(Results independently verified by the accounting firm of Dewey, Cheetam, and Howe)
So, here it is after week 3 of the NFL season, and while our more popular cousins give you the Top 25 in college football, we here at the D.P. realized the need for there to be a Poll for professional football. Sure, most everything is decided on the field, but still there's that gray area of who really is better, the Green Bay Packers, or the Detroit Lions. Well, you'll be getting none of that from us, as instead, we bring you those 10 teams who are the ones most capable of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. And to the bottom two teams of this week's poll, I hear the ACC is still looking to expand. So here they are, the NFL's Week 3 Flop 10*
*The Flop 10 is voted on by 65 D.P. writers, two from each NFL city plus one from Los Angeles, just because it's L.A. Teams get 10 points for a first place vote down to 1 for a 10th. And the team in first is the biggest Flop (first place votes in parenthesis, just like this text).
Also receiving votes: Carolina Panthers 6 (Jason Bolin of the Boston Hemisphere writes "This week the Panthers proved they could win dirty, by actually playing in that mudhole after the monsoon blew through), Atlanta Falcons 9 (Scott Johnston of the Tampa Post-Dispatch chimes, "Maybe Rich McKay can institute rules changes next year that will allow Matt Ryan to legally throw while his butt is in contact with the turf"), Chicago Bears 34 (Catherine McCovey of the Seattle Coffeetable opines, "I've seen better balance displayed by someone blowing a .10 on a D.U.I. stop than I've seen from the Bears offense this year.")
Number 10 - Denver Broncos (1-2) 65 Samantha King of the Denver Mile High Snooze reports, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. Maybe somebody can explain that to John Fox who after being gifted the ball deep in Tennessee territory and a first down via an offsides penalty, executes 7 plays, one incompletion, and 6 Willis McGahee runs for 5 yards, the last of which was him being stuffed yet again on fourth and goal."
Number 9 - Philadelphia Eagles (1-2) 117 Dan Freeman of the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Gazette chimes in, "Dream team, huh? Yeah, I saw a lot of this during this past N.B.A. season, too."
Number 8 - Cincinnati Bengals (1-2) 186 Stacy Billingsly of the Lexington Post Position pens, "The Bengals in their last 2 games have converted third downs at a rip roaring 9.5% efficiency, causing many Bengals fans to convert which channel is appearing on their television screens."
Number 7 - Jacksonville Jaguars (1-2) 247 Johnathan Lumpkin of the Los Angeles Periodical states, "The good news for the Jaguars, they hired cloud seeders before the game and held Cam Newton to his first sub 400 yard passing game. The bad news, it looks like Tim Leiweke paid off Jack Del Rio to shelve his own passing game this year."
Number 6 - Seattle Seahawks (1-2) 308 Clark Isner of the Duval County Register proclaims, "Despite defeating the Arizona Cardinals, by virtue of the Jaguars benching Luke McCown, the Seahawks sport the worst starting QB in the NFL. Yet, remarkably, they remain on pace for their second straight NFC West title."
Number 5 - Indianapolis Colts (0-3) 403 Paul Robisky of the St. Petersburg Senior Ledger confesses, "The Colts come into Tampa Bay looking for Curtis Painter to produce the Sistine Chapel. Unfortunately for Indianapolis fans, what he produces will more likely resemble a preschooler's finger drawing. Still you have to admire the fact that on Sunday night they appeared to not want to be in the 'Suck for Luck' sweepstakes."
Number 4 - Minnesota Vikings (0-3) 462 Jennifer Hochuli of the New York Daily Post proclaims, "I haven't seen a disappearing act this good since I saw Criss Angel in Las Vegas. And somebody's definitely mind-freaking the Vikings coaching staff, especially offensive coordinator Bill Musgrave."
Number 3 - Miami Dolphins (0-3) 510 (1) Hugh Nevins of the Indianapolis Reaction asserts, "If Dolphins head coach Tony Sparano doesn't figure out soon what is wrong with his team, he'll soon be experiencing the Tony Soprano sensation where his season gets cut off mid"
Number 2 - St. Louis Rams (0-3) 583 (3) Lisa Trombetti of the Chicago Moon Times points out, "Things have gotten so bad for the once proud NFL state, that today, Sen. Claire McCaskill (D) introduced a piece of legislation officially requesting the state officially be renamed 'Misery.'"
Number 1 - Kansas City Chiefs (0-3) 645 (61) Rob Stone of the Kansas City Constitution writes, "When can a defending NFL division champ have a moral victory? When you are this year's version of the Kansas City Chiefs."
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