As Hunter S. Thompson once said, when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
Example: Sunday night's flight to Chicago (and points East for a story), was an all-timer. It's a quick hour-and-something flight that turned into one of the wackiest times I've ever had in the air.
First, the chap next to me was bragging about heading to Chicago for the Jerry Springer show. Not to watch it. Turns out he's going to be on the JS Show. How did I verify this information? Certain things you just know. Let's just say I haven't seen too many guys banned from bringing an open beer onto a plane. Then once he gets on, Senor Einstein pulls out his cheap digital camera and begins shooting the Missouri sunset.
Let that sink in: The Missouri sunset.
I wasn't going to talk to the guy because I wanted my IQ intact but the flight attendant got this morsel out of him.
FA: Why are going on the Jerry Springer Show?
Einsten: Me and my ex-girlfriend, I slept with her sister, and (then) she slept with my brother.
Who, whoa, whoa waaaay too much information.
This guy was actually looking forward to getting into a fight, says they pay $100 per brawl. Nice.
My attention quickly turned further to the flight attendant who was talking about his celebrity encounters in the air. Jerry Seinfeld, he said, was the worst. During a flight from Salt Lake City to Detroit, Jerry apparently was not exactly the master of his domain.
The flight attendant was busy serving other passengers when Jerry demanded service.
"I paid $400 for this upgrade, do you have any idea who I am?" Jerry spewed.
Then it was on. It's always good when some celeb uses the do-you-have-any-idea-who-I-am card.
"Let me check the manifest," the flight attendant said which only made Jerry angrier.
"Does anyone know the person in 2A?" the attendant teased.
When the flight was over, Jerry apparently complained to the gate agent, filling out a customer service form. As Jerry walked away the agent tore up the card with a flourish.
Other flight attendant nuggets...
Alanis Morrisette, Brennifer (Brad Pitt-Jennifer Anniston when they were together), Muhammad Ali -- all nice.
Rachel Ray, the f-bomb dropping Frankie Muniz -- both bad.
They do realize they are Rachel Ray and Frankie Muniz don't they?
--This one almost slipped out without much national notice. LSU is going to open the season at home against Appalachian State. The first time, apparently, the defending champions of I-A and I-AA have met in the season opener. If LSU thinks this is going to be an easy opener it is crazy. Did Les Miles talk to Lloyd Carr at all? Oh wait, they don't get along so probably not.
There will be exactly one Heisman candidate on the field that day. App State's Armanti Edwards is the man. Crazy Les has done it again. Instead of getting himself a Nicholls State to pound into submission he scheduled a real, live opponent that could win the game outright and embarrass the Tigers. The only thing LSU has going for it (after losing a lot of talent from '07) is that it has warning flare fired up in Ann Arbor.