Category:NFL
Posted on: October 24, 2012 11:12 am
 

Cam Newton at 23

You should compare the 23 year old Cam Newton to how these quarterbacks were doing at 23:

- Eli Manning was 1-6, and had major problems calling a game.  He would get to the line with 20 seconds left on the clock, and take 30 seconds to make his adjustments.  He simply did not have the mental capacity at 23 to be an NFL quarterback
- Matthew Stafford's second year he could only stay healthy for 3 games.  Multiple multiple arm injuries put a major cloud over his future
- Ron Mexico at 23 played 4 games, got his coach fired, and wasn't allowed to throw the ball
- Carson Palmer didn't start an NFL game until he was 25
- Drew Bledsoe at 23:  13 TDs, 16 ints, 11 fumbles
- Troy Aikman at 23 was 0-11
- John Elway completed 47% of his passes on a losing team
- Terry Bradshaw's numbers make Ryan Leaf look competent
- Drew Brees looked so good the Chargers drafted Rivers
- Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers weren't even playing
- Kurt Warner was an Iowa Barnstormer
- Tom Brady was 3rd string
- Tony Romo was 4th string
- Brent Farve was a fat drunk lazy alcoholic who had just been traded
- Johnny Unitas, arguably the greatest quarterback player to ever play the game - had just been cut, and was backing up George Shaw (who?)



Compared to some of the greatest quarterbacks today and in history, Cam Newton's 23 year old second season compares VERY well
Posted on: October 4, 2011 9:59 am
Edited on: January 30, 2012 11:14 am
 

Stupid stuff I hear from broadcasters

This will be a running tally of stupid shit broadcasters say

- "I love to see big bodies banging" - John Gruden
- "Michael Vick is terrible" - Bill Cowher
- "BLUBBLUBLUBLUB HUBBIDA HAHAHAHA BLUBBLUB BLUB!!!!!" - Shannon Sharpe
- "Auburn is 8-0 when both Cadillac Williams and Ronnie Brown rush for 100 yards" - Auburn was 11-0 at the time, making this the most useless statistic I've ever heard
- "If there was a vote in Minnesota right now, he'd get all ten thousand votes.  One for each lake" - Al Michaels during Christian Ponder's debut
- "Now he'd only get ninety six hundred votes" - Al Michaels after Christian Ponder's first incompletion
- "They need to get Reggie Bush in space?!?  Reggie Bush needs to get himself in space!  You're in space!!!!  Outer space!" - John Gruden freaking out on Ron Jaworski
- "Watch him squirt through the hole... and unLOAD!" - John Gruden, being gay over Maurice Jones-Drew
- "The running back is really important in this offense because they put a lot of pressure on him to run" - Phil Simms
- "I fell in love with this guy" - Brian Billick being gay over Patrick Peterson
- LSU quarterback throws the ball 30 yards to an LSU receiver for a completion - "and its.... INTERCEPTED!!!!" - Verne Lundquist
- "I like James Starks because he's a guy who can come in and make things happen" - Kordell Stewart talking about an uncoming Packers Lions game.  James Starks had already been ruled out with a knee sprain
- "Joe Flacco is as mobile as any quarterback in the league right now" - Chirs Collinsworth
- Brent Musberger on Joe Paterno:  "Noone, other than the kids who were molested, felt worse about it than he did" 
- "In the last 10 years, UConn and Pitt are tied with 6 Big East Championships a piece"

Category: NFL
Posted on: September 29, 2011 3:52 pm
 

NFL all-injury team

QB – Chad Pennington
QB – Matthew Stafford
HB – Priest Holmes
HB – Fragile Fred Taylor
FB – John Ritchie (always bleeding)
WR – Anthony Gonzalez
WR – Danario Alexander
WR – Javon Walker
TE – Todd Heap
TE – Jeremy Shockey (yahoo sports once updated his injury status by calling him a “constipated geriatric”)
LT – Orlando Pace, the later years
LG – Robert Gallery
C – Mike Webster (declared legally handicapped while still playing for the Chiefs)
RG – Mike Utley (3 major injuries before breaking his neck)
RT – Erik Williams
DE – John Abraham
DE – Steve Emtman
DT – Tommie Harris
DT – Bryant Young
OLB – Peter Bowlware
OLB – Ernie Sims
MLB – Brian Urlacher
CB – Terrance Newman
CB – Marlin Jackson
FS – Mike Brown
SS – Bob Sanders
K – Bill Gramatica
P – Daniel Sepulveda
KR – Jerious Norwood
LS – Greg Warren (the only injury that ever made me ill watching it – Warren is walking off the field under his own power, and his leg goes SIDEWAYS at the knee.  Gross!)

Posted on: August 10, 2011 10:06 am
 

Mike Shanahan without John Elway

It is said that Mike Shanahan couldn't win without John Elway.  People who say that are idiots.

