Tag:Rick Buchanan
Posted on: November 3, 2011 10:22 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:33 am

NBA Owners Hire Patrick Ewing For P.R. In Lockout

D.P. Wire Report 11/3/11 7:34p.m.

A stunning development occurred in the NBA impasse today.  No, not that talks will resume to get nowhere on Saturday of all days.  Rather, the shocking news is that the owners, if an effort to get fans on their side in the dispute and put pressure on the players to cave in completely give a little more ground have hired Patrick Ewing as their new Lockout Public Relations Spokesperson.  Besides the obvious affront to current NBA players, who have dubbed Ewing as the biggest sellout since M.C. Hammer, owners are counting on his way with words to sway the public.  At a press conference announcing the move, NBA general counsel Rick Buchanan hopes to revitalize one of Ewing's most infamous quotes.  "Our slogan will be, sure we make a lot of money, but we spend a lot of money on these greedy players, too."  To which, D.P. NBA insider Johnathan Lumpkin of the Los Angeles Periodical retorted, "You do realize that was one of the dumbest things to ever come out of somebody's mouth, right?"  "Oh, he'll sway the public, all right," Bob Stapleton of the Oklahoma City Tornado added, "just not the way the owners want it."  In other news at the NBA press conference, the two finalists for the slogan for the 2011 - 2012 NBA season were revealed.  "We're down to, 'The NBA, It's Ban-tastic!' and 'The NBA, Where Amazingly Short Seasons Happen,'" Commissioner David Stern told reporters.

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