Vengeance

The game is still set to be played in Florida, but the Celtics will suit up in their uniforms for the game so that people browsing the channels will actually be able to recognize the team who is playing the Lakers. Magic coach Stan Van Gundy has said he understands the decision to make a change at this point in the series.

"Look, what we have done has not worked, that's for sure," he said to reporters after hearing the news. "Maybe it's time to put in these other players and see what they can do. I just told the news to our guys, and they are a little sad about it. But, Dwight Howard is really excited to see the Celtics play the Lakers again, it's just such a historic matchup."

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For fans of the ESPN Ticker, the announcement was bittersweet. They have relied on the ticker for years to give them the sports news they need while pretending to be actually listening to their wives talk about their day.

"I've always wanted to cover serious news," said the ESPN Ticker to his many adoring fans. "This allows me to finally live that dream of scrolling presidential news and information about which American car companies have gone bankrupt today. I'm very excited for this opportunity."

His final day will be this coming Saturday, and he promises an extra special scroll for his last broadcast. He may go with a sans-serif font, and give some really obscure fantasy baseball statistics for the hardcore ticker fans. He will be missed all around the country. ESPN has yet to name a replacement.

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"The Knicks and Nike have asked that they be allowed to start marketing him in Knicks gear a year early," said GM Danny Ferry. "In exchange for a nice sum of money, coupled with the fact we all know this move is inevitable, we have allowed this to happen.

"We are a bit concerned about confusion when we actually play the Knicks in a game, but the NBA says they will put extra referees on the court to make sure baskets are attributed to the proper team. League officials have been very helpful in this uniform change, and they told us whatever they needed to do to get LeBron into a major market, they would make happen."

James himself says he is looking at next year as a good tryout of the blue and orange.

"This will be a great way to see if just putting on that uniform will make me as bad as the rest of that franchise has been for the last decade," said James when asked about the new uni. "Plus I don't have to wear that awful red thing anymore, I get royalties from all new jersey sales, and I can stand out better so that my teammates can feed me the ball for 30-40 shots per game. This way, I don't see a reason why I can't take every shot our team attempts next year. It's going to be great, I just love New Yo...I mean Cleveland. It's a great city."

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She claims that at times Bryant was abusive towards her, and says she twice had to go to the emergency room for damage to her strings. She says that the torrid affair included bizarre acts in the bedroom where he would ask her to stick strange things into his puppet hole.

Kobe puppet's wife, the puppet of LeBron James could not be reached for comment. He did however put out a press release through his publicist saying that he was very ashamed of these allegations, and he could not believe Kobe puppet would do something like this. He also said it was unbelievable it would happen while they had their adopted son at home, an inquisitive 5-year-old puppet with glasses, whom they adopted after his mother's fatal failed bunyun surgery.

More information on this story is coming out, but for the time being Kobe puppet has professed his innocence. He says that he will buy whatever puppet jewelry for LeBron he needs to, in order to make this go away.

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"What? We don't have a minor league system?" said team president Tom Lewand. "Look, I obviously don't know all that much about football from the results you've seen on the field here. But, when we told Culpepper we were sending him to the minors he just left and went somewhere. We're not sure exactly where he went to, but he's not with our team anymore, and that's the important thing."

Indeed, Culpepper's whereabouts are currently unknown. Authorities have begun searching small towns in the Detroit area in an attempt to find him, as they believe he could be wandering the streets looking for a minor league franchise. They believe they will find him in no time, they just have to follow the interceptions.

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"While pitching a complete game is much more celebrated, today's accomplishment by David I think was much more challenging," said Red Sox manager Terry Francona. "Have you seen how big this guy is and how awful he swings the bat lately? I'm surprised he can make it through an entire game sitting on the bench! I mean, hitting a complete game only happens 8, maybe 9 times per game if it's the American League. Today we saw something special out there."

Ortiz went 0 for 4 at the plate with 3 strikeouts and no walks. It looked like he might be in trouble in the 8th inning, as Francona came out to 1st base to make sure he could continue. But Big Papi told him he had one more strikeout left in him. Sure enough in the ninth inning, with two men on and a chance to tie the game, Ortiz delivered a big whiff at an 0-2 curveball to end the game and complete his night.

The crowd gave a thunderous standing ovation to the slugger for the effort.

"Wow, that guy is all heart isn't he?" said fan Derek Chan. "He's certainly not got any skill or ability anymore, but he's got a lot of heart..."

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"This team is showing a lot of determination this season," said Paige in the article. "Even during their three game sweep last weekend at home, they proved that they won't let blowouts phase them. After losing to the Dodgers in those games by a combined score of 38-13, you'd think they get blown out again by the next team they faced. But no, they only ended up losing by 4 the next day. That's mental toughness, and that's why this team is the best!"

Paige has moved those same division leading Dodgers at the bottom of his rankings, right under the 13-36 Washington Nationals, citing that LA is "All about scoring runs and pitching well. That's not all baseball is about, there are also the fundamentals."

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With the fact that the franchises move cities so often, coupled with the fact that they play in the WNBA, people often don't even know what city or team name they are watching anyway. Some other team changes are the Detroit Shock as the Summer's Eve Douches, the Los Angeles Sparks as The Pep Boys, and the Washington Mystics now known as just The McRibb.

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