Mike Shanahan made Brian Griese, Jake Plummer, and Jay Cutler look like good quarterbacks

The Broncos went 11-5 and sent Brian Griese to the Probowl in 2000
The Broncos went 13-3 and sent Jake Plummer to the Probowl in 2005
The Broncos went 8-8 and sent Jay Cutler to the Probowl in 2008

Shanahan was also:
4-0 with Bubby Brister
2-1 with Chris Miller
4-3 with Gus Frerotte
2-3 with Steve Beuerlein
0-2 with Danny Kanell
0-1 with Jarious Jackson

That is a record of 12-10 with BACKUP QUARTERBACKS

So please, never ever EVER say that Mike Shanahan sucked after John Elway again.  Or I will have to e-punch you in your e-face.

Posted on: August 2, 2011 10:22 am
 

The Steelers way

In 1973, the Steelers starting defensive tackle went on a shooting rampage, shooting at random passing trucks on the Ohio Turnpike.  When the police arrived, he began shooting at them as well, leading them on a high speed chase.  One police officer was wounded by his gunfire.

Upon his arrest, Saint Rooney paid his bail, paid for his lawyer, and started him week one the following season.


THAT is the Steeler way
Posted on: August 2, 2011 10:18 am
 

The adventures of Ben Roethlisberger

- raped an ugly woman in Reno
- raped a woman in Las Vegas
- raped a fat girl in Milledgeville
- sexually assaulted a woman at his Georgia house
- buys underage girls alcohol
- "All my bitches, take some shots!"
- driving a motorcycle without a motorcycle license
- driving a motorcycle without a helmet
- bashing his face off a Chrysler
- continuing to ride a motorcycle without a helmet after faceplanting off a Chrysler
- improper use of police officers
- improper use of the "Don't you know who I am?" line
- the mullet mohawk
- fat
- somehow got himself banned from a Steelers bar
- terrible tipper
- terrible teammate
- terrible person
Posted on: August 2, 2011 9:59 am
 

The adventures of Randy Moss

- Arrested in high school for a felony
- tests positive for weed while in jail, gets another two months
- Kicked out of Notre Dame
- Kicked out of Florida State
- called the 1970 Marshall plane crash "nothing big"
- Squirts official with water bottle - $25,000 fine
- Touches official - $25,000 fine
- Fights the Bears - $5,000 fine
- Spikes ball at Dre' Bly - $5,000 fine
- Moons Packers fans, causes Joe Buck to have an aneurysm - $10,000 fine
- Verbally abuses Vikings corporate sponsors - $15,000 fine
- hates Tunicci's free buffet
- Forced to take anger management counseling by Vikings
- "I play when I want to play"
- "Straight cash homey"
- Makes illegal turn
- follows up illegal turn by running over police officer
- arrested on felony charges for running over police officer
- Driving around with weed in his car
- leaves field during Redskins game, when his height could have one the game on a hail mary
- failed NFL drug test for marijuana
- Admits on national tv that he smokes the weed
- Beats his baby-momma
- 4 children out of wedlock
- Quit on the Raiders
- Quit on the Patriots
- Quit on the Vikings
- Quit on the Titans
- Quit on the NFL
Posted on: August 2, 2011 9:56 am
Edited on: October 25, 2011 12:56 pm
 

The adventures of Michael Vick

- financing an illegal interstate gambling ring
- running an illegal interstate gambling ring for six years
- fighting dogs
- killing dogs
- killing dogs in especially fun ways, like electricution and drowning
- knowingly giving a woman herpes
- sneaking marijuana on a plane
- owning a waterbottle that has a marijuana smuggling compartment
- providing a vehicle for drug dealing
- giving the double bird to kids after a Falcons game
- blew off Eagles off-season workouts
- stealing money from a pension fund
- having someone shot at his birthday party
- lied about leaving "hours" before someone was shot at his party
- being a coach killer
- being a big jerk
- hiring an agent while still in college
- Marcus Vick
- not paying back his creditors because he needs two houses (one of which was built while he was in prison)
- lying about dog fighting
- screwing over that sweet old man Arthur Blank
- missing 14 games with a 4-6 week injury - the same injury that forced him to miss only one game at Virginia Tech
- Ron Mexico
- providing a house for drug dealing (the original reason Bad Newz Kennels was raided)
- failing a drug test
- being accused of using steroids
- can't read the blitz
- can't hold onto the ball
- can't throw accuratly
- can't put touch on the ball
- can't complete the short pass
- can't audible  
- children out of wedlock
- last one in the building for practice
- first one to leave the building after practice
- cheated on his girlfriend (re: Ron Mexico incident)
- fragile as Bob Sanders
- promoting 'pump and dump' stock scheme via twitter
- kicking a football at a Washington Redskins cheerleader
 
 
 
 
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