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Category:NCAAF
Posted on: June 27, 2010 10:14 pm
 

USC to leave Pac-10

Thought my fellow Vol fans would appreciate my article from www.sportscomedian.com

"Conference realignment has been the buzz word of the college football off-season and a huge source of confusion for most sports fans.  To sum up the recent changes simply:  Colorado left the Big 12 for the Pac-10, making the Pac-10 actually the Pac-11 and reducing the Big 12 down to the Big 11.  Then the Big Ten (which really had 11 teams) added Nebraska making the Big Ten effectively the Big Twelve and leaving the conference formerly known as the Big 12 with just ten teams.  Then Utah joined the Pac-11 to make it the Pac-12 and we thought things were settling down on the conference shift front.  That is until the stunning announcement that USC will be leaving the Pac-12 conference, making it the Pac-11 again.

“As of today we will be withdrawing our appeal of the recent NCAA sanctions and ordering all NCAA inspectors off our campus,” stated USC athletic director Mike Garrett “We have instead decided to accept an invitation to become a member of the Axis of Evil Conference effective immediately.”  According to Garrett, the school received a call from AOEC officials following news of the harsh NCAA ruling.  It seems the group was looking to replace former AOEC member Iraq following the latter’s transition to a free society and was also looking to expand their evil influence into college football.  “It seems like the perfect fit to us.  The AOEC has experience thumbing their noses at unjust sanctions from overbearing institutions.  They’ve promised us that the puny NCAA will not be a problem and that it will be backroom business as usual at Southern Cal.  We’ve even discussed using their contacts to add a nuclear option to our offensive playbook for the next season. ”

The transition could prove more difficult than USC expects.  TSC has learned that the AOEC requires each member to cut all social and economic ties with the West and to adopt an official language other than Satan’s tongue (read English).  Despite the challenges, new coach Lane Kiffin seems confident.  “I am very happy with this move,” said Kiffin, “Convincing recruits to renounce their United States citizenship may seem hard to some, but we have the best recruiting staff in the entire world here at USC.  We just remind these kids that no matter what evil we may perpetrate, at the end of the day we put people in the pros.”  As for the new language, Kiffin said the team has already begun the process of transitioning over to “whatever that language is that Coach O speaks.”

While Southern Cal fans may be surprised by this recent turn of events, it seems clear that folks in Oakland and Knoxville were right to claim that Lane Kiffin is an evil. . .well not genius, bent on college football dominance just like North Korea’s head man Kim Jong Il and Iran’s skipper Mahmoud Ackm. . .Mahmoud Ahmi. . .the beady-eyed, bearded dude.  “USC is a very strong and powerful school,” said Kiffin, “much too powerful to submit to the rule of any conference and especially to the whims of an organization as biased as the NCAA.  The AOEC was attractive to us on many levels:  First, they have no restrictions on recruiting which fits in with the way we do things here at USC; B) they have assured me that we can add the Southeastern Conference, Urban Meyer and all Tennessee fans to the AOEC list of sworn enemies; and 3) their football national champion is determined by supreme leader instead of by some stupid BCS formula invented by greedy capitalists.”  

find more stories like this at www.sportscomedian.com
Category: NCAAF
Posted on: September 27, 2009 10:09 pm
Edited on: September 28, 2009 9:57 am
 

Winners, Losers, and Lucky SOBs

Its time for a recap of this weekend's college football action.

Winners:

Alabama - As I say this I am trying to keep from vomiting, but Alabama looks like the best team in the nation.   They made a good offense in Arkansas look average.  This stinks for me, cause I know way too many obnoxious Tide fans that I have to see way too often.  Come on somebody, beat these guys, please!

Texas - Sure they played UTEP, but they took care of bid-ness.  Like USC, they always seem to find a way to blow a game though, and Oklahoma and Okie St. are still on the schedule.

Cincinnati - They beat Goliath-killer Fresno State, something Wisconsin couldn't do a few years back.  It's too bad college teams can't make trades, because I would like to offer Jonathan Crompton, Nick Stephens, and two players to be named later for Tony Pike.  Imagine what UT could do with Pike, like probably cover the spread against Ohio.

TCU - Impressive beating Clemson in Death Valley.  Too bad it wasn't over a Fulmer-led Clemson team, cause that would have been AWESOME!

Losers:

Miami - When everyone on the ESPN Gameday panel picks you to win, be afraid.  So much for the undefeated season and a Heisman for Harris. . .darn, I hate that.  For the record, I called this one, ask the guys in my confidence pool if you don't believe me.

Cal - I know it was on the road and I know it was against Oregon, but seriously Cal?  Again?  Is it some No-Cal liberal thing that you have to spread the wealth and let an inferior opponent get a big win each year?   That's very bleeding heart of you.

Penn State - Doh!  Okay, you got beat by an Iowa team that looks pretty good, but that was a little embarrassing after being up 10 to 0.

Florida State - Wait, Joe Pa's team and Bobby's team lost at home to underdogs?  I'm sensing a theme here.

Urban Meyer - Your team won, but unlike last week, you didn't play conservative (wink, wink) when you had the game in hand.  Up 34 to 7, Tebow drops back to pass, and this was the result. . .

Tennessee Fans - Come on, did we really feel good about that win over Ohio?  Especially after watching what happens when we try to "open up the offense."  I'm all for shuttin' er down the rest of the way and takin' our chances.  Unfortunately, this is what we're going to have to watch the rest of the year.  But this is a three year plan, so years one and two can be rocky, year three has to be MUCH improved.

Washington - Are they the Chumbawamba of this college football season?  I think so.  Not in that they get knocked down and get up again, but in the fact that like Washington these guys had a big hit once and now you're like, huh?  Who's the heck is that?

Lucky S.O.B.s

Notre Dame - For the second week in a row, Charlie Weis and the Irish pull a win from their backsides.  They're lucky they've got the Big Guy on their side (no not Weis, THE Big Guy) or they would be 1-3 and convening the search committee.

Michigan - Okay, two of my least favorite teams (see also above) pulled wins out this week.  Michigan almost blew one to IU in the Big House and I for one would have loved to see that.  Indiana got sk-rewed on that interception call.

LSU - Third and Chavis should have resulted in a loss, but MSU couldn't get into the endzone when it mattered.

Me - As always, the luckiest SOB of them all.  A great wife, the smartest kids in the world, great friends and a good job.  All that and I feel the need to blog. . .go figure.

visit my blog at http://stickdaddy.wordpress.com

 
 
 
 
The views expressed in this blog are solely those of the author and do not reflect the views of CBS Sports or CBSSports.com