind of guy.  I've just seen that type of behavior before and I would consider that crossing the line because you know damn well he wouldn't be acting that way if his wife was even in the same zip code.  Also that irriatates us recently single guys as well, no one likes fishing from a small pond.

Uh I've been better.  Just a real real poopy ending to my year the last 2 months.

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