Posted on: September 8, 2009 5:33 pm

Dean Smith just got slapped in the face

And so did Phil Jackson.

Both coaches won championships with Michael Jordan -- Smith at UNC, Jackson with the Bulls -- and yet to present him into the Hall of Fame, Jordan picked ... David Thompson?


It's an enormous slap in Dean Smith's face for Jordan to not only not pick him, but to pick a player whose best days were spent at rival North Carolina State. Seriously, Jordan is far too smart to have done this lightly. If I had to guess -- and I'm about to -- I'd guess that the relationship between Smith and Jordan is not good. Otherwise, how can anyone but Dean Smith (or Phil Jackson) present Jordan?

Then again, there's that old joke that goes something like this:

Q: Who is the only man in basketball history to hold Michael Jordan to less than 20 ppg?

A: Dean Smith.

Maybe Jordan carries a grudge.

Meanwhile, David Robinson picked Larry Brown to present him. So a member of the Dean Smith coaching tree will be represented at the induction ceremony. Just not Dean Smith himself.

At least Jordan didn't pick Mike Krzyzewski as his presenter.

But I bet he thought about it.

Category: NBA
Posted on: August 25, 2009 9:23 am
Edited on: August 25, 2009 9:34 am

I'm supposed to sympathize with Michael Beasley

But I don't. Sorry. Sue me for being a bad guy, a hard heart, a cold soul.

Mental illness is real, and suicidal tendencies, even those that are nothing more than a cry for attention -- and I have no idea if Beasley was being serious or just seeking attention -- are nothing to sneer at. But when the suicidal guy is one of the most talented professional athletes in a sport, and he has more money and fame and dating opportunities than most of us will ever have ... it ticks me off.

If Michael Beasley can't be happy with his life now, good heavens. It's like Vince Young last year. Or Kurt Cobain of Nirvana, who did commit suicide. If you can't be happy in THAT life, trade with me. Or you. Or any of us who struggle to pay our bills and meet women and impress our bosses and save money for the future and in general make an impact in this world. Trade with me, Michael Beasley.

I'm supposed to feel badly for the guy.

Instead I'm pissed at him.

What does that make me guilty of? It makes me guilty of being honest.
Category: NBA
Posted on: July 13, 2009 12:17 pm

So you're telling me there's a chance

Speaking of Dumb and Dumber ...

This guy made it into the Basketball Hall of Fame, media wing. If he can make it, I've got a shot.

Hell, if he can make it, you've got a shot. Even if you can't write sensically. Just throw lots of rumors out there and use lots of exclamation marks.

It worked for him!

Posted on: July 9, 2009 1:33 pm

Had to come off vacation for this

Anderson Varejao, the new $50 million man? Anderson Varejao?


Anderson Varejao is bad. As in, not good. He's a triple threat -- he can't pass, handle or shoot.

He's not worth $50 million over six years. He's not worth $50 million over 60 years.

Here's where you tell me to shut up, that Cleveland GM Danny Ferry knows more basketball than I do. And maybe you're right. Then again, Ferry's the one who thought the corpse known as Zydrunas Ilgauskas could compete in the NBA playoffs. And Ferry's the one who just gave Anderson Varejao $50 million.

Thanks for ruining my vacation, Ferry. I was relaxing. By the pool. Sipping Shirley Temple. Even having a drink, too. (Rim shot.) But I had to come off vacation to write about this. About the end of the world as we know it. About Anderson Varejao getting $50 million to average six points and six rebounds per game.

Imagine if he averaged nine and nine. They'd rename the team after him.
Category: NBA
Tags: Idiot GMs
Posted on: July 3, 2009 9:24 am
Edited on: July 3, 2009 1:53 pm

Not a blog, but very freaking good

Very rarely will a person finish a story, unless they're finishing one of mine, and say out loud, "Damn that was good."

But I just finished this story about the Ariza-Artest trade and said, out loud, "Damn that was good."

Oh, and I got the link to this story from a blog.

See. I'm not a liar.
Category: NBA
Posted on: June 25, 2009 8:00 am

I'm so happy for My LeBron

That's right. I called him mine. I claim him. Look, since I dislike so many athletes and coaches, and since I make that so very clear, can't I just this once admit how much I do like one? Because I really do like LeBron James.

And the Cavaliers just did right by him. They got him some help, and not another prosthetic leg to add to the pair already propping up Zydrunas Ilgauskas. They got him Shaquille O'Neal, who's too old to be the dominant Shaq who teamed with Kobe Bryant for all those NBA titles or even the almost-dominant Shaq who helped Dwyane Wade win one in Miami.

He's past his prime, but Shaq is still good enough to dramatically upgrade the Cleveland frontcourt, which is what LeBron needed. So as a big fan of my boy LeBron, I want to welcome The Big Paterno to Cleveland.

Category: NBA
Posted on: June 14, 2009 6:49 pm
Edited on: June 14, 2009 6:57 pm

No wonder they're insane

ORLANDO, Fla. -- Athletes, I mean. No wonder. They're nuts.

What set me off? The TV cameras following Dwight Howard to the Magic locker room here at Amway Arena before Game 5 of the NBA Finals.

Howard isn't nuts, but how long can he stay sane? Here's what just happened: Howard emerged from the players' parking lot into the back hallways of the arena, and at least 10 TV cameras, with lights blaring in his face, followed him down the hall. Several of them were in front of Howard, moving backward, as he walked ahead. He had a smile on his face, because he knew he was on camera, but really ... how do these people stay sane?

They get on TV now just for showing up at the arena. They take a step, and it's news. Of course they're going to go nuts. The average athlete -- and Howard, off the court, appears to be well above average -- is going to think he's above it all. Because he is.

When was the last time a camera followed you through the hallways of your office? America's Most Wanted doesn't count.
Category: NBA
Posted on: June 14, 2009 5:38 pm

Lakers love a (victory) parade

ORLANDO, Fla. -- And they've already planned it!

Calm down. They're supposed to plan it. I bet Orlando team officials have had preliminary discussions with city people about a victory parade for the Magic, as well. Well, maybe not.

But it is smart for a team to look ahead, and the Lakers have looked so far ahead that they have the Los Angeles Coliseum ready for a post-parade rally, after if the Lakers finish off Orlando soon.

The city has no idea how it will pay for the parade, however. Los Angeles, the city, faces more than $200 million in budget cuts ... and now has to come up with $1 million for a parade? Makes no sense, in the grand scheme of things. But parades are mandatory, because that's what we as a society do. We cling to our cliches, and the victory parade is the grandest cliche of them all. So the Lakers will get their parade, even if the team has to cover the bill itself.

Orlando officials, start planning your parade, too. Just in case.

Ah, never mind.
Category: NBA
Tags: NBA Finals
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