Tag:Bud Light
Posted on: September 13, 2010 9:41 am

Day Too Late NFL Predictions

Like all sports analysts, I like to make predictions about what will happen each Sunday of the NFL season. While most predictions the so-called experts make are completely wrong once the games happen, and they move right along as if they never made them, I have no problem showing mine to the world.

It just so happens I forgot to post this before the games ran. But since I am the consummate professional, I am still going to reveal them here. Some of them were slightly off:

  • Tim Tebow is going to be just as awesome as all the hype says he's going to be. Just you wait until they proves not only that he can actually pass, but that he can still run over NFL defenses.
  • After all the bad luck the Lions franchise has had over the past few seasons, the football gods seem to finally be smiling down kindly on them. If there is any, even remotely close replay, expect it to go their way.
  • This just in, Blackberry would like to try and convince you that non-old white business men use Blackberries. Yep, just like the commercials, I totally know a lot of young ethnic skateboarder kids who are always raving about their Blackberry.
  • What?! I missed my fantasy draft and it auto-picked up someone named Arian Foster in one of the late rounds? Dropped! Maybe I can still pick up someone from that fierce Bengals backfield instead...somebody who might actually get some yards...
  • Pete Carroll is about to learn a hard lesson about how hard coming back to the NFL is from college. He'll wish he was back at scandal-ridden USC after this thrashing by the 49ers.
  • Drink Bud Light with Lime! It's like being transported to a world where it's always Summer, and you can play with sillouettes of women much more attractive than your wife in an ocean of urine.
  • Michael Vick has lost a few steps, I don't think anyone really needs to plan to stop him. But no one needs to worry about seeing him anyway, not with a young healthy Kevin Kolb at QB.
  • The Bengals are a completely different team this year with all the weapons they have on offense. Watch how big a lead they jump out to on the Patriots...
  • Eli Manning will distribute the ball evenly to members of both teams.
  • Some people are glad that football is back all over the TV, but I'm just glad nonstop truck commercials are back on TV.
  • The Tennessee Titans aren't going to be able to do much against the Oakland Raider defense. They are new and improved, and are going to put a clamp down on what was a great rushing attack.
  • If Tony Romo struggles out there, I fully expect them to put in Troy Barkman. That is the only thing I've liked in a Dallas Cowboys jersey in a long time.
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Posted on: August 28, 2008 9:39 am
Edited on: August 28, 2008 9:45 am

Men Excited That Beer & Truck Ad Season Is Back

Men everywhere are extremely anxious for the start of Truck and Beer Ad season to begin next week. It has been a long offseason for the Beer and Truck business, with some Germans buying a large portion of one and gas prices hurting the other. People are excited to catch up with the old gang, and see what has happened since last year's commercials. Over the winter and summer, men have been forced to watch their favorite spots on DVD, as during regular dramas and sitcoms you only get one or two beer/truck commercials per break. But now every Sunday you can watch 3 hours of nonstop advertisements, and maybe more depending on how many games are being shown locally.

"Me and my friends are really stoked for these to start up again," said Sam Patterson, a resident of Oakland, California. "I bought a new plasma HDTV so I can watch them all in high definition this year. My buddies are all coming over every Sunday so we can see what kinds of unrealistically rugged terrain trucks are driving over this week, or what kind of illogical stress tests demonstrating horse power they are being put through. We want to know where a multi-ethnic group of guy friends are going to be hanging out, drinking beer, and hitting on white girls who are way out of our league. Beer and truck ads is the best show on television!"

Some guys have already had their fantasy beer and truck drafts already. Coors Light was the consensus number one in Sam's draft because as he put it, "They have a giant f***ing train! You can't stop a giant f***ing train..." He is also hoping that Labatt Blue and Hyundai, two late round picks can turn into sleepers this year. He was looking for depth at the truck position. He may have got it with Hyundai, who has apparently created a special hyper-futuristic testing facility in the desert, staffed by only hot blonds in labcoats, to test their trucks in.

Last time on Bud Light, the group guy friends was attending a wine and cheese party, where they cleverly hid beer bottles in their cheese. The main, not too handsome and easily relatable, white guy was leaving the party to make a secret cheese run. But will he get caught? Was the store out of cheese-beer? We will find out next Sunday, and the world can not wait for the conclusion.

The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com