(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)
Now that the D.P. has settled some in house issues, we proudly bring you right before the Week 7 games are about to be played ... the results of our Week 5 Flop 10 Poll. This week, we feature absolutely no new members of our exclusive club of suckiness, however, we do have major shuffling within the ten teams, including one who remarkably fell 7 spots not by beating the Patriots or some juggernaut, but a fellow Flop 10 member. Anyway, without further adieu (especially since this is a week and a half late), the Week 5 edition of the NFL Flop 10.
*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A. Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th. And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).
Also receiving votes: Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2 (Jerry Friedman of the Milwaukee Daily Brat poses, "How do you vote for a team that is 3-2 you ask? By watching that team get blown out by 45 points after struggling against the Colts, that's how."), Cleveland Browns 18 (Mary Weatherby of the Cleveland Shady Dealer states, "The Browns fell on my ballot this week, but that was only because they didn't play."), Atlanta Falcons 45 (Nicholas Formation of the Rajun Cajun Gazette quips, "If this team loses to the Panthers next week, I expect to see them crack the overall Flop 10."), Carolina Panthers 80 (Samantha King of the Denver Mile High Snooze opines, "You have to give the Panthers credit. They'd crack an NFL Top 10 Poll of interesting and exciting teams. Eventually, though, they have to start translating some of these into W's.")
Number 10 - Kansas City Chiefs (2-3) 91 Nancy Holderman of the Green Bay Times proposes, "Two wins in a row has nearly washed away the stench of the Chiefs horrible start. Nearly. Unfortunately those three losses were so bad, they remain a Flop 10 team."
Number 9 - Minnesota Vikings (1-4) 143 Larry Masterson of the Washington (D.C.) Monumental Press decries, "Stop the presses! The Vikings held on to a halftime lead. Next thing you'll tell me is that Congress lowered the deficit."
Number 8 - Seattle Seahawks (2-3) 156 Morgan Wexler of the San Francisco Seismic Monitor wonders, "Hard to imagine a team with Tarvaris Jackson as a staring QB being capable of winning 40% of its games."
Number 7 - Denver Broncos (1-4) 180 Lisa Trombetti of the Chicago Moon Times writes, "John Fox had been avoiding Tim Tebow like the plague all season long, as though afflicted by Josh McDaniels Syndrome. But now, Kyle Orton has forced his hand, and they now look silly not dealing him to the Dolphins this preseason when he had value."
Number 6 - Philadelphia Eagles (1-4) 294 Emily Hirschbeck of the Philadelphia Perspirer claims, "The nightmare season for the Dream Team continues, proving once again that fantasy football only works amongst 12 drunk friends."
Number 5 - Arizona Cardinals (1-4) 381 Eric Xavier of the Houston Cowboy ponders, "I guess the only difference between Derrick Anderson and Kevin Kolb is that Kolb doesn't laugh on the sidelines as he's being blown out."
Number 4 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-4) 481 (1) Stanley Ulrich of the Pittsburgh Steel Miner reports, "One has to wonder how many more days or losses it will take Jack Del Rio to be sent down the river. This team continues to play as though it's up ****-creek without a paddle."
Number 3 - Indianapolis Colts (0-5) 538 (14) Amanda Passenkick of the Miami Beach Spotlight laments, "I almost feel bad voting the Colts first, especially since they've shown life after Curtis Painter began starting, but if you look at the hard numbers, the fact is the Colts have lost by worse margins against worse opponents than the Dolphins."
Number 2 - Miami Dolphins (0-4) 545 (13) Terrance Cooper of the Atlanta Dirty South Press points out, "How bad is it for the Miami Dolphins? By far the worse team remaining on their schedule is the Denver Broncos. Could the Detroit Lions have company in the 0-16 club?"
Number 1 - St. Louis Rams (0-4) 621 (37) Johnathan Lumpkin of the Los Angeles Periodical says, "This team is so bad, they somehow managed to look horrible on their bye week."
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