Category:NBA
Posted on: June 15, 2008 7:58 pm
 

Why the Airlines Are AWFUL Part XXXXXXXXLLLVVVI


What would you rather do? Have your ribs torn from your body, one at a time, or use some of the airlines?

Hmmmm....

On Saturday, while trying to get to Los Angeles to cover the NBA Finals and party with Doyel, my flight to LA was canceled.

Hey, that happens. There were thunder storms out. I'd rather not die.

But in typical airlines fashion, everything after that got all screwed up.

My original flight was on US Airways. After it was canceled they put me on a Continental flight the next morning. At least they said they did. When I got to Continental that night to get a boarding pass, Continental actually gives me one. I think I'm set. I get a sparkling three hours of sleep and head back to the airport at four in the morning.

Only, what Continental issued me was worthless. When I go to board the plane, Continental says my boarding pass is useless. They claimed that US Airways had royally screwed up. I had no ticket and would need to buy another on the spot.

Hold on. Wait. Let me back up to my experience of going through the security line first.

I'm pulled for extra screening. One of the security men says to me: "Your bag is testing for large quantities of explosives."

I immediately think: Damn Under Armor underwear did it again.

I assure the security guy I do not manufacture explosives and if I did I would use them on Doyel. The machine is insistent. Then the geniuses finally figure out the machine is busted, use another machine, and I'm cleared of being Hezbollah.

Back to Continental and US Airways. It was such a badly mismanaged situation it was almost laughable. Continental blamed US Airways and US Airways blamed Continental. Continental made me buy another ticket for -- you guessed it -- a much higher fare than the one I originally paid.

Disgrace.

I get on the plane and after a two-hour delay, we have to get off the aircraft because of some murky, alleged wiring issue. We change planes and depart uber-late.

Double disgrace.
Posted on: June 13, 2008 8:19 am
Edited on: June 13, 2008 8:52 am
 

The Lakers Apologize

Dear America:

We, the mighty Los Angeles Lakers, would like to apologize to these United States of Americas for being choking goats.

We were once the organization of greats. We had names like Magic and Kareem. Now, we couldn't beat the New York Knicks.

We once knew how to close out teams, how to live up to expectations, how to grab greatness by the loins and squeeze. Now, we're a shell of ourselves.

We once had a team idiots like Mike Freeman stated would beat the Boston Celtics in seven games. Now, we've made many media members look like fools and foofs. Or FOOFS. Or phoofs. Whatever. You get the point.

We, the once mighty Lakers, have a player people compared to Michael Jordan. But would Jordan lose a Game 4 that way? If you believe that you are also a foof. Or FOOF. Or phoof.

Kobe Bryant is not Jordan. He's Ko-Me. Most of all, he still hasn't won a ring without Shaquille "Two Biscuits and Gravy" O'Neal.

Phil is being out-coached. He acts like he's in Vinyasa yoga class instead of the NBA Finals. The Europeans are surrendering again and Paul Pierce looks like Larry Bird.

So, in conclusion, we the once mighty Lakers, would like to say to America: We're sorry for wasting your time.

See you next year.

Sincerely,

The Lakers
Category: NBA
Tags: Lakers
 
Posted on: June 6, 2008 2:00 pm
 

Was Paul Pierce Faking?

BOSTON -- The Los Angeles Lakers can't help themselves. They are totally, completely, absolutely mocking the injury to Paul Pierce. They're all but calling him a big, fat fake.

When asked by a reporter about the Pierce drama, Kobe Bryant started laughing.

Asked if Pierce's injury was a Willis Reed moment (which it wasn't), Phil Jackson, always the cute one, ever the damn comedian, said: "Well, if I'm not mistaken, I think Willis Reed missed a whole half and three quarters almost of a game and literally had to have a shot, a horse shot, three or four of them in his thigh to come back out and play. Paul got carried off and was back on his feet in a minute. I don't know if the angels visited him at halftime or in that time-out period that he had or not, but he didn't even limp when he came back out on the floor. I don't know what was going on there. Was Oral Roberts back there in their locker room? But he certainly carried some energy back on the floor for them."

Was Pierce really hurt or was he was pulling a Jack Nicholson?

Rivers said both Pierce and Kendrick Perkins (high ankle sprain) were both still ailing. The good news for Boston is that there's no game until Sunday. They have time to heal. Still I wouldn't count on either of them and at the very least they're going to be ailing badly.

People who believe Pierce earned a Golden Globe didn't watch him walk around after the game. His limp was pretty pronounced.

Unless he was faking that as well.

"Oh, I don't care," said Rivers of the skepticism. "Aren't we skeptics anyway now about everything? So what the heck; let it begin. Let it begin. Lee Harvey Oswald did it."
Posted on: May 27, 2008 10:05 pm
 

Stop Complaining about the Coaches

BOSTON -- You would think from listening to Detroit Pistons fans that Flip Saunders was Rick Pitino.

I swear they blame Saunders for the Iraq War.

Same with Doc Rivers.

I was listening to sports talk radio here and there was actually a caller who said Rivers was to blame for the Game 4 loss because he didn't use his timeouts properly.

Sure. Makes total sense.

The Celtics making just 21 field goals had nothing to do with the loss of course.

It's just getting old, the blaming of the coaches, instead of the players.

The reason Boston struggled was because the players couldn't make shots. That's it. End of story.

Blame the players...for once. Please.

I'm begging you.
Category: NBA
Posted on: February 16, 2008 4:39 pm
 

Soap and Water

NEW ORLEANS -- To some members of the European media covering the All-Star game:

Please shower.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

Mike
Category: NBA
Tags: media
 
Posted on: February 15, 2008 11:55 am
 

How crazy is New Orleans? Well, let me tell you..

I knew this was going to be an interesting trip just several minutes after I landed in New Orleans.

While waiting for my baggage, about eight to 10 feet away from me, a woman began screaming for help. She was crouched over a man who looked to be unconscious. She was yelling that he had suffered some sort of seizure. Two of us ran to look for help; we found several police officers nearby who assisted  the man while waiting for medical help.

Here's the thing: About 20 minutes later there were still no paramedics.

It made me wonder. Would that type of slower response be the norm in other cities and airports or was the slower response because the city's emergency services here are still strained years after Hurricane Katrina?

Since the police were there, I got my luggage and left. While medical help was slow getting there, the police were brave and outstanding and were still helping the man. He was conscious when I departed.

Welcome to New Orleans.
Category: NBA
 
 
 
 
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