San Diego Chargers , you should be very thrilled to find out that you have won the 2009 AFC West before pre-season has even started. How you ask? I'll tell you! Watching from the comforts of sunny Southern California, you'll get to see the Oakland Circus Raiders tank a draft by drafting for speed and also spend all of their money on a kicker, Sebastian Janakowski, and a cornerback, Nnamdi Asomugha which results in another pitiful 4-12 season. Darren McFadden and JaMarcus Russell will still be unable to figure out the Raiders offense under Tom Cable and, the Raiders have built a men's track team with Michael Mitchell, Darrius Heyward-Bey, and Johnnie Lee Higgins .
The Chiefs have declared themselves in rebuilding mode with the exit of Tony Gonzalez , the only consistent offensive player to play for Kansas City in the last ten years. Larry Johnson and Priest Holmes need not apply for that title and I'm sure you would understand why. I can't tell you who is even going to throw to Dwayne Bowe this upcoming season, but I can tell you I expect his production to drop unless they find someone else to take the pressure off of Bowe. The Chiefs will probably end up with a 5-11 season, but be the closest team to give the Chargers a run for their money.
And now to the Denver Broncos , they have decided to take a page out of Al Davis' book, and destroy one of the storied franchises of the league. With the results of the draft, it looks like they have traded Jay Cutler away for nothing. Initially it had look like a good deal for both the Broncos and the Bears , but Coach McDaniels has it figured out that he will try to see how deep he can bury the Broncos before anyone in Denver realizes it. They went and got another running back, reminiscent of the Mike Shannan days, just herding a farm of running backs to fill the backfield, I guess the Broncos never got the memo that you can only deploy two running backs at any given time in the same play. The Broncos have owned as many running backs as Michael Jackson has had nose jobs, and that alone should be a scary thought. No one knows what the make of their team is supposed to look like, but if you want to get a synopsis of what's ahead again refer to the Oakland Raiders.
There you have it San Diego, you still have LaDainian Tomlinson and Darren Sproles who will probably run all over the AFC West. Shawne Merriman will be back to help your defense, and who knows you may be on your way to a 16-0 season by default. Thank you Oakland, Kansas City, and Denver for possibly taking over the NFC West's title of worst division in the league, the Cardinals , 49ers , Rams , and Seahawks are very greatful.
Dry, and sarcastic, on the rocks but not stirred. How else?