Bill Self, championship winning coach of the Kansas Jayhawks, today announced that he has signed a deal to coach at a Piggly Wiggly Supermarket in western Oklahoma. It was believed that Self was mulling a very lucrative offer from his alma mater Oklahoma State to come and coach there next season, but now he has given that up as well to return farther back to his roots. Piggly Wiggly is where it all began for Self, serving as a bagger and eventually a cashier. "I'm very excited to be able to go back to a place that I love and teach the young people how to play the cashier game the right way. Also the elderly and the mildly retarded, there are a lot of them at the supermarket as well."
It's going to be a tough transition for Self, who hasn't coached a register since he was 17. "I'm going to have to adjust, there's no questioning that. But the game isn't all that different. Sure they have computer screens and credit card readers now, but it's still all about speed and teamwork. You make a quick pass of the package of chicken breasts to the bagger and he dunks it into a paper bag, that's a thing of beauty. The registering game today is all about showmanship and superstars, I wanna teach these kids about teamwork."
The supermarket branch is reportedly paying Self close to $10 million to coach there, most of it supplied by one of their boosters, Z. June Perkins. Perkins is the owner of Perkins restaurants, who is now a billionaire due to the fact he is able to charge people $8.99 for a plate of pancakes and people actually pay it. He shops at the store on a regular basis and invests heavily in it. "I want to see this store do well. This is my store, and if I want to donate money to make it the best, I'm damn well gonna do just that."
This is just the latest move by Perkins to renovate the store. He also is responsible for the Z. June Perkins breakroom, a state of the smoke break facility made entirely of 24 ct. gold. "We are going to make this place a beacon to the rest of the grocery world," said Perkins. "Everyone will know that we are the premiere supermarket in the country and perhaps the world. When I come in to buy my Metamucil and Ensure, I'm gonna have the greatest experience anywhere. Very exciting."