Play Fantasy The Most Award Winning Fantasy game with real time scoring, top expert analysis, custom settings, and more. Play Now
Blog Entry

THE GOLFER confidently...

Posted on: March 27, 2008 1:52 pm
Edited on: April 24, 2008 12:44 pm

...eyed the next hole and remarked to his caddy:  "This should be good for a long drive and a putt."  His swing, however, hit the sod and pushed the ball only a few feet.

"Now," said the caddy, "for a hell of a putt."



Our regularly scheduled TEE TIME has been delayed due to weather....

Please feel free to leave a joke if you liked or even if you didn't like this one...

Category: Golf

Since: Jan 22, 2008
Posted on: April 22, 2008 9:19 am

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

It's now 7:00 in the evening and the wife is patiently looking at the clock when her husband walks through the door returning from his Saturday morning golf.  Dinner is still on the table, but cold.  She gives him a stern look, expecting the typical stupid story explaining why he's so late.

She say, " Well.... where have you been?"

Her husband says, "Well, you know every Saturday we tee off at 7:00AM with Charlie, Bill, and Fred.  Today was no different, we started on time this morning and today, the weather was even better than normal.  The balls were just jumping off the clubs; and we were all amazed how well we were scoring.  Well, we come up to the third hole, you know,  with water on the right.  I just crushed my tee shot further than I ever have.  Fred's up next, and right in the middle of his back swing he collapses on the tee.  Charlie, Bill, and I thought he was just joking around, so we waited for him to get up.  He never got up.  It turns out Fred had a heart attack right there on the third tee."

His wife now feeling a bit sorry for having all those angry thoughts says, "That's awful.  Is Fred OK?"

Her husband responds, " No Fred never recovered.  He was dead right there on the tee.

His wife asks, "So if Fred died right there early in the morning, what took you so long getting home?  Did you go with the emergency squad and visit his wife?"

"Oh, no", her husband says, "The reason why I arrived home so late was, we'd hit the ball, then we'd drag Fred".

Since: Jan 8, 2008
Posted on: April 15, 2008 9:09 am

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men's tee while another  
foursome of women is hitting from the ladies' tees. The ladies
are taking their time. When the final lady is ready to hit her
ball, she hacks it ten feet. She goes over and whiffs it     &nb
completely. Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally   
hacks it another five feet. She looks up at the patiently    &n
waiting men and says apologetically,

<o:p> </o:p>'I guess all those fckng lessons I took over the winter didn't help.      

One of the men immediately responds, 'Well, there you have it,   <o:p></o:p>

you should have taken golf lessons instead!'  <o:p></o:p>

.......He never even had a chance to duck. <o:p></o:p>

Since: Jan 8, 2008
Posted on: April 4, 2008 12:45 pm

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

Hey Hey !  IHO comes through with a dandy!  That is one I have not heard!  Thank you.  I still need more jokes!  Don't be shy!

Since: Jan 8, 2008
Posted on: April 4, 2008 12:42 pm

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

A guy is very old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,

"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"  

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you.  Pick me up!  Then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.  I'll make sure that all of your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front shirt pocket.

Then the frog s aid, "What, are you nuts?  Didn't you hear what I said?  I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."  

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Since: Jan 6, 2008
Posted on: April 4, 2008 12:29 pm
This comment has been removed.

Post Deleted by Administrator

Since: Jan 8, 2008
Posted on: April 4, 2008 12:17 pm

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

I'll keep trying..

A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "Why are all those clocks here?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks.  Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.  Every time you lie the hands on your clock move."

"Oh," replied the man, "very interesting... whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's clock," answered St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she has never told a lie."

"Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved only twice, telling us that Abe has told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Kwame Kilpatricks clock?" asked the man.
"Kwame's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

Since: Jan 8, 2008
Posted on: April 2, 2008 9:20 am

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

How about the stupid golfer that broke both of his ankles at the golf course.  Fell off the ball wash...

Since: Jan 8, 2008
Posted on: April 2, 2008 9:18 am

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

Thanks dg.  That was pretty good.  Only two responses so far.  Here's another.  Definitely an oldie, but goodie...

An inner-city youngster who had never seen a game of golf was working as a gas-station attendant when a top-of-the-line Cadillac rolled in.  While the driver left the vehicle to make a phone call, the boy examined the car and saw some golf tees on the dashboard.  "What are those things for, mister?" he asked as the man returned.

"They're to put my balls on when I'm driving."

"Gee," sighed the boy, "those Caddie people sure think of everything!"

Since: Jan 22, 2008
Posted on: March 31, 2008 12:59 pm

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

Bob, Jim, Tom, and Cal were once again beginning their early Saturday round.  The first hole parallels the Oakbrook's entrance drive; and as the foursome tee's-off the president of the Oakbrook is driving along the entrance drive.  Bob's drive is a vicious hook and heads straight for the president car; smashing the windshield causing him to lose control crashing into one of the trees.  The president gets out of his car bleeding a little from the forehead and awaits the foursome to reach their ball.  As Bob walks up to the president, the club president begins yelling at Bob, "You stupid SOB, look what you did to my car!".  What are you going to do about this?" 

Bob reaches in his bag and says, "I figure if I roll my thumb a little more to the left  .  .  ."

Since: Jan 8, 2008
Posted on: March 31, 2008 8:58 am

THE GOLFER confidently eyed...

Thanks plummerz - I am adding another joke today, but not golf related.  I hope you like it!


Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club.  The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Bob! How ya doin?"  His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Bob. "He's on my bowling team."  When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.  His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, "How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"  I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud  at the end of the 1st nine, honey."  A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob,  starts to rub herself all over him and says, "Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"  Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.  Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.  Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.  She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, "Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time."

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or