Blog Entry

State of the Reds Address

Posted on: August 14, 2008 1:20 pm

Today (today, today, today), I consider my team, the Cincinnati Reds, the worst team on the face of the earth. 

First, we signed Dusty Baker to manage the team.  It wasn't my first choice...well, let's face it...he never even got my consideration, but I wasn't the Reds GM, and still not.  I was willing to give him a shot even though I was warned by a couple of my friends who had to endure his stay in Chicago a few years back. 

We did sign Francisco Cordero; a big improvement to our bullpen. 

But, come spring training, strange things were afoot.  We signed Corky Patterworthless to a 1-year $3M contract despite having Freel and Hopper already for CF, AND Jay Bruce ready to come up.  Given last year's performance, Hopper seemed like a shoe-in as the starting CF and leadoff hitter if Bruce didn't get called up.  "No way Patterson will make the roster", I thought, "He hasn't done shit his entire career".  We also signed Paul Bako and Jerry Hairston, Jr.- all at Baker's request (I refer to them as "Dusty's Boyz").  Bako?  A third catcher?  No way, right?!  Hairston?  Where does he fit in?  We'll see...

Come opening day, the active 25 man roster included Corky Outterson, Paul Bako, and Todd Coffey.  Coffey?  Really?  I'm sure he's a hell of a nice guy, but he's too nice to opposing hitters.  Bako, Valentin...David Ross (on the DL), who will go when Ross comes off the DL?...turns out it we decided to carry 3 catchers, all of whom can't really hit, throw, or catch real well...but Ross was the better of the three (I'll get back to that one).

So, Corky Pattycake (Baker's man) is slotted in CF and leads off for the first 2 long months of the season, his average drops down to the .190's, and Arroyo's hitting better than he his.  Griffey, hitting .235 - .245 most of the season hits 3rd, so 2 of our first 3 hitters basically, were pretty much welcomed by opposing  pitchers, who often resemble Sandy Koufax or Walter Johnson when facing the Reds.

Also, Wayne Krivsky (Reds GM) was fired and Walt Jocketty stepped in as the Reds new General Manager. 

Adam Dunn slumps at the beginning of the season, but starts smacking the ball around and was well on his way to another 40HR, 100RBI year.  How do we thank him?  We trade him to Arizona for a bag of cotton candy (blueberry even-yuk!), and some knee pads for Corky Pattershit and his late night showers with Dusty Baker. 

Aaron Harang hasn't been the same since that infamous night in San Diego when Busty put him in to pitch 4 innings on 2 days rest.  I guess he can join the list with Mark Prior and Kerry Wood of pitchers that Busty has ruined. 

Corky has managed stay on the team, with Freel, Hopper, and Hairston (by the way was tearing it up - at least one of Dusty's Boyz did something) all hurt. 

So, basically, the front office seems to be giving up on this team, who once was hopeful to contend.  I guess Walt Joke-ity took Busty's advice.  After all, it was Busty who said, "this ain't my team, Krivsky put this team together.  I just hope we can bring in some players to help this team win."  Yeah, you're right, Krivsky put this team together...INCLUDING HIRING YOU, YOU FUCKIN' DUMBASS!!!!!


 We keep douchebags like Patterson, Majewski, Bako, we get rid of Dunn and just recently, David Ross, the only catcher on the team who could throw anybody out.  What's next?!  We sign another one of Busty's favorites, Neifi Perez, to a lifetime $10M a year contract??!!  We might as well, we won't win with that incompetent baffoon managing. 

And as for the Griffey trade, it was kinda overdue, but we got NOTHING for it...just like for Dunn.  And we're still paying Stanton.  Ain't that a bitch?

So, in closing, my opinion is that the Reds season was over long ago and the future looks bleak at best.  And what we need is for someone to come in and NOT continue what looks like the beginning of a fire sale.  We need someone to clean out THE FRONT OFFICE!!! 

I have just the person for suggestion....

Category: MLB
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