Category:Fantasy
Posted on: February 18, 2009 11:45 am
Edited on: February 18, 2009 11:56 am
 

1st Childs Birthday! 2nd Child gets a gift?

Okay, here we are. D-Day for a B-day.

Now, from my own personal experience, my wife has 2 older brothers and 2 older sisters. I ,not by choice, have 0 siblings living. I have had the fortune not to witness this in my ,our, family. Unfortunately, I have been at birthday parties for my kid's friends where this has happen.

Lets paint the scene shall we. 1:00 pm in the afternoon on a sunny Saturday afternoon. Local park is filled with birthday parties. Out of nowhere the agonizing scream of a small child who must be caught under a car being dragged at speeds approaching lightspeed. I turn to try and locate this sound that has plunged a knife about 5 inches into my hip bone. Lo and Behold, I spy the child standing on a picnic table about half a mile away (okay 50 yrds. tops). First thing that pops in my dinosaur brain... That kid could be a star on Broadway.

And this years OSCAR for best acting in a drama goes to ___________.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. ....... Nope I have no clue, I am still hunting for some dirty napkins to shove in my ears to try and stop the torturous wails of this obvious child abuse victim. I see another child sitting amid a throng of small kids wearing a hat that looks like it was imported straight off the Bozo the clown website (does Bozo have one? hmmmmm.). The child is gathering what looks to be all the available oxygen from a 5 square mile radius into his lungs to blow what looks like a candleabra from some Vatican ceremony off the top of a 6 tier cake. Granted, I may be embellishing a wee bit (okay it was only 5 Tiers). Now, as this scene is going on, I notice an adult reach over to the pile of wrapped gifts and snag one off the rear of the mound. The adult then hands the present to the car dragged child who instantly must have undergone some sort of Star Trek healing (the wails stopped and the child was done with the acting). Now, unbeknownst to me, my 4 yr old (now 5) asks me what that was all about. I instantly think to myself, truth or dare), do I say what I think or do I go diplomatic.

Well, If anyone has read my material, I am sadly lacking in diplomacy. Just ask my wife's sister. She made the mistake one day of asking me that question which most guys dread. I quote " What do you think Doug, does this pair of pants look good on me?" Before my wife could lunge at me to get the tourniquet around my throat the words were out. "Well, that depends, how much KY did it take to get the pants on over your hips." I am happy to say that lil comment cost me 6 months without her wonderful words lightening my life. The sister's words not my wifes. After 8 years together my wife knows me all too well and has many times warned her sisters not to ask my opinion if they dont want blunt truth. Wonder if the sister will talk to me this Easter. Well, heres to hoping yes.

Now, back to topic, the child who was wailing from the car dragging has now become quite sedated from the present it has received. My child is perplexed and asks the ineviatible question. "Dad, why dont I get a present when Jayden or Izzy has a birthday party"

Cmon feet dont fail me now...... Think Brain Think.......    Lie or Truth........HMMMMMMMMM

Okay, lets weight the options. A lie is the easy way out. Always a desired option for the parent of 4 kids. Truth will confuse the child...... Maybe he will just forget the question if I stare at him like I just had a stroke....... Nope that didnt work he is still staring at me... Damn..... Okay, here goes....... Well, Skylarr, that child has to be in on whatever goes on and the parent has failed at being the one thing they cannot fail at. So, in order to make the child feel like part of the day the parent cowwed to the child and gave the child what it wanted. Ummmmmm. god I hope I said that on the inside....Quick glance at my son tells me the answer..... Whew that was on the inside. Okay. "Well, Sky, maybe the child was stung by a bee and the parent is trying to make them feel better. No, i doubt that. Sky, that parent has done a bad job of showing the child who is screaming that they are not in control of the family. the child who is screaming has the wheel of the family. Lets look at this from our family." Sky says, "okay, dad". "If we had your birthday party today and your brother Jayden all of a sudden started screaming like that what would you think if mom gave him one of your presents." Skylarr says, eyes wide. " I get a party today". 

 Uh Oh, now I am cornered. Wrong tact. Warning claxons going off like a sub taking the nose dive of the Thresher.

"Nope, no party today kiddo, just a problem we are talking about."

 "Oh, okay dad. well....... dad?"

"yes"

"This problem would not happen with our family. Mom has the wheel."

WOOOHOOOOOOOOO, DING DING DING. WINNNER WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER.

Cmon kiddo, want an Ice Cream. Psst dont tell your mom I want to drive sometimes.

Category: Fantasy
Posted on: February 17, 2009 6:28 pm
 

UGH, Slap me please.

to those who just like to spew the drivel that causes riotous posts. go get a life.Okay, I will be as I should be here. I wrote those words over a month ago in a post after the AFC Championship game.

I have spewed drivel in this last few days about the state of the CBS Sports community forums. The scoring, the trolls, the rating system, the whatever.

SLAP ME SOMEONE.

I, unlike alot of people out in the world, will stand in 1 spot and allow the line of hand spread wide people to take their turns whacking me across the kisser. This will hurt for a while but I feel I totally deserve it. If anyone wants an apology, go find A-Rod. I hear he is doling them out. No Apology here. I fully accept my douchyness.

Ugh, I need a shower again.

Well, Its off to work in a wind that sounds like its hurricane strenght here in Colorado. Should be a blast drive to Denver.

To all who actually have me as a friend. Tomorrow i promise to create a blog entry about presents from parents to a 2nd child just cause a 1st child is having a birthday. I am going to think long and hard on my 4 hr drive (from Pueblo to Denver and back) this evening about its content. Stay tuned for the rant.

Category: Fantasy
 
 
 
 
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