MLB Commissioner Bug Selig announced in a stunning move to day that he would be stripping the American League of all World Series it has won since 1973. The reason,. he said, was the use of the DH.
"We at the Commissioner's office fianally came to the realization that the use of the Designated Hitter is just plain silly. It goes against baseball. Its just stupid," said Selig in a press conference this morning. Established in 1973, the Designated Hitter is an AL only rule that allows a manager to have a player hit for one of his position players, usually the pitcher.
Former Yankee and current Dodger skipper Joe Torre said, "Yeah, I think it was about time we did away with this one. I was tired of marching Giambi's swollen head to the plate. I never really liked the rule in the first place." Giambi was not available for comment as he was recieving tratment for an intestenal parasite.
"I do get to keep my rings, right?" Torre added.
Stunned AL fans across the nation are up in arms over the decision but Selig doesn't seem to care. "This will finally level the playing field. No more rule differences between the lagues. it will add an element of fairness to interleague play as well. As for the fans, I never really cared for them in the first place. The AL fans can suck it."
A stunned Terry Francona exclaimed, "You mean I have to put Ortiz at first night in and night out now? What am I going to do?!?" Ortiz was unavailable for comment as his mouth was full of hamburger.
Starting ater the All Star break, AL teams will no longer be able to use to DH. Instead, all nine position players will have to bat just like they have always done in the real baseball of the National League. Baseball purists around the country are celebrating this victory and a return to a unified league.