Posted by Adam Jacobi
The end of March Madness is always a bittersweet occasion. On one hand, it'll be five long months for fans of major college athletics before the football season kicks off, and seven months before the ball is tipped and there you are again. Sure, there are pro sports going on, but seven-game playoff rounds? Who's got time for that?
On the other hand, the end of the NCAA Tournament means the beginning of a different, wonderful tourney: the Name of the Year competition. Every year, 64 actual, documented names are put up for round-by-round voting, with one name to reign supreme. Why yes, there is a bracket.
(click image for full-size in new window; image via NameOfTheYear.blogspot.com)
As you can see, college football has contributed some of these names. Superstar South Carolina recruit Jadeveon Clowney is a 7-seed in the Chrotchtangle region, squaring off against the always dangerous Charlie Soap. There's also LSU defensive lineman A'Trey-U Jones, plus a number of recruits: Arkansas commit Quinta Funderburk, Ole Miss recruit Philander Jones, and uncommitted 2012 cornerback recruit Leviticus Payne. Also, LSU defensive end Barkevious Mingo rode a wave of support from Every Day Should Be Saturday to take the 2009 NOTY title. So this is totally relevant to college football, you see.
Sadly, though, we don't think that kind of popular support will be there for Clowney this year. While his name is cool and he is an absolutely terrifying propsect, it's not nearly silly enough to muscle past the likes of La'Peaches Pitts, Solo Alone, or the utterly preposterous Taco B.M. Monster. We're sure Clowney will settle for the consolation prize of demolishing the SEC and getting drafted in the first round of the NFL. Which he will.
Past that, we have a few observations.
- Why is Monsterville Horton IV allowed? Not "allowed in the tournament," I mean; his bona fides are clear. I mean "allowed to put a Roman numeral at the end of a name that says Monsterville in it." Shouldn't the progression go, like, New Monsterville, West Palm Monsterville, Monsterville Heights...?
- Jihad Larry is criminally underseeded at 11. He's going to be the VCU of this tournament.
- And on that note, where's Shaka Smart? Didn't make the cut? Ironic, I suppose.
- Rev. Demon Sox should seriously consider changing his name. To Rev. Demon Socks, I mean. Got to teach the kids that spelling matters.
- Quardrophenia Taylor's first name is positively quardrophenomenal. She and Dr. Loveday Conquest ought to trade last names. Quardrophenia Conquest! You can't tell me that's not a winner.
- Yolanda Supersad is inexplicably only a 15-seed. That makes me sad. Very sad. More than very sad. If only there were a word that adequately conveyed the super level of pure sadness I feel at her seeding. Alas, no such word exists, either in the dictionary or the imagination of man.
So... who's your winner?