Posted by Adam Jacobi
Earlier today, Florida fans were jarred by an announcement on the Facebook page of Gator LB Chris Martin that he had been booted from the football team. That would indeed be an unexpected and unwelcome development for Martin, since he was one of the top-rated OLB recruits in the nation and had transferred to the Gators from California just last summer.
But alas, the joke is on people who took Martin at his word, because he posted shortly thereafter that he was only making an early April Fool's joke (a fact later confirmed by sources in the football team), so we're all the fools here, and certainly not Martin for wasting everybody's time and attention.
Unfortunately, this is just the latest iteration in a pattern of unacceptable behavior from people named Chris Martin. Here's a brief list of recent transgressions against humanity, ranked in order of intolerability:
- Made a baby with Gwyneth Paltrow and named it "Apple"
- Disbanded Kid 'n Play
- Probably was the one who convinced Paltrow to inflict her singing career on unsuspecting American populace
- Sold prescription drugs out of a motel room
- Lied to fans about leaving Florida
- Started popular falsetto enthusiast band Coldplay
- Actually transferred from California
Shameful, Chrises Martins of the world. Simply shameful.