Tag:Stephen Ross
Posted on: October 26, 2011 12:57 am
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:27 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 7 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

After an interesting week 7 that saw yet more teams come back from 10+ halftime deficits, you also had such high flying shootouts as the Cleveland Browns versus the Seattle Seahawks and the Monday Night debacle that could only be classified as football because of the punters, Josh Scobee, and Maurice Jones-Drew putting it around after his 20 drops.  How miserable was it?  Just three of Scobee's kicks outdistanced the ENTIRE Ravens offense.  Making it hard this week is the fact that only 15 teams in the NFL have a record of 3-3 or worse.  That means 17 teams possess winning records at the moment.  Anyway, this week we finally bid adieu to former permanent resident the Kansas City Chiefs, and last week's newcomer Cleveland.  They make way to welcome back familiar faces, the Philadelphia Eagles, and the Seattle Seahawks.  And now, the Disassociated Press proudly presents, the week 7 NFL's Flop 10.

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Tennessee Titans 3 (Matthew Newsome of the Nashville Distiller laments, "It's bad enough that Chris Johnson has that huge new contract holding him back, but one of this team's bright spots so far this season, their defense, was suddenly eclipsed."), Kansas City Chiefs 7 (Pyle O'Pooh of the Fulton County Fullofit notes, "It's both disheartening and encouraging at the same time that the defense scored as many points as the offense.  The reason rumors were swirling of Carson Palmer getting the nod for the Raiders despite not playing in a year was not because they wanted to see what they got for two high draft picks, but because they knew what they didn't have in Kyle Boller."), Washington Redskins 15 (Thadeus Party of the D.C. Republicrat wonders, "If the answers are John Beck and Rex Grossman, do you really want to know the question?"), Cleveland Browns 56 (Leslie Bianchi of the Sacramento Wasp points out, "Each team in this contest scored a point for about every 7 minutes of ball possession, with the Browns holding just over a 2 to 1 edge.  The Saints scored a point for about every minute on the game clock ... by themselves.")

Number 10 - Philadelphia Eagles (2-4) 72 Pierre LaRoche of the Toronto Maple Syrup informs us, "You almost feel bad for the Eagles.  I mean, they didn't lose.  But then again, teams 'above' them not only not lost, but won."

Number 9 - Carolina Panthers (2-5) 102 Bull Lee of the New Orleans Times-Piconyou states, "Managed to stay off a lot of ballots early by losing close and exciting.  Will leave more ballots if they put together back-to-back wins."

Number 8 - Denver Broncos (2-4) 205 Arthur Pendragon of the San Diego Round Table says, "John Fox needs to get over the fact that he inherited Tim Tebow and find out just what he has.  Lost in Tebow's horrid performance for the first 55 minutes, was the nearly equally horrid playcalling that had the kid handcuffed worse than a capital murderer.  If Tebow is going to be damned, he needs to be damned for what he is, not what the coaching staff is forcing him to not be."

Number 7 - Jacksonville Jaguars (2-5) 249 Erin Livingston of the Houston Chronically Misinformed says, "Nothing says inept quite like the fact that I had as many first downs as the Ravens offense in the first half.  Jacksonville rode this and overcame M.J.D.'s fumbleitis to a stunning win against what many thought was a top 5 team."

Number 6 - Seattle Seahawks (2-4) 271 Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable writes, "Last week I pointed out the winner of the Browns versus Seahawks game would be 3-3 and likely out of the Flop 10.  Well, in a game where neither team played like a winner, they both remained on my ballot."

Number 5 - Minnesota Vikings (1-6) 402 Albert Letterman of the Minneapolis Metro-Gnome proclaims, "Stop me if you've heard this one before.  So the Vikings walk into a locker room with a halftime lead ..."

Number 4 - Arizona Cardinals (1-5) 433 Emily Hirschbeck of the Philadelphia Perspirer opines, "Just imagine how much worse the Eagles would be if they hadn't jettisoned Kevin Kolb."

Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-6) 535 (5) Bill Crosby of the Windy City Gale-ery professes, "On a team full of celebrity minority owners, it figures the season would play out like a soap opera.  Now Tony Sparano is left twisting and turning worse than he did during owner Stephen Ross' ill-conceived effort to get Jim Harbaugh.  It's now likely a matter of time before they cut ties."

Number 2 - St. Louis Rams (0-6) 592 (15) Robert Moss of the Archway Journal pens, "Step right up, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, as Josh McDaniels proudly presents, 'The Lamest Show On Turf.'  Yes, witness an offense so offensive, that a 10 point performance earns a spot right in between the bearded lady and the one-eyed man."

Number 1 - Indianapolis Colts (0-7) 633 (45) Doc Tor-Jones of the Indy Snakeoil Gazette chimes in, "The only thing missing from the Colts performance Sunday night, other than their entire defense ... and offense, was Dan Orlovsky running out of the back of the endzone."

D.P. Archives:
10/23/11 D.P. NFL Week 6 Flop 10 Poll
10/22/11 D.P. NFL Week 5 Flop 10 Poll (belated)
10/20/11 D.P. Announces End Of Production Strike
10/6/11 Predictions of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse
10/4/11 D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again


Posted on: October 4, 2011 10:22 pm
Edited on: November 6, 2011 9:10 am
 

D.P. NFL Week 4 Flop 10 Poll

(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)

After an exciting week 4 of NFL action in which two NFC East teams blew 20 point leads, this week's Flop 10 poll features some shuffling, but not much checking in or checking out.  The only team leaving is the Cincinnati Bengals, and they are being replaced by the Arizona Cardinals.  So, without further ado, the unveiling of the NFL Week 4 Flop 10*

*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A.  Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th.  And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).

Also receiving votes: Atlanta Falcons 1 (Rachel Montgomery of the Tacoma Mountain Press offers, "Sorry, but any team who nearly makes Tarvaris Jackson look like a hero maintains a Top 10 spot."), Carolina Panthers 11 (Scott Johnston of the Tampa Post-Dispatch chimes, "Have you ever seen a fan base more excited over a 1-3 team?  It looks like the wins should start coming, just don't know if it will be this year."), Cleveland Browns 26 (Thomas Hudson of the Cincinnati Inquisitioner opines, "I tried pulling the ol' appendicitis to get more money trick with my boss.  Like Peyton Hillis, all it got me was a reduced work load and tighter deadlines.")

Number 10 - Arizona Cardinals (1-3) 54 Shelly Kingston of the Glendale Republic writes, "Victor Cruz giving himself up was nothing compared to the Cardinals defense giving themselves up on the last drive of the game."

Number 9 - Philadelphia Eagles (1-3) 118 Henry Ebert of the San Jose Venus Flytrap states, "For blowing a 20 point lead against the San Francisco 49ers, the Philadelphia Eagles win the NFL first quarter most overhyped team award.  The way that defense is playing, Cream Team might have been a more apropos moniker for them."

Number 8 - Seattle Seahawks (1-3) 204 Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable proclaims, "Scored nearly half of their season point total against the Falcons, which is more of an indicator of the Falcons defense than the capabilities of this team."

Number 7 - Denver Broncos (1-3) 245 Samantha King of the Denver Mile High Snooze reports, "Last week I gave the definition of insanity and applied it to some of coach John Fox's playcalling.  Now I will talk about patterns.  This week, when asked about using the Tim Tebow package in short yardage, Fox responded, 'That, and we did it once and we lost yardage.  That wasn’t all on him by any stretch, but it didn’t prove to be beneficial, so we went in a different direction.'  Um, coach, one time does not a pattern make.  However running 6 times and gaining 5 yards in a crucial drive against the Titans does a pattern make.  Kyle Orton's shaky play has done nothing to quell the Broncos faithful from calling for Tebow.  If Fox doesn't get things moving in the right direction, the next thing Broncos fans will call for, is the coach's head."

Number 6 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-3) 326 Larry Ewing of the Jacksonville Gator Times wonders, "Cutting David Garrard right before the season started now appears to be the last act of a desperate man.  Jack Del Rio might soon find his saddle blazing, and the axe falling."

Number 5 - Indianapolis Colts (0-4) 422 Paul Robisky of the St. Petersburg Senior Ledger confesses, "Last week I claimed Curtis Painter would need to produce the Sistine Chapel for the Colts.  While his performance was not museum worthy, it wasn't refrigerator worthy either.  The Colts offense at least more closely resembled the Colts offense of old.  Still, take away two big plays by Pierre Garcon, and Painter had a rough go of it, especially in crunch time.  With the game on the line, Josh Freeman excelled and Curtis crumbled.  Next week's game against the Kansas City Chiefs might be their best shot at exiting the 'Suck for Luck' sweepstakes for a while."

Number 4 - Kansas City Chiefs (1-3) 425 Rob Stone of the Kansas City Constitution notes, "Take heart, Minnesota Vikings fans.  At least you didn't blow a halftime lead this time.  Baby steps.  Baby steps.  Still, this team does not resemble anything that could win another division title."

Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-4) 548 (14) Paul Kennedy of the Long Island Register says, "How does that song of theirs go?  'Miami Dolphins.  Miami Dolphins.  Miami Dolphins really suck?'  Owner Stephen Ross gave the dreaded vote of confidence to head coach Tony Sparano saying, 'He remains the right coach for this team.'  Yeah, if you're planning on throwing this year away to draft Andrew Luck to replace Chad Henne."

Number 2 - Minnesota Vikings (0-4) 591 (22) Jessica Addison of the St. Paul Twin Cities Daily Journal laments, "As the old adage in professional wrestling goes, in order to be the man, you have to beat the man.  Well, the Vikings are clearly the worst team in the NFL after outsucking the Kansas City Chiefs who were being outscored by an average of just over 27 points per game before getting their first 'W' of the season.  Coach Leslie Frazier needs to seriously Ponder if it's not the correct time to bench Donovan McNabb, or relieve Bill Musgrave of some of his responsibilities.  Even Mike Martz figured out the balance thing this week.  The Vikings still haven't in 4."

Number 1 - St. Louis Rams (0-4) 601 (29) Tim Danielson of the Denver Journal points out, "At least Broncos fans can take some small solace in seeing how much Josh McDaniels is setting Sam Bradford back."

D.P. Archives:
10/01/11 The 2011 MLB Disassociated Team of the Year Award
9/27/11 D.P. Week 3 NFL Flop 10 Poll
9/27/11 "@JoeyCora, you're fired! #pinkslip"
9/26/11 Gopher Engineering Students To Fix Things Again

 
 
 
 
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com