Posted on: September 20, 2010 10:48 am
Edited on: September 20, 2010 10:49 am

Unattractive ESPN Reporter Refutes Ines Sainz

It's been a crazy week, with the recent accusations of sexual harassment in the Jets locker room by Ines Sainz, the attractive sports reporter and former model from Mexico’s TV Azteca. Now Shelley Smith, one of ESPN’s most unattractive female reporters have come out in defense of the Jets and NFL players in general.

“I seriously question the veracity of Ms. Sainz’s claims of harassment," said Smith. In all my time as a reporter, I have never once been the recipient of any cat calls, uncomfortable stares or lewd comments while on the sidelines or in any NFL locker room."

Smith also noted that most of the players go out of their way to be very respectful and that they go out of their way to quickly dress or otherwise make an attempt to cover themselves when she enters the room.

“I cannot recall a single time when an NFL player has ever said anything sexually inappropriate to me or made any inappropriate advances towards me, even on occasions when I accidentally wear lingerie into the locker room or mistakenly text a player a photograph of one of my breasts.”

Tom Brady, the subject of frequent interview requests by Smith, confirmed her story. “I can honestly say I have never seen a player say anything inappropriate to her,” said Brady, who then made a gagging sound like he may have thrown up in his mouth. Brady went on to admit that in a turn of events, he has filed several harassment claims against Smith for among other things: asking if she can conduct interviews while sitting on Brady’s lap, telling Brady that he needs to speak clearly into her cleavage microphone, and for asking Brady when he would make “Little Tom” available for an exclusive.

According to league officials, these matters are still under investigation.

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Posted on: July 27, 2010 7:45 am

Man From Something Called A Newspaper Detained

NFL training camps kicked off today around the country, and the drama of players battling for roster spots was not the only excitement to take place. In Miami Dolphins training camp, a suspicious man was held by security after he tried to tell team officials he was with a news organization called the Miami Herald.

The obviously fabricated media outlet was said to be something called a "newspaper" by the man, who pleaded with Dolphins security that he was indeed an actual reporter. Bloggers and television reporters knew nothing of this Miami Herald or newspapers, and said this was all probably some kind of elaborate hoax. The man was released after it was determined he was no real threat, just a crazy old man holding onto the past, and was told to go read about the Dolphins on the internet like everybody else.

ESPN broke into programming to report the story and sports blogs around the country immediately began covering the incident, and the internet was abuzz with people researching these newspapers. According to wikipedia, and other vague mentions that people across the message boards could put together, newspapers were a daily printed account of sports news. It was sent out as many as 18 hours after a sporting event concluded, long after everyone should have already known the result.

These printed papers were then put into a plastic bag and thrown wildly into your yard every morning by a young boy on a bicycle. You would then have to go out into the wet grass, retrieve your paper, and then wade through pages of ads to find the sports section. Apparently you also had to pay for this massive inconvenience.

Conspiracy websites immediately sprang up, claiming that obviously Wikipedia was vandalized, as this sounded way too crazy to actually be true.


Posted on: December 9, 2008 9:39 am
Edited on: December 9, 2008 10:30 am

Male Sideline Reporter Tired Of Girl's Club

Tony Siragusa, a male sideline reporter for FOX, has filed a lawsuit alledging a hostile work environment for what he calls a "Hot Girl's Club" mentality among his co-workers. He says that frequently he was held back from promotions because of his gender. Despite having experience actually playing in the NFL, he says that he can not get featured on the big Sunday games, which often go to people like Erin Andrews or Suzy Kolber.

"I have been pressured more than once to consider breast enhancement by FOX executives," said Siragusa. "They told me that would help me immensely to move up the sideline reporting ladder. They also recommended I drop a few pounds, and maybe think about leaking a sex tape to the press. This just seems wrong. All my co-workers now exclude me from conversations because I don't want to talk about the riggors of pregnancy and childbirth and I don't want to listen to them vent about how inconsiderate their husbands are. It's just a hostile environment in every sense."

ESPN's Linda Cohn has spoken out on Siragusa's accusations, saying that the sidelines and locker room are no place for men. "This is a woman's domain," said Cohn. "There are only so many times networks can cut to footage of cheerleaders during intros and fades to commercial breaks. In between that time female sideline reporters need to be there to give directors another option for quick T & A. I'm sure Siragusa is a fine sideline reporter. But he's not going to be able to get the athletes to really open up what they though about their first half performance without the cleavage revealing lowcut top or soft hands of a woman. That's just a fact."

